Chapter 146 --> Steroids Men Unite!

[Clarence]

Earth .... there it is. Steve, Amanda, Weed Man and Max look out the window at this glorious familiar view ..... Samantha and David are interested in what's to come....

The mother ship comes to a stop and a small craft detaches and heads towards the planet!

In a parking lot behind the Harvey's restaurant .... the ship lands. The hatches open and smoke comes out and fills the parking lot! Steve, Amanda, Samantha, David, Max and Weed Man along with the two aliens exit the ship all coughing violently.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Sorry for the smoke guys .... this ship is old but gets the job done.

Amanda: Why are you dropping us off behind this random Harvey's restaurant?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Cause your weak minded planet can not handle being aware aliens exist! And nobody would spot us back here......

Steve: Whatever. Thanks for dropping us off. Now let's go home!

Steve and the Earth crew leave as the aliens watch them walk away.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Call us some time!

Steve and them disappear over a hill.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: ... they won't call.

~~~~

The 6 of our heroes walk around the city ... but things are not as they seem. Max walks with them and as always since the evolution, walks upright.

Steve: Wow .... a LOT has changed in 20 years .....

David: .... this place is scary!

Weed Man still has his duffel bag of weed.

Weed Man: Yeah man... I don't remember there being this many broken buildings....

Amanda: ... and dead bodies on the streets!

Samantha: This place isn't what you guys made it out to be!!!

Max: I don't think it was like this.

Suddenly Max sniffs and looks around and steps in front of everybody and stretches his arms out to stop them.

Steve: ... what's going on Max?

Max looks frantic and his eyes are big!

Amanda: ... Max ... do you see something we don't???

Suddenly! Max jumps HIGH up into the air and catches a flying bird with his front paws! He then lands HARD on the ground very ungracefully ... he then takes the bird with his paw and smashes it repeatedly on the pavement!

Everyone is horrified as they never seen Max do this before ... there's no birds on Cokima.

Steve: Ok buddy ... you need to never do that again!

Max: ...but ... it was moving around in the sky! ... I had to stop it.

David: Seriously guys ... what's going here? Why is everyone dead? Are we next?!??!

Everyone looks around and all there is for miles is dead bodies and destroyed buildings.

Steve: .... everyone is dead ... wait!

Steve spots movement.

Steve: That guy is alive! Let's see what he has to say!

Everyone goes to a bloody and injured man crawling around.

Injured Man: .... kill me.

Steve (disappointed): Oh.....

Amanda: What happened here??!?!

The injured man looks up and zooms in on Steve's face.

Injured Man: THE DEVIL!!!!!!!

The injured man head butts the pavement until he dies....

Everyone looks at each other VERY confused while Weed Man smokes a space joint and comments.

Weed Man: Dude, Earth sucks now.

Samantha: DADDY!!! What is THIS?!?!

Samantha finds a painting on a wall ... the only wall remaining of a ruined building. Everyone looks at the painting which adds more confusion.

It's a portrait of Steroids Man in a red costume with a skull on it and metal spikes all over. Steroids Man looks very evil and red and has real looking horns coming out of his head! There is a message on the picture: "ALL HAIL DARK LORD STEROIDS MAN!!!!"

Samantha: Dad.... why do you look so evil in that picture!!!!

David: You never told us you were a dark lord!

Steve: Something is wrong here!!!! I don't remember being in this picture!!!!

Suddenly Max notices another flying thing.....

Max: Guys ... look up there.

Steve: Yes, another bird. We have PLENTY of those on Earth!

Max: This is no bird....

Everyone looks up to see a big flying metal creature .... it looks like a giant floating metal eye with metal tentacles behind it ... sort of like the sentinels in The Matrix. This metal flying thing stops and looks at them from high in the sky.

Weed Man: I am high as shiiiiiiiiiit.

The sentinel's large metal eye turns red and shines a bright red spotlight on Amanda.... then David ... and everyone gets a turn .... then to Steve....

Steve: .... hello?

The sentinel's single large robot eye grows wide.

Sentinel (robot voice): STEROIDS MAN #218 LOCATED!!! DESTROY!!!!!

Steve: shazam!, son!

Everyone begins to run as the flying metal sentinel shoots laser beams at them causing craters in the pavement and explosions all over!

As everyone runs:

Samantha: EARTH SUCKS!!!!

Amanda: *pant* IT USED TO BE A LOT NICER!!!

Max: I'M TIRED AND NEED A NAP!

David: MY LEGS HURT AND RUNNING AGAINST THIS WIND IS HURTING MY FACE!

Weed Man: THIS SPACE WEED IS THE GREATEST THING EVER!

Steve: WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IN THE MOST smurf UP SITUATIONS EVER!?

The 6 of them all run and hide behind a destroyed building, behind a remaining wall ...... panting and out of breath.

Steve: What ... *pant* ... just WHAT THE smurf!!?!?!!

Suddenly multiple sentinels surround them in the sky.

Steve: ...no

Amanda: We're gonna die again, aren't we?

The sentinels charge up their weapons and begin to glow red.

Suddenly! A portal opens up and someone steps out who looks just like Steroids Man, except in a futuristic costume as the portal remains open behind him. He looks like he's wearing technological clothes with glowing flashing lights. Also a cool visor on his eyes.

Steve: NOW WHO THE smurf ARE YOU!?!?!?!

Weird guy from portal: Come with me and HURRY!

Sentinels: KILL!!!!!

The sentinels begin to fire as the weird portal guy gets impatient and grabs our 6 heroes and whips them into the portal one at a time and super fast! He jumps in too as the portal closes and the sentinel's laser beams blow up the area they were just at!

~~~~

Cut to a large metal room .... it looks fancy and futuristic .... HIGH up in the room is an open portal .... on the hard and cold metal floor down below is Steve, Amanda, David, Samantha, Max and Weed Man .... all horribly injured and piled on top of each other.

Suddenly the guy wearing technological clothes falls out of the portal and crashes on them HARD as they all scream!

The technological clothes guy stands up as the portal closes.

Weird guy from portal: Are you guys ok?

Everyone stands up and straightens themselves out.

Amanda: Of course we're not ok! You just grabbed us all and threw us through a portal!

David: I'm in so much pain ...... my bones ache!

Steve: WHY WAS THE OTHER END OF THE PORTAL SO HIGH OFF THE GROUND?!?!?!?!

Weird guy from portal: Sorry guys. Here, let me shoot you with this.

The weird technological portal guy aims a strange gun at them! Everyone covers their faces and screams!

Weird guy from portal: Calm down guys, it's just a health gun.

The weird guy shoots them with a blue coloured ray and they all feel much better!

Steve: What is going on here???

Weird guy from portal: Sorry ... I'm Steroids Man #1762 ..... in my reality we have mastered technology much faster than your reality .... my suit here allows me to open portals through time, space and alternate dimensions. My people take it upon ourselves to maintain order and fix time and reality issues.

Amanda: Huh? I don't understand ... are you from the future?

Technological Steroids Man: No Ma'am, all of the Steroids Men are from the same time-frame.... just each has lived an alternate reality. Again, my reality we are much more technologically advanced than any other I've seen. For you guys it may be another 2000 years before you even begin to catch up to me.

Samantha: .... Steroids MEN?

Technological Steroids Man: Yes ... let me show you.

~~~

Technological Steroids Man leads our heroes into a LARGE room .... this room is filled with alternate versions of Steroids Man ... each one in a different costume or wig but all with the basic appearance of Steve.

All the Steroids Men gather around them and face an ENORMOUS Steroids Man. This big Steroids Man is a giant compared to the rest, two stories tall and hooked to machines. His eyes are closed and he has a gentle warm giant smile on. beeping lights and technology all around him with cords plugged into him.

The giant begins to speak as his eyes remained closed and he has a smooth and calming voice.

Giant Steroids Man: Welcome my child...

Weed Man: Best .... weed ....ever!

Steve and the rest are very confused by all of this. Max goes around to all the alternate Steroids Men and is in ecstasy as they all pat him and give him love.

Steve: What is all this? Why do you and everyone else look like me?!?!

Giant Steroids Man: You see my son .... we ARE you!

Steve: MAKE SENSE YOU smurf!!!!

Giant Steroids Man: Surely you are familiar with the concept of alternate realities, where each decision made can create a new universe.

Steve: No!

Giant Steroids Man: We are each from a parallel universe. Each one of us are different due to a decision we made or the overall decisions of the generations before them.

Steve and our heroes look around at all the different Steroids Men in the room more closely.

Steve: So ..... these guys are all me .... but under different circumstances?

Technological Steroids Man: That's right. Every time you've decided to left instead of right for example .... may have caused things to unfold in a different way for you. But more importantly, the big decisions are the ones that created drastically different results in these alternate versions of us.

Alternate Steroids Man in a blonde curly wig and large belly: That's right!

Giant Steroids Man: Let me introduce you to your alternates, Steve...

(Introducing the Steroids Men. Each are wearing Steroids Man costumes unless otherwise noted.)

**********

Giant Steroids Man: You would have already met Technological Steroids Man, in his reality they developed technology at a highly advanced rate and....

Steve: Yes, yes, we know. Move on.

**********

Giant Steroids Man: ... this is Anorexic Steroids Man.

(A very skinny version of Steroids Man who is shaking as he's cold.)

Anorexic Steroids Man: ....hello.... sorry I'm so fat!

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Pocket Steroids Man ....

(In Pocket Steroids Man's reality, everyone is very tiny, the size of Lego men. They will never come close to having to worry about over-population or running out of room on their planet which is the same size of Earth.)

Giant Steroids Man: Ummmmmm .... where is he?

Everyone looks around but can't find him.

Giant Steroids Man: Hopefully he turns up .......

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Morbidly Obese Steroids Man....

Show an outrageously fat version of Steroids Man with multiple chins and a costume that's too small for him. He's looking at the bottom of his foot with a very concerned expression on his face.

Morbidly Obese Steroids Man: Oh shazam!......

Morbidly Obese Steroids Man looks up and sees everyone is staring at him and puts his foot down.

Morbidly Obese Steroids Man (fat sounding voice): Oh ..... hello everyone! I didn't step on anything!!!!

Steve: .... so in your reality, everyone is very fat?

Morbidly Obese Steroids Man: No.... I just ate a lot of food.

Steve: ........ oh

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Lactose Intolerant Steroids Man.

(looks mostly like Steroids Man except with a milk carton emblem on his chest and a circle with a line through it.)

Lactose Intolerant Steroids Man: The biggest enemy in my world is .... milk!

Amanda: Lame!

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Racist Steroids Man!

(Looks like Steroids Man but has a white costume and hood.)

Racist Steroids Man: [censored]

Steve: You can't say those things!!!!

Samantha: I don't understand what he's saying....

Amanda: You don't want too!

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Teenage Pregnant Steroids Man...

(looks like a female version of Steroids Man ... has blonde curly hair and a pregnant belly .... wearing lipstick and with glitter on costume)

Teenage Pregnant Steroids Man: STOP STARING AT MY TITS EVERYONE!!!!

Technological Steroids Man: I don't think any of us were.....

Anorexic Steroids Man: I'm too busy staring at Morbidly Obese Steroids Man's tits....

Morbidly Obese Steroids Man: Go smurf your self skinny me! Go eat a smurf sandwich!

Anorexic Steroids Man: Not after seeing you!

**********

Giant Steroids Man: And this is Very smurf Ugly Steroids Man.

(Dirty and ugly beyond description)

Very smurf Ugly Steroids Man: What you all lookin at?

Steve: OWWWW MY EYES!!!! NEXT!!!!

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Comatose Steroids Man.

(Show someone who looks like Steve, but covered up in a hospital bed hooked to an IV unit.

Steve: ...

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Weed Steroids Man......

(This version of Steroids Man is in a green costume and is extra stoned)

Weed Steroids Man: What up guys.... he he he....

Weed Man and Weed Steroids Man pass a bong back and forth.

Weed Man: This guy is the shazam!!

Weed Steroids Man: Where did you get that dope man?!

Weed Man: It's SPACE dope .... Steve got it for me when he wore these rings that made him a GENIE!

Weed Steroids Man: WICKED COOL!!!

**********

Giant Steroids Man: This is Steroids Cow....

Show a cow in the back of the room with a cape on next to cow poop.

Steroids Cow: MOOO

Steve: Ok ... this is getting downright silly now....

Giant Steroids Man: I still haven't introduced you to Half Shark Half Man Steroids Man or Scuba Diving Steroids Man.

Steve: That's ok.

David: Daddy .... all of these guys suck.

Everyone gives David a dirty look.

Steve (whispering): .... quiet son!

Giant Steroids Man: Your son is quite astute ... we do all suck. You, Steve, are the most unique of us all!

Steve: Oh?

Giant Steroids Man: Yes, most of us are exaggerated caricatures .... but you are the only one to find true love and successfully get with Amanda, or have children or save the world as often or actually retire!

Steve: How do you know so much about me?

Giant Steroids Man: I know all....

A few alternate Steroids Men begin sniffing around Amanda and touching her hair and stuff.

Steve: BACK OFF ALL YOU MEs!!! SHE'S MINE! I AM THE CHAMPION STEROIDS MAN!!!

Amanda: I'm still very confused by all of this ... what's REALLY going on??? Why are we all here???

Giant Steroids Man: All of the other Steroids Men in every reality .... except for the ones in this room and one other ... are all dead.

Steve: What?

Giant Steroids Man: There is only one Steroids Man not in this room that still lives .... a very evil Steroids Man who is traveling from reality to reality and hunting us down!

Amanda: This sounds like some serious shazam!, hubby!

Morbidly Obese Steroids Man: Stop rubbing it in that you're married, jabberwocky!

Giant Steroids Man: Everyone calm down and take some steroids!

All the alternate Steroids Men inject steroids into themselves. The Giant Steroids Man has a machine come out from a wall panel and inject him.

Giant Steroids Man: That's better! Anyway ... it all started with me .... I am from reality #1 .... I am a super genius and I developed technology to travel to alternate realities... I wanted to see how others turned out ... turns out nobody reached my level of intelligence ... not even close.

Technological Steroids Man: Bragger. You just wish you were from my reality where we already developed this technology!

Giant Steroids Man: Anyway, I traveled from reality to reality... then I met him. Steroids Man from reality #666!

Amanda: .... well why the hell would you go to THAT reality?

Giant Steroids Man: Curiosity got the best of me, OK? Now let me show you the evil Steroids Man....

A large screen comes on and everyone looks up at a picture of evil Steroids Man ... It looks like Steroids Man but with a skull on his red costume and metal spikes all over. He looks especially evil with red skin and large pointy horns coming out of his head!!

Steve: That's the evil me I saw on that wall on my dimension!!!

Amanda: Right before those floating robot things came after us!

Giant Steroids Man: Yes, that's because he has taken over all the realities! Putting his likeness all over and making people worship him!

Amanda: And the robots?

Giant Steroids Man: Sent out to find and kill all other Steroids Men....

Weed Man: Heavy.

Giant Steroids Man: Back to the start, I met this evil Steroids Man and when I discovered what he was all about ... he tried to kill me. I barely survived and now need these machines to live ...

Samantha: Wow....

Giant Steroids Man: I managed to open a portal and travel back to my reality .... but left my technology behind. He has since traveled to other worlds with it and started his mission to rule all realities and kill all Steroids Men!

Technological Steroids Man: I had already met this giant Steroids Man and he recruited me to help him by seeking out and bringing all surviving Steroids Men here.

Max: Where is here?

Giant Steroids Man: We are on a special space ship I made which is outside time and space ... a safety zone.

Technological Steroids Man: Anyway, I went to your reality, Steve, to find you ... but you weren't there.

Steve: Yeah ... we were on Cokima...

Technological Steroids Man: Where ever that is .... but I detected you were alive ... but not on Earth ... so I decided to try different years of your reality until I found you and saved you and brought you here.

Steve: How DID you find me?

Giant Steroids Man: I made him a Steroids Man detector.

Amanda: What? How does that work?

Giant Steroids Man: .... it's too hard to explain.

Technological Steroids Man: It's good that you weren't on Earth or you would have been killed when the invasion started!

Giant Steroids Man: Anyway Steve, you're also unique in that you're much older than the rest of us.

Weed Man: Wait dudes ... you guys can travel through time right?

Giant Steroids Man: Right.

Weed Man: So even if Steve was on Earth ... you could travel to before he was killed and save him! There should be more steroids guys here! You could have saved em all man!

Giant Steroids Man: No... it's not that simple. Once Evil Steroids Man kills them they are erased from time and can not be retrieved.... If Steve was on Earth at the time of the invasion, he would be forever dead as the rest of them.

Amanda: Can't we go back in time and kill him as a kid?

Samantha: Or stop the giant guy from giving him the technology to do all this?

Giant Steroids Man: No, somehow his demon heart prevents time alterations from effecting him!

Steve: Ok, so I got the whole story now. We're all me from other realities ... one of us is evil and trying to kill us all ... we can't fix things with time travel ... now what?

Giant Steroids Man: There's only one way to fix all the damage and restore our realities ... we need to all attack him together and defeat him! Only our army of Steroids Men can beat the ultimate evil Steroids Man!

Very smurf Ugly Steroids Man: Yeah, let's kick his bottom!

Teenage Pregnant Steroids Man: Guys I'm not suppose to be fighting... I'm too pregnant and I'll break my nails!!!

Racist Steroids Man: [Censored]

Steroids Cow: MOOOOOO

Giant Steroids Man: Guys, I know. But we must all fight him together to win. Except me ... I'm clearly too handicapped....

Steve: Wait.... all we have to do is kick this guys bottom and win? That's easy ... it's like 20 against 1....

Giant Steroids Man: Oh one thing I forgot which is probably important ... in his reality he has killed The Manager and stole his powers ..... he has also killed all the other Managers and stolen their powers too ... so he has major demon powers ... times a billion.

Steve: OH COME ON!!!! Why wouldn't you mention that like right off the hop you smurf!?!?

Giant Steroids Man: Sorry man.... I goofed.

Everyone has blank expressions on their faces.

Giant Steroids Man: Anyway, Steve, you have the most life experience. Will you lead all these alternates into battle?

Weed Man: Hold up .... this feels way too similar to a Spider Man comic I read.....

Giant Steroids Man: No it doesn't ... this is a very unique situation.

Samantha: I have a question!

Giant Steroids Man: Yes.

Samantha: How is killing this guy going to undo all the damage that's been done??

Steve: She's right!

Giant Steroids Man: Good question. Give Steve the weapon....

Technological Steroids Man hands Steve a mysterious glowing zig zaggy knife.

Giant Steroids Man: You will need to stab him in the heart with this.

Steve: ....

Giant Steroids Man: It's a time traveling knife .... when you stab him with it his death will travel backwards through time and everything he has ever done will be reversed. Even the Steroids Men erased from time will return!

Steve: THAT MAKES NO smurf SENSE AND YOU KNOW IT!!!! NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!!!

Amanda: Yeah, and if it we undid everything he ever did ... we would have never met up to stop him in the first place.

Giant Steroids Man: No.... our realities will be restored and we can all go home and everything will be fine.

Amanda: Again, can't we stab him when he's a kid or something?

Giant Steroids Man: No, cause the time traveling knife only travels in time backwards and won't properly undo his damage!

Amanda: But he would never have been able to do it in the first place!

Giant Steroids Man: Listen, I know my shazam! ok? We have to stab him NOW in this time with the time traveling knife! It's the ONLY way to properly fix things. If this fails we're all doomed!

Steve: Are you sure about this shazam!???

Giant Steroids Man: YES! I'm a mega genius scientist! See the equations I did on that wall over there???

Steve looks at his family.

Steve: Well ... I guess I gotta go save .... all of time space and reality....

Amanda: Just come home, ok?

Steve: Have you seen my winning streak?

Amanda: True.

Steve and Amanda kiss passionately while all the other single Steroids Men touch themselves.

Technological Steroids Man: Ok ... let's do this.

Technological Steroids Man opens a large portal and everyone prepares to walk in it.

Weed Man: I'm comin to help too bro!

Giant Steroids Man: You can't ....

Weed Man: Why not giant dude?

Giant Steroids Man: The portal is designed as such that only Steroids Man DNA will travel through it....

Amanda: Ok ... that last one REALLY didn't make sense! How the hell does that work?

Giant Steroids Man: Cause of science.

Amanda: What?!?!?

Steve: smurf it ... let's just get this over with.

Steve remembers his leadership role here and that he has been placed in command of the Steroids Men.

Steve: Come on guys! Let's do this shazam! and kick some bottom!!!

Steroids Men together: YEAHHH!!!!!

All the Steroids Men march into the portal behind Steve and it closes leaving Amanda, David, Samantha, Max and Weed Man alone in a very large room with Giant Steroids Man.

... awkward silence.

Giant Steroids Man: So.... ummmm.... you guys wanna talk about ... stuff?

Amanda: Oh.....