Chapter 124 --> Super Persuasive Guy

[Clarence]

Steve and Amanda are enjoying a SPECTACULAR breakfast.

Steve: This is so good!

Amanda: I know, I can't believe you made this!

Steve: I didn't make this... I thought you did.....

Super Persuasive Guy: I did.

Steve and Amanda both scream as this mysterious stranger is in their house wearing a spiffy black business suit and sunglasses and slicked back hair with an apron on pouring syrup on their pancakes.

Steve: Who the smurf are you?

Super Persuasive Guy: I'm your future.

Steve: Huh?

Super Persuasive Guy: I'm here to improve your life, firstly by being the replacement hero you've been searching for.

Amanda: But we already have Phil....

Super Persuasive Guy: Phil's no good and you both know it. Let me show you what I can do, let's go for a walk.

Amanda: All of us?

Super Persuasive Guy: Yes, a pregnant woman should always walk, it's good for the baby.

Amanda: ...how did you know I was pregnant?

Super Persuasive Guy: It's my business to know these things. Come on *snaps fingers*

As this mysterious man leaves the room Amanda and Steve whisper to each other.

Amanda: Who the hell is this guy?

Steve: He just broke into our home and made us breakfast?

Amanda: Let's just follow him.

Steve: Really?

Amanda: Yeah, I'm strangely compelled to follow him.

Steve: Me too.

Super Persuasive Guy (off screen): Come on guys!

~~~

Amanda, Steve and this mysterious man are walking down the street.

Super Persuasive Guy: Now let's find some criminals, shall we?

They hear screams from an alleyway.

Super Persuasive Guy: There we go. This city has no shortage of recidivists, does it?

We see a man with a knife trying to steal a lady's purse.

Super Persuasive Guy: Stop right there.

Thief: Don't be a hero man!

Amanda and Steve stay back as this mysterious man approaches the thief.

Thief: I'll stab you!

Super Persuasive Guy: No you won't, now listen here....

Amanda and Steve watch as this mysterious man appears to have a conversation with the thief. They watch as the thief drops his knife and walks backwards to Amanda and Steve.

Thief: Ok! Ok!

Super Persuasive Guy: Go, turn yourself in to the cops.

Thief: I WILL!!!

The thief runs across the street and Amanda and Steve watch as the thief goes up to a cop... they can tell he's talking to the cop and the cop arrests him.

Lady: Thank you so much! Here's my number.

The lady hands the mysterious man a piece of paper and leaves with a big smile on her face.

Steve: Ok .... what the hell just happened?

Amanda: What did you say to that criminal?

Super Persuasive Guy: Only the right words. Any situation can be resolved simply with words.

The mysterious man gets between Amanda and Steve and puts one arm around each and begins to walk.

Super Persuasive Guy: Ok, now let's go find something bigger.

~~~~

Amanda, Steve and the mysterious man now find themselves in front of a bank with cop cars swarming in. Police chief Jan comes out with a megaphone.

Amanda: What's going on?

Police Chief Jan: What else is going on in this city? Another bank robbery of course.

Police Chief Jan grabs her megaphone and aims it at the bank.

Police Chief Jan (with Megaphone): COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, WE HAVE THIS PLACE SURROUNDED! RELEASE THE HOSTAGES THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO GET MESSY!

Super Persuasive Guy: Terrible, a perfect example of someone not using the right words.

Amanda: What are the right words?

Super Persuasive Guy: Let me show you, let's all go inside the bank, shall we?

Amanda: We can't go in the bank!

Super Persuasive Guy: We can and we will.

Steve: shazam!... I guess we're going in the bank.

The three of them begin to approach the bank.

Police Chief Jan: YOU GUYS CAN'T GO IN THERE!

Super Persuasive Guy (turning around and facing Jan): Button it.

Jan stares at this mysterious man with her jaw dropped and with nothing to say and the mysterious man stares at her for an awkward few seconds.

Jan: Ok, whatever.

The mysterious man brings Amanda and Steve into the bank. The robbers all aim their guns at them as they come in.

Robber #1: WHO THE smurf ARE YOU!!!??!

Robber #2: GET DOWN!!!

Amanda and Steve begin to get down but the mysterious man moves his hand to stop them.

Super Persuasive Guy: Don't get down. That's ridiculous and you should never get down for anybody.

Amanda: They have guns!

Robber #1: YEAH, WE HAVE GUNS!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: I don't care.

Amanda: You don't care???

Steve: How can you not care??!?

Robber: #1: YEAH, HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?!?!?!

Super Persuasive Guy: The only the only thing that I care about is me. I don't fear guns, the real threat is what I'm about to say.

The mysterious man walks towards the 4 robbers and backs them into a corner and says something to them that Steve and Amanda can't make out.

Robber #3: Ok shazam! man, we surrender!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: Get down.

The 4 robbers get down on the ground.

Super Persuasive Guy: Get further down.

The robbers attempt to make themselves flatter as the mysterious man places his boot on one of the robber's face.

Super Persuasive Guy: Lick my boot.

Robber: Yes sir!

Steve and Amanda look at each other in complete bewilderment.

~~~~

The three of them come home and enter the living-room.

Amanda: I still have no idea how you did those things.

Super Persuasive Guy: Wisdom, knowledge, and words are all you need. So now that I've proven my worth to you, there will be no need for further discussion, I am the hero who will finally allow you to retire.

Steve: But...

Super Persuasive Guy: The discussion is over, it's done. Phil is gone and I have taken his place.

Amanda: What do you mean Phil is gone...?

Super Persuasive Guy: I deleted him of course.

Steve: ...what?

Super Persuasive Guy: He was a terrible waste of a program and had so many flaws. But before I made him delete himself, I had him create this:

A woman in a maid uniform enters the room.

Super Persuasive Guy: This is Nancy. She is a hologram running off the device Phil made that allows holograms to be solid and interact with things.

Amanda: Wha....

Super Persuasive Guy: This place is a mess and this programmable maid who never tires or requires food is just what was needed.

Suddenly some random dogs enter the room, a white pug, a black lab and a brown lab.

Amanda: What the hell is this?

Steve: Hey, where are the cats?

Super Persuasive Guy: You own dogs now.

Steve: What...

Super Persuasive Guy: Dogs are way better companions than cats and furthermore you don't want dirty cats around when you're pregnant. It's what's best for Jordan.

Amanda: ...who's Jordan?

Super Persuasive Guy: It's your son or daughter.

Amanda: No... that's not what we're going to name our kid.

Super Persuasive Guy: It's the perfect name. Instead of you two debating on and on over what to name the child, I have decided your child's name will be Jordan. It's a unisex name and it's where the discussion ends.

Steve: But...

Suddenly the doorbell rings and Nancy answers it. It's the lady who the mysterious man saved from the purse robber earlier.

Super Persuasive Guy: Ah, hello Delores!

Delores: Hello, you!

Super Persuasive Guy (to Steve and Amanda): I'm going to have tickle fight with Delores now in your bed.

The mysterious man and Delores go upstairs.

Super Persuasive Guy (while walking up the stairs and talking to Delores): I'm going to terrible things to you.

Finally Amanda and Steve are alone.

Amanda: What.... the smurf is happening?

Steve: I don't like this guy, he's kind of intense....

Amanda: Let's go talk to him.

Steve: What if we can't? He has some kind of power over people!

Amanda: That's silly, we're getting rid of him right now.

~~~~

As Amanda and Steve are waiting outside their room loud screams of pleasure are heard from inside.

Amanda: He's been having tickle fight for like 2 hours....

Super Persuasive Guy (from behind door): Ok, I'm done. Now leave.

Delores: Ok, let me get dressed!

Super Persuasive Guy: Give me some money.

The door opens to reveal Delores leaving and the mysterious man wearing a robe counting money on Steve and Amanda's messy bed.

Steve: Ummm... we need to talk to you.....

Super Persuasive Guy: No you don't.

Steve: Ok...... ummmm.....

Amanda: Can we go ahead and talk to you anyway?

The mysterious man stands up and gets really close and personal.

Super Persuasive Guy: Are you sure you're ready to have a serious conversation with me?

Amanda: Ummm... *gulp*

Super Persuasive Guy: Why don't you guys go to bed, you have a long and hard grueling day tomorrow.

Amanda: Ummm... what?

Super Persuasive Guy: It's your guys bed time.

Steve: We're not sleeping in that bed, you had tickle fight all over it.

Super Persuasive Guy (really close to Steve now): You're going to sleep in that bed I just had glorious tickle fight in, and you're going to enjoy it.

Amanda: Ummmm......

Super Persuasive Guy: Good night.

The mysterious man leaves the bedroom and shuts the door and we hear a locking noise.

Amanda: ...did he just lock us in here?

Amanda goes to feel the door.

Super Persuasive Guy (from outside): Don't touch that door!

Amanda: Ok!

Super Persuasive Guy: Go to bed now.

Amanda and Steve both go to bed and hold each other very close while shivering in fear.

~~~~~

Amanda and Steve both come downstairs and see the mysterious man sitting back in a new recliner and also some machines in the living-room, such as a Conveyor belt and baking ingredients such as bags of flower and etc.

Amanda: What's going ....

Super Persuasive Guy: Pretzels.

Steve: Huh?

Super Persuasive Guy: Today's the first day of your new pretzel business.

Steve: What the hell?

Super Persuasive Guy: We need to build the brand "Steroids Man" to be more than just super hero work... but also a popular pretzel chain. I know what's best for you. Get to work.

Amanda: We have no clue how to make pretzels!

Super Persuasive Guy: I printed out all the instructions for you.

Amanda: I don't want to make pretzels....

Super Persuasive Guy: Life is only what you put into it, don't be afraid of a little hard work.

Steve: I think we want to opt out of this.... please.

Super Persuasive Guy: I'm telling you that this a good idea, are you both trying to defy me?

Amanda: Ummm...

Super Persuasive Guy: Do you want me to take my sunglasses off?

Amanda: ...what happens if you take your sun glasses off?

Super Persuasive Guy: Things get REALLY serious when the sunglasses come off.

Steve: Ok baby, let's get to work making pretzels.

Super Persuasive Guy: I thought so.

As Amanda and Steve get to work, the mysterious man makes a phone call.

Steve: Who are you calling?

Super Persuasive Guy: I'm ordering a pizza to celebrate your new life.

Amanda: Well... that's one good thing... I guess...

~~~~

The mysterious man is watching TV while Steve and Amanda work their asses off in the background making pretzels. The doorbell rings and the mysterious man persuades the delivery boy to giving him the pizza for free.

Steve: Oh... you only got one pizza?

Super Persuasive Guy: Yes, I'm quite hungry.

Amanda: ...what about us?

Super Persuasive Guy: You guys are going to have enough pretzels to eat for a long time, trust me.

The mysterious man takes a bite of the pizza and throws it across the room.

Super Persuasive Guy: Terrible!

Steve: Really... isn't that Pepperoni Joe's pizza? Their pizza is usually the best.

Super Persuasive Guy: Well clearly not today!

Amanda: ...maybe they just had an off day, we can take the pizza off your hands.

Super Persuasive Guy: No, a good business never has an off day. I'm going to have this pizza destroyed and then I'm going to make them go out of business.

Nancy comes by to take the pizza away and the mysterious man makes a phone call.

Super Persuasive Guy: Hello? Pepperoni Joe's Pizza? Get me the highest level of authority for your company.

~~~~

As Steve and Amanda slave away, the mysterious man watches TV after his phone call.

TV: And in other news, Pepperoni Joe's has just announced that he is going to close all of his stores and go out of business forever.

We show Pepperoni Joe on a podium crying.

Pepperoni Joe: It's just ... it's just time to end my business.... I was not providing 100% satisfaction and ... I deserve to end it all.

Amanda: Did you... do that?

Super Persuasive Guy: Never strive for anything LESS than perfection and excellence. Speaking of which....

The mysterious Man gets up close and personal to Amanda and Steve at the pretzel production line.

Super Persuasive Guy: How are the pretzels coming along?

Amanda: Good....

Super Persuasive Guy: We build a business on confidence. Is "Good" really the message you're trying to deliver here? Why not immaculate? We aren't going to break the pretzel business with anything less than immaculate!

Steve: What the hell is happening?

Super Persuasive Guy: Eat the pretzel Chester.

Steve: ...my name is Steve.

Super Persuasive Guy: Don't hide behind a fake name, grow a personality and be a man and eat the damn pretzel.

Steve: But I hate pretzels so much!

Super Persuasive Guy: Don't make me take the sunglasses off!

Steve: OK OK!!!

Steve eats the pretzel while crying.

Super Persuasive Guy: Good, good. Now get better, get faster and let's make this thing worldwide. I'm going to be in my office now obliterating the stock market.

The mysterious man goes into Phil's old office and shuts the door.

Amanda: Ok, we got to get rid of that guy!

Steve: How!?

Amanda: Just go in there and fire him!

Steve: That's impossible!

Amanda: I can't make any more pretzels.... *cry* I want my life back.

Steve looks at Amanda crying and now has a new sense of determination.

Steve: I got a plan.

~~~

The mysterious Man is in the office and Steve walks in wearing sunglasses.

Steve: Ok Mr... whatever your name is! We're going to talk!

Super Persuasive Guy: Take those sun glasses off right now.

Steve: *whimper* Ok....

Steve takes off the glasses.

Super Persuasive Guy: Now step on them.

Steve: Yes sir.

Steve drops the glasses and crushes them with his feet.

Super Persuasive Guy: Now what did you feel was so important that you needed to take an unauthorized break from the pretzel company to interrupt me in here?

Steve: Well I was thinking maybe that.. you know... I was going to fire you....

Super Persuasive Guy (laughing): Oh really?

Steve: ....yes?

Super Persuasive Guy: You think you're going to just fire me, just like that?

Steve: Ummm... yeah, let's do that.

Super Persuasive Guy: Ok, well I'll go ahead and let you fire me....

Steve: Really?

Super Persuasive Guy: Yes, but keep in mind that if you fire me, you'll have to suck my mister friendly.

Steve: ....what?

Super Persuasive Guy: It's simple. Listen up. If you fire me, I am going to make you suck my mister friendly.

Steve: Ummm.....

Super Persuasive Guy: You know that I can make you do it. I can make you do ANYTHING to me.

Steve: ....

Super Persuasive Guy: Do you still want to fire me?

Steve: No thanks.

Super Persuasive Guy: Smart move. Now you and your wife go back to work and don't take any more breaks today or the sunglasses come off and shazam! gets real.

Steve backs out of the office slowly and is about to shut the door.

Super Persuasive Guy: No. Leave it open. I want to leer at you as you work.

Steve: *gulp* Ok.

Steve goes back to Amanda and begins making pretzels feverishly.

Amanda: What happened?

Steve: Nothing! Everything is good!

~~~~

Amanda and Steve are sleeping in their bed which the mysterious man has defiled many times. They are tired from a labor intensive day of making pretzels.

Amanda: This is the worst day of my life....

Steve: At least we finally get to sleep.

Super Persuasive Guy (knocking on wall from other room): Don't forget to set your alarm for 4 am!

Steve and Amanda cry in each other's arms until the mysterious man comes in the room wearing a robe.

Super Persuasive Guy: Chester, I need to talk to you!

Steve: *gulp* I love you so much baby!

Amanda: I love you too!

Steve goes out into the hall to meet with Super Persuasive Guy.

Steve: What did you want?

Super Persuasive Guy: In a few minutes I'm going to come take your wife for tickle fight.

Steve: What....

Super Persuasive Guy: Get her fired up for me, will you?

Steve: No.....

Super Persuasive Guy: I'll take the sunglasses off!

Steve: Fine! Do it! Take your damn sunglasses off!

The mysterious Man removes his sunglasses to reveal some spooky light blue eyes that are wielding a supremely intense look!

Steve: OH shazam!!!!

Steve gets backed up against the wall as the mysterious man stares right through him and speaks....

Super Persuasive Guy (in a very creepy voice): SNAKES!!!!

Steve screams and runs into the bedroom with Amanda.

Steve and Amanda hang out under the blanket while he cries.

Amanda: Are you ok? What did he do to you!?!

Steve: He took off his sunglasses!

Amanda: Oh crap!

Steve: And then he said something to me... something that horrifies me!

Amanda: What did he say?

Steve: In a very evil voice he said ... "SNAKES".....

Amanda: Snakes?

Steve: Yes!!! Don't repeat it!!

Amanda: Are you afraid of snakes....

Steve: No.....

Amanda: Did he make snakes appear?

Steve: No.....

Amanda: What happened?

Steve: It was just smurf spooky!!!

Amanda rubs Steve's back trying to calm him down.

Steve: Let's make a run for it!

Amanda: We can't run, he bolted the window shut and locked the door.

Steve: Something terrible is going to happen!

Amanda: What else could happen?

Steve: He's going to take you and.....

Suddenly the blanket gets pulled off of them and the mysterious guy is in the room.

Super Persuasive Guy: It's time.

Amanda: What?

Steve: ...NO!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: Gloria, come with me.

Amanda: Gloria?

Super Persuasive Guy: Yes, your new name is Gloria, it suits you better.

Amanda reluctantly stands up and walks with the mysterious man out of the room, he then comes back to address Steve real quick.

Super Persuasive Guy: Ok Chester, here's what I want you to do....

~~~~

Amanda is in the mysterious man's room wearing only a thin blanket.

Amanda: What are you going to do with me?

Super Persuasive Guy: We're going to have glorious tickle fight my pet.

Amanda: No.... I can't do it! That's adultery!

Super Persuasive Guy: Depending on who's point of view.

Amanda: Anyone's point of view!

Super Persuasive Guy: This night is going to go a lot better for you if you just give in now.

Amanda: This is rape!

Super Persuasive Guy: It's not rape because you're going to more than want to have intercourse with me before I'm done with you.

Amanda: STEVE!!!! HELP!!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: Oh, your wimpy husband isn't going to help you. I talked with him earlier. He's outside with a shotgun making sure you don't escape. If you try to run .... he'll shoot you.

Show Steve standing outside the door listening and crying while loading a shotgun.

Amanda: You're a monster!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: I'm a legend!

Amanda: I'm not going to let you do this to me!

Super Persuasive Guy: I guess the sunglasses are going to have to come off!

Amanda: NOOOOOOO!!!

The mysterious man removes his sunglasses and stares at Amanda with his VERY intense eyes!

Super Persuasive Guy (in a very creepy voice): BEARS!!!!!!!!

Amanda: OH shazam! NOT THOSE!!! ANYTHING BUT THOSE!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: Drop the blanket and get ready to be violated!

Amanda: *sob* Ok... just don't be too rough....

Super Persuasive Guy: I will decide exactly how rough this is going to be and you're going to like it.

Amanda cries as she slowly lowers the blanket, exposing some cleavage, when she's about to expose her breasts ... something happens...

Amanda: What's that?

Super Persuasive Guy: Huh?

Amanda picks up a little blue pill she sees on the bed.

Super Persuasive Guy: Forget that! Take off your clothes and show me your delicious body!

Amanda: This is a Viagra!

Super Persuasive Guy: No it's not! It's a skittle!!

Amanda: No ... this is a boner pill!

Super Persuasive Guy: Shut up!

Amanda: With all your confidence and intimidation and all that... you can't even get your own erections!

Super Persuasive Guy: Noo....... noo.....

Amanda: I'm not scared of you anymore!

Super Persuasive Guy: Yes you are!

Amanda opens her eyes wide and approaches the mysterious man.

Super Persuasive Guy: What are you doing?

Amanda corners him against a wall staring intensely!

Amanda (using a creepy voice): SHARKS!!!!!

Super Persuasive Guy: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The mysterious man busts through the door knocking Steve over and runs down the hall crying, Steve stumbles and accidentally shoots the shotgun blowing the mysterious man's head off.

Steve: shazam!! What did I do!?!?!

Amanda comes out running and hugs Steve.

Amanda: It's ok! It's over baby, it's all over!

Steve: That was smurf up!

Amanda: I'm so glad it's all over!

Steve: I need to smurf retire! I'm sick of this crap! Let's smurf retire already!

Amanda: We're going too baby. We'll have the retirement party next week and finally live our happy lives away from this crazy city!

Steve and Amanda kiss passionately.

Steve: I'm so glad you're ok baby!

Amanda: You too, I love you so much!

~~~~~~~~~~

And with that, Steve and Amanda prepare for the retirement party in the next episode. They also find their 3 missing cats, Max, Conky and Kiera at a near by animal shelter and bring them home. Also they get the robot to help recover Phil's program from the deleted files and restore him to his solid hologram form, getting rid of Nancy. The stage is set for the finale next episode!

~~~~~~~~~