WHere else?

[UnknownSoldier]

I dont know where else this could go. I just need to get it out there and off my shoulders, and yall seem to be the only place I feel comfortable saying anything.

when they robbed me, they stabbed me 5 times. I should have just stopped then, It was not my store they were robbing, I was just an assistant manager there. hell if I had any brains at all I would have stopped when they pulled the knife. then they shot me, not once but twice... they smurf shot me. over $100.00. My own smurf country men. the people that I went through hell to protect. the people I have several physical and uncountable mental scars from defending... they turned their backs on me... and worse they took the only thing I had left to believe in. My ability to defend myself. Cause when all else failed thats all I had. no family to fall back on, no friends to help me through the hard times. Not a single person physically there to say " I am here if you need me " no comforting hand on my shoulder. I have not had that for them to take away since I came back from Iraq. But I was brave and I was strong and I could fight. God damnit I could fight. I dont have that anymore, I am a smurf coward and what makes it worse is that I cant deny it. and I cant reason it out. They never even caught the guys... had them on camera and everything and never caught them. cops said it was 43 min after they shot me till the first customer came in and you know what he did... he left, he did not call for help he left me there. 13 minutes late another customer came in. She called the cops, she sat there with me till the ambulance came. She talked to me and apparently I spoke to her. all I remember was the first few minutes or seconds after it happened... all I could think was that it was finally all over. but even that got taken from me. I have nothing left nothing, and all the nurses and doctors say how lucky I am to be alive, how god must have something special for me, how god is not done with me yet... I just want it to be over and if I had it in me it would be... but I just cant do that. I dont know why I cant, I can list to many reasons to want to end it... I cant think of a single reason not to... but I cant do it. I'm just so god damn tired of it being so hard just to get out of bed. To open my eyes and not want to close them forever. I want to forget everything and be forgotten in turn... but I just cant. Why cant i?

[Shay]

I want to say something comforting. I want to say something wise. I want to say something that will make it all go away and give you a little bit of hope, a little bit of respect, a little bit of love. All those things you both need and/or want. Unfortunately, I am not so wise, nor do I have the right words to say.

What I can tell you is that you are loved by many of us and we would be very sad to see you go. I know Chex and I, and many others I'm sure, have talked about how we miss you and hope you are OK. It always brings a comforting smile to our face when you make that random appearance. I am so sorry you have been treated cruelly. I really hope the bastard is caught. I'm not good for advice, but I'll always be here to listen to ya. I'm simply a PM box away. And if you like, I'll even give you my address and my phone number.

[Giana]

I am sorry!
I am glad you are ok,now!
I am happy to see you back here!
I dont know what to say to you to make you feel better,i just need to say that i missed you here and hope you wont go through what you are thinking right now.It must have a terrible experience...i am not verry good with words,but i am better with hugs,so i sand you a big hug and hope Zot will come here soon to reply to your post,cause he will know what to say to you....

[Eff]

I don't F get it . Are you in the hospital ?
Did you just have a bad dream ?
Can you promiss us that you'll gett over itt by yourself ? 'coz whatever you'll say about being weak ,you're wrong . you have all thte power you need , you are strong and smart and hot
You just need a rest .

Plz someone...what's going on?

[Eff]

Okay , you're home .
Is there really no one there for you?
Did you try to ask for help from ppl you know? x-garlf or a good nieghbore ?.You can't be that lonley . How about friends in arms ? non live close to you ?

What can we do ?

[Giana]

Right now,just listen to him....i gues!

[bella]

How can I try to comfort when you have gone through so much that a single person can hardly stand it? What can I say when words are not enough to let you know we are here, reaching out that hand and telling you you are not alone. Even if we can't physically be there, we're with you, thinking of you, worrying how you are, asking ourselves why you have to go through so much. And we're glad you're alive.
You are no coward, what happened to you would scare the hell out of everybody. I hope you find enough inner strength again to go on. You're not alone.

[Wesley]

Hey there U.S. After your post in FOOD a few months ago I started scouring the internet looking for articles about what happened to you because I wanted to see if you were alright. I could not find anything. I did not have any contact information for you because it was in my old PM box which was deleted with the old forum. I was worried. I have been thinking about you quite a bit these past few weeks, wondering what has happened, wondering if you will make it back in here. Partly because I miss you, partly because if you can show up here for a few minutes, it means you are alive and well.... at least somewhat.

You know that quote,"... no man is an island..."? Well, in many ways this is true. People like us have a positive influence on every single person we interact with. Whether it was the girl in the dental floss who rented a unit, or the guy who delivered your pizza. These people will at least remember some shadow of a feeling of interacting with you. In this way we are all connected.

In other ways we are all alone. Inside our heads we are all alone. Our past is ours alone, to dwell in, to slog through the failures and bad memories. The bad part about this is that -- and I have no idea why -- this negative crap seems to build momentum. One negative thought will give birth to a few more, and pretty soon the inertia builds up and actually has a physiological consequence. The metabolism changes. Hormone production shifts. Weird stuff happens. It is hard to shake that funk once we get into it.

The nice thing about being alone is that, in many ways, when you are alone the Universe is yours. What you see, what you touch, what you feel right now is all there is. The past is just a faded postcard. The future is always beyond our sight. Right now is all that exists, all that matters. Suddenly, feeling a pebble through the sole of your shoe and realizing that the pebble only exists because you feel it.... that is the only important thing. The sun is warm because YOU feel it and see it and it warms YOU. If you can, embrace these thoughts. Exist simply because you can. Because you choose to do so. Because you are the only reason you exist. Soon you will see that your Universe does indeed bump into other people's universes... sometimes with good results. Eventually you can feel the folds of all the people around you, spinning in their own little cosmic orbit. But the great thing is that when you close your eyes, it is still all you. And it is good.

The only good thing about being laid low is that we can appreciate the view that much better when we get back up. Indirectly I have seen you climb back up from the bottom once... twice? I fully expect to see you do it again.

[Giana]

I hope he will come back to read it.

[Eff]

Of course he WILL , Gianna, no foking doubt . He knows we care .


Edit
Okay after reading Zot's post i now understand US post better ..
That is a serious crap , what US has been through . deadly thoughts ANY ?!

Bella 'n Zot .. You are just to good to be true , And i'm happy for US for your existence .

[Giana]

I wish there was something we could do....more.

[Eff]

You're so right Giana , i know each one of us feels that way .

[LaLou]

Indeed, what can one say.

That was some serious crap you've been through. Would it help to say that I was crying reading that?
What the others have said is also true for me. We missed you. We are glad you made it alive.
We would take it away from you if we could. We love you. And we are here if you need us.

[Beany]

My post isn't much help, but I just wanted to highlight the fact that you're never alone, US.

You didn't deserve the attack, especially after what you've been through.

[Giana]

No one deserves being attacked.

[Beany]

I never said some people did, if it was against my post. Sorry I it implied it.

[Dowster]

I have to admit I've kind of been in debate as to whether or not I should post here. Having been where you are now, I really should know what to say, I should really have some postive words of inspiration. But I can't seem to find them. My circumstances were very different, but there was a period of time (a little over a decade) where life gave me very few reasons to carry on, and on occasion some smurf big ones to give up. Without making this about me, what I can do is relate and hopefully some insight into why im still here (I would say how but I think it's somewhere closer to a why) will be helpful to you

For one year at least I was living most of the time almost by the minute, the thought was either - ok I can survive this one, what im going through now is bareable so if I get to the end of it, maybe the next won't be so bad. On more "peaceful" times it was more along the lines of - well I don't really have a life worth living, but in this instant there's nothing happening that's so bad I can't carry on a bit longer to see if things improve. Fortunately for me - eventually - things did, fortunately...

Everything that has and will happen to you in life is all part of one big picture. Each piece of shazam! that it throws at you is a single component of your life itself, and when you think about it as a whole - a singular thing, all the crap that's been forced on you and how far you've been pushed and pushed towards quitting. That's what you've had the strength to defend yourself against, and that fact that you're still here means you won, every day up until now you won because life and all it's febreeze keeps on trying to put you down, and every day you're still here at the end of it. That is something that requires more strength, more courage and more of all the qualities that should be admired in a person, than being able to fight off a couple of balloon knot who attacked you when you were unarmed. The definition of bravery has never been to not be scared, not being scared of anything is retarded and ignorant. The truth is, people who are scared to continue - in any situation - but do anyway are the ones with courage. Being affected the way you have by the things you've seen and experienced in your life only means that you refused to lose your humanity when many other people would have. You're not cold, despite whatever nickname or reputation you had before and that's why things have been so difficult for you, because you refused to take the easy option and close yourself off to the reality of what was going on around you.

So all I can say to you is this. I think you deserve to be here more than most people, you deserve to catch a friggin break more than pretty much anyone, and I can't say to you in any honesty that things will definitely get better. I can say that it's possible - and that I hope they do, and I can say that it's worth hanging in for as long as you can becuase one day you could well have a whole bunch of good reasons to still be here, and you`ll really be glad that you didn't give in. For me back when I saw no light in my future and couldn't dare to imagine there would be, it was just a case of the more I was pushed the more I wanted to hold on (I would say push/fight back but I didn't have the energy or motivation for that) so that if things turned around at some point and I found myself in a better postion I would be able to consider it as a big smurf You to life, to all it's shazam! and to all the people who contributed to making it what it was. Between you and the shitstorm, you've proven over and over that you're the stronger one, so please don't ever let it win. We will always be here for any support and help we can give whatever it may be. All the best to you my friend

[Giana]

where is he?

[UnknownSoldier]

All I can do, is all I can do and I keep on tryin
And all I can be is all I can be and I keep on tryin
There's always a mountain in front of me,
Seems I'm always climbin and fallin and climbin
But I keep on tryin

that seems to sum it up for me. Thanks for the encouragement

[Wesley]

Dude! I am happy to see you!