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 Post subject: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:19 pm 
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Tee's Bitch
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@@This episode is by far the most demented to date, viewer discretion is advised - this is rated R EXTREME@@

At the Council of Heroes Meeting....

Steroids Man is running late as usual, but surprisingly Ultra Man is also running late.

Steroids Man gets to the door of the meeting room and holds it open as Ultra Man approaches, Steroids Man sees Ultra Man but decides he's too far away and turns back and closes the door.

Ultra Man busts in and confronts Steroids Man before he even has a chance to sit down and in front of everybody.

Ultra Man: What the hell was that?

Steroids Man: What was what?

Ultra Man: You freaking shut the door on my face!

Steroids Man: No I certainly didn't, you were too far away.

Ultra Man: You looked at me, held the door open and then just stopped holding the door open for no reason!

Steroids Man: Because I thought you were closer.

Ultra Man: I was only a few steps away!

Steroids Man: Yeah but you were out of range for a courteous door opening.

Ultra Man: Out of range, what the hell are you talking about?

Steroids Man: If you were closer to me I would have held the door open for you, but you weren't.

Ultra Man: You smurf made EYE CONTACT with me, even if I was too far away, making eye contact voids that out!

Steroids Man: No it doesn't!

Ultra Man: Yes it does, you looked at me and turned away and let the door close, that's smurf rude!

Steroids Man: I didn't realize how far away you were!!!

Ultra Man: Once you make eye contact you have to smurf stay there and keep the door open.

Steroids Man: Oh you are so full of shazam!.

Ultra Man: You're an balloon knot!!!

Steroids Man: So sorry that you are so high and mighty that you need to have people hold doors open for you all day, even though you are miles away!!!

Ultra Man: You are so smurf annoying, the meeting hasn't even started yet and I can feel my blood pressure raising already! And I don't have regular human blood pressure, I have ULTRA blood-pressure!

Ultra Man looks around at everyone.

Ultra Man: You know what? smurf it, the meeting is canceled for today! It's always SOMETHING with you, this is ridiculous!

~~~


At the Steroids Cave ~~

Phil enters the room to see Steroids Man in his bathrobe and with a full beard, sitting in the same spot he's been for a week staring at his cell phone. A raccoon is gnawing at his bicep.

Phil (To the raccoon): Get out of here!

Phil brings out his folding chair and sits a safe distance away from Steroids Man.

Phil: Man... you have to stop this, it's been a week... if she was going to call you back she would have done it by now.

Steroids Man: Why do you have to be such an balloon knot?

Finally the phone rings and Steroids Man answers it.

Steroids Man: Hello?

Amanda ~> Hello.....

Steroids Man: I've been waiting for your call!

Amanda ~> I know... I'm sorry I took so long.

Steroids Man: I missed you so much, did you get everything sorted out?

Amanda ~> I'm afraid not.... I've been avoiding this because I didn't know how to tell you....

Steroids Man: Tell me what? How much you love me?

Amanda ~> Oh... please don't make this harder then it needs to be.

Steroids Man: What's wrong?

Amanda ~> I can't leave Ian... not now anyway, he needs me... it's complicated.

Steroids Man: I need you!

Amanda ~> I'm sorry *sob* it's just too hard right now... maybe some day, maybe a few years down the road....

Steroids Man : I don't have years.... I'm....

Amanda ~> I gotta go....

*click*

Steroids Man: ....dying....

Phil and Steroids Man stare at each other.

Steroids Man: I don't think she heard that last word...

Phil: Call her back.

Steroids Man: I can't, I don't have her phone number...

Phil: Don't you have caller ID or some kind of feature to see what the last number that called was?

Steroids Man: No, I didn't want to waste money getting all those add-ons.

Phil: You're a smurf billionaire!

Steroids Man: You told me to be more responsible with my money! This is all your fault!

Phil: You're just looking for someone to blame.

Steroids Man: Can't you use your fancy laptop to trace her phone number?

Phil: You urinated on my laptop when you were drinking.... just go to her house!

Steroids Man: No, it's too painful there!

Phil: Alright, well I'm done.

Phil gets up and leaves the room whole Steroids Man wallows around in misery some more...

~~~

Suddenly there's a loud knocking at the door.

Steroids Man goes to answer... and to his surprise it's the Robot with his toupee.

(From "last season's episode "My Robot Toupee" - an annoying robot from Steroids Man's past)

Steroids Man: Oh no... not you again...

Robot: YES, I HAVE FINALLY FOUND YOU, GIVE ME A HUG!!!

The robot hugs Steroids Man with some extreme strength.

Steroids Man: What the hell is going on?

Robot: I FINALLY FOUND MYSELF!!!

Steroids Man: Ok...

Robot: THE LAST TIME WE CROSSED PATHS, I WAS CONFUSED AND NEEDED TO DO SOME SELF EXPLORATION, IT TURNS OUT I AM A ROBOT HOMOSEXUAL... AND I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!

Steroids Man: Say what????

Robot: I TURNED GAY.... BUT EVERY HUMAN MALE I HAD tickle fight WITH GOT CRUSHED, BURNED, OR MUTILATED SOMEHOW... YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL SURVIVE MY ROBOT INTERCOURSE!!!

Steroids Man: What the hell would I have tickle fight with you!?!?! This is insane!!

Robot: THINK ABOUT IT... HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU KILLED PEOPLE DURING tickle fight, OR HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY AROUND HAVING tickle fight TO MAKE IT SAFE?

Steroids Man: Well.... (Flashback to slapping Charlena's head off and injuring various other partners with tickle fight....)

Robot: YOU CAN smurf ME ALL YOU WANT WITH NO REPERCUSSIONS!!!

Steroids Man: I dunno...... I need to take a drink.

Steroids Man takes a huge drink as the robot pushes Steroids Man inside and knocks him down through a coffee table.

Robot: I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU.... I'M NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER... I NEED YOU BECAUSE YOU COMPLETE ME....

Steroids Man: You know what.... smurf it, what do I have to lose? If I can't have Amanda then I'll have tickle fight with a robot before I die! At least I'll smurf get some!

The robot sticks out a robot tongue and puts it in Steroids Man's mouth while it makes electronic noises.

Robot: TAKE ME TO YOUR BEDROOM!!!

~~

Phil is in his office sorting out Steroids Man's affairs per his Manager duties when he hears loud noises.... it sounds like screaming and machines.

Phil: What the hell is that?

Phil follows the noises until he finds himself outside Steroids Man's bedroom. Phil just stands by the door and listens ... he hears the following:

Steroids Man: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHH YESSSSS MY bottom!!!!

Robot: I WANT YOU TO CRY WHILE I smurf YOU!!!!

Steroids Man: *Sobbing* YES MASTER!!!!

Robot: OHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS PLEASURE!!!!!!

Steroids Man: I just threw up all over my naked body!!!!!

Robot: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M ROBOT CUMMING!!!

Steroids Man: OHHHHHHHHHHH there's motor oil everywheres!!!!

~~~~~

Next we see the door to a psychologist's office.

We pan inside to see Phil laying on a couch and talking to the doctor

Phil: ...and that's why I came to see you today.

Doctor: Ok.... well this is all very interesting.... just to make sure I got everything right, why don't you tell me that story again from the start?

~~~~

Steroids Man and the Robot did everything together... ate ice cream together, walked hand and hand at the beach, and saw movies together >

At the movie:

Steroids Man whispers gently into the robot's ear that he loves him.

Robot: I LOVE YOU TOO STEROIDS MAN!!!!

Everyone in the theater starts hissing and getting angry.

Man: Shut the smurf up back there!

Woman: Have some respect, we came to watch a movie!

Steroids Man (standing): Don't you all judge me!!!! I'm just like all of you, I want to be loved too!

Robot: LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS BABE!!

The robot starts breathing fire on people in the theater as they run out screaming.

~~~

Steroids Man and the robot are on the couch.

Steroids Man: Robot....

Robot: YES, LOVE?

Steroids Man: Promise me you'll never hurt me...

Robot: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD... I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU!!

Steroids Man: That's all I needed to hear *cry*

We pan out to see Doug the new janitor watching.

Doug: This is the most romantic thing I ever seen....

Robot: THANK YOU, DO YOU HAVE THE TOOLS?

Doug: Yes.

Doug hands the robot a bunch of tools as the robot pulls out a long piece of metal of some kind.

Robot: NOW HELP ME INSTALL MY NEW LONGER PENIS.

~~~~~

At the Council of Heroes meeting...

Everyone is here, including Steroids Man and the robot.

Ultra Man: I dunno Steroids Man... this is suppose to be super heroes only... you shouldn't bring your robot here....

Robot: *GASP*

Steroids Man: You raciest son of a jabberwocky...

Robot (yelling): SAD NOISES!!!!! SAD NOISES!!!! SAD NOISES!!!

Invisible Man: What the smurf is he doing now?

Robot: I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE FILES THAT CONTAIN CRYING NOISES, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU I AM VERY UPSET.

Steroids Man: Listen guys, this is my new lover, and you need to accept that.

Hawk Eyes: But... it's a smurf robot.

Steroids Man: WELCOME TO 2010!!!! Damn it man, there's gay pride parades and everything, and you can't deal with me dating a robot?

Polaroid Man: It's just something we're not really used too...

Robot: GROW THE smurf UP AND LEARN SOME TOLERANCE!!!

Ultra Man: Ok, you know what, let's just move on and get this smurf meeting over with before my blood pressure reaches dangerous levels.

Half Man/ Half Speed Boat: Anyway.... we have some new evidence in the mysterious attacks on the military bases.... oh my goodness, what are they DOING?!?!

Steroids Man and the robot are feeling each other up hardcore, everyone stares at them.

Steroids Man: What? You guys are just smurf jealous!

Robot: STEROIDS MAN, PASS ME MY ALLEN-KEY... I'M PRETTY HORNY NOW AND NEED TO RELIEVE SOME TENSION BUILDING IN MY U-JOINT.

Ultra Man: Ok, you guys love each other, I get it, but can you just be respectful while you're in this meeting room?

Steroids Man: Fine....

Ultra Man: Anyway, you were saying?

Half Man / Speedboat: Yeah..... I think we can pinpoint where the next attack will be....

Steroids Man: Oh no I dropped my pencil.

Ultra Man (closing his eyes and feeling the tip of his noise in pain): I didn't see you with a pencil, or hear anything fall....

Steroids Man: Let me pick it up.

Steroids Man goes under the meeting table.

Robot: I ALSO DROPPED PENCIL.

Steroids Man and the robot begin making out under the table.

Ultra Man: Ok.... we'll just ignore them and continue.

Half Man/ Speedboat: Right, well.... I....... I.... I don't even know what I was talking about anymore.

Robot (From under the table): PLEASURE NOISES!!! PLEASURE NOISES!!! PLEASURE NOISES!!!

Steroids Man: When are you going to smurf download actual pleasure noises????!!

Robot: DON'T YELL AT ME DURING tickle fight!!!

Steroids Man: Oh no.... stop!! STOPP!!!!! *GASP*

All the council members are sitting at the table and have dead expressions on their face and look pale, like they have all seen a ghost or something.

Steroids Man: Stop... stop *gasp*.... this is not good....

Robot: WHAT'S WRONG?

Steroids Man: My heart....

Robot: ARE YOU OK?

Steroids Man: I think... I think I'm having a heart attack....

Robot: I'LL SAVE YOU!!!

The robot emerges from under the large meeting table and goes up to a light switch which is for the next room... he punches a hole under it and then starts ripping off the wall paneling.... now he's able to yank a large amount of wire out from the wall.

The Robot takes the wire and brings it to Steroids Man and separates the individual wires and starts flicking them together to make sparks.

Robot: I'M GOING TO SAVE YOU!!!!

The robot rips Steroids Man's rib cage open to expose the heart and zaps it a few times with the voltage.

After a few minutes Steroids Man's heart is beating regularly.

Robot: ARE YOU OK?

Steroids Man: Yes... thank you.

The robot smacks Steroids Man in the face and begins to walk out as Steroids Man gets up (holding onto his ribcage in place) and follows him.

Steroids Man: What the hell!?

Robot: YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD HEART PROBLEMS!!!

Steroids Man: Well...

Robot: I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST KEEPING SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER!!!

The robot leaves flailing his arms and running.

Steroids Man: Wait!!

Steroids Man chases him out of the room leaving the Council sitting perfectly still in their seats.

**silence**

Ultra Man presses a button on the table while shaking. Suddenly a lady comes on the large screen TV.

Lady: Yes?

Ultra Man: I think we need that emergency group therapist now.

~~~~

Steroids Man finally makes it home to see the robot on the couch making playful dolphin noises while in a sad position.

Steroids Man: What are you doing...?

Robot: I'M CRYING, BUT I ACCIDENTALLY INSTALLED THE WRONG SOUND FILES FOR CRYING NOISES...... *eek eek eek*

Steroids Man: What's wrong....

Robot: OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON LIES!!!

Steroids Man: No it isn't!!!

Robot: HOW DO I EVEN KNOW WHAT OTHER SECRETS YOU'RE KEEPING FROM ME!??!

Steroids Man: I'm not... but I'm seriously dying.... we should spend what time we have left happy together.

Robot: YOU'RE DYING??!?! MORE SECRETS!!!

Steroids Man: You don't seem to care very much....

Robot: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOURSELF YOU KNOW!! YOU SELFISH BASTARD!!!

Steroids Man: I'm not selfish!!!

Robot: YES YOU ARE, HOW COME YOU NEVER PLEASURE ME AS MUCH AS I PLEASURE YOU???? YOU ALWAYS WANT ME TO PLAY WITH YOU, BUT YOU NEVER PLAY WITH ME!!!

Steroids Man: But it's too smurf complicated to play with you, there's too many instructions!!!

Robot: HOW CAN I HAVE A KID WITH YOU NOW!??!

Steroids Man: I still think that having a kid would be really rushing the relationship a lot!

Robot: I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I WAS FULLY CAPABLE OF BUILDING MOST OF OUR CHILD MYSELF, AND I CAN GIVE HIM A REDUCED BATTERY CAPACITY SO HE WILL RECHARGE A LOT AND NOT NEED A LOT OF CARE!!!

Steroids Man: I don't want a robot child, I want a human child!!!

Robot: WE CAN GIVE HIM HUMAN BONES!!! HE WILL BE JUST LIKE A REAL BOY... BUT WITH KILLSAWS.

Steroids Man: Where the hell are we suppose to get these bones?

Robot: WELL WE'LL HAVE TO KILL A FEW PEOPLE, I WON'T LIE TO YOU!!

Steroids Man: I'm suppose to be a super hero, I can't be going around stealing bones from people anymore!!

Robot: I CAN DO IT!!!

Steroids Man: You just don't understand man.... you just don't understand....

~~~~

steroids Man is sitting on the couch alone when Phil enters the room and sits down next to him.

Steroids Man (to Phil): Hey Phil... what do you think the best way to break up with a homosexual robot is?

Phil slowly stands back up and leaves the room.

Steroids Man: Oh.... what am I suppose to do?

Doug enters the room.

Steroids Man: Hey Doug... I need to break up with my robot gay lover.... how can I let him down gently?

Doug: Don't, just make a clean break and end it you sissy.

Steroids Man: Really? But you seemed to think we were going to work...

Doug: You made a good couple... but the heart wants what it wants.... you clearly are still interested in that Amanda Shay, and you need to get it into her before you die.

Steroids Man: You're right!

Doug: I know I am.

Steroids Man: So... what should I say to the robot?

The robot enters the room!!!

Steroids Man: Hi robot... ummm... I got to tell ya something... (nervously)

Doug: *groan* Steroids Man doesn't love you, so get the smurf out.

Robot: YOU MONSTER!!!!! I'M smurf LEAVING FOREVER!!!

The robot tramples through a few walls, gets into his car, and we can hear the tires squeal as he speeds off.

Steroids Man: Wow... that was easy.

Doug: Just give me a raise.

Steroids Man: oh... ok sure.

Doug (Thinking) :: That's right, I'll do anything for a raise, I don't give a shazam!

~end

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:03 am 
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GOD
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Woah.. Did he.... Umm..... is that...... What?


What did I just read? Is this another April Fool episode?

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:10 am 
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Hideous Demon Spawn
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:lol: Oh wow.


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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:31 pm 
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Tee's Bitch
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Thanks for reading everyone, too bad that Steroids Mans new love didnt work out....

Any further thoughts (question mark)

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:54 am 
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Clarence wrote:
Thanks for reading everyone, too bad that Steroids Mans new love didnt work out....

Yah that was a big surprise. :P


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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 1:02 am 
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Tee's Bitch
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I could have kept it going or dragged it out more episodes.

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 8:42 pm 
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Tee's Bitch
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How does this episode compare to the other robot episodes?

25 - My Robot Friend
35 - My Robot Enemy
49 - My Robot Toupee

If you haven't noticed I basically brought him back an episode per season.

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 12:57 am 
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GOD
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I liked my Robot Toupee.

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 2:48 am 
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Tee's Bitch
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Really? I personally thought that was my weakest one out of the four.

I think My Robot Enemy was the best, then my Robot Friend.

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:42 am 
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I just got to thinking that everything that happened in My Robot Enemy was forggoten to the characters because The Manager erased their memories... I hope I remembered that when I wrote My Robot Toupee...

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 4:21 am 
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GOD
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Right, because The Manager could not erase the robot's memory.

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 10:31 pm 
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Guessing Games Queen. Suck it, Nich.
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Deliciously twisted, Clarence! :D

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2011 2:12 am 
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Tee's Bitch
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Thank you! Was it too disturbing to be funny?

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2011 2:49 am 
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Guessing Games Queen. Suck it, Nich.
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Oh, hell no!

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:31 am 
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Tee's Bitch
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The new episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm stole my joke. The hold the door joke used to open the episode is the same opening as this episode of Steroids Man!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyFSAzwLtPk

smurf you Larry David, stop stealing my jokes

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 Post subject: Re: Chapter 60 --> My Robot Homosexual
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:47 pm 
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Hahahahahah!

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