Chapter 156 --> Captain Chaos

[Clarence]

Some time just before the first episode of Steroids Man...

Cut to a large evil looking island and in the middle island a spooky castle with a sign that says "League of Evil".

Inside the castle there's a large meeting room, with chairs and evil villains all around it. The following villains are sitting around the meeting table from left to right - Wheels, Pylon Man, Earthquake, The Mastodon, Magnet Hands and Captain Chaos.

(Captain Chaos is a strange man in a pirate costume, but you should remember the rest of these evil guys)

Also in this room is a smokey wall with stairs leading to it, this is where The Master and head of the League of Evil sits hidden out of view.

The Master: Ok everyone, what evil plans have we got cooking today?

Earthquake: I'm going to steal all the pizza in town!

The Master: Interesting ... I guess that would upset a lot of people.

Earthquake: Dunno ... I'm just really hungry.

Magnet Hands: You're the worst super villain ever.

Wheels: Who are you kidding? You're just a guy with magnets for hands!

Magnet Hands: Well ... at least my legs work!

Everyone else around the table: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Magnet Hands: He started it!

The Master: Guys ... can we have ONE meeting where we don't just break down into random and silly arguments?

Captain Chaos: We should have a meeting where we all play MONOPOLY! That's the best smurf game ever!

The Master: This group is just to connect super villains together and be evil ... not have game night!

Captain Chaos (stands up): What's more evil than monopoly? The winner owns EVERYTHING while the losers are all poor and smurf homeless!

Pylon Man: Wow ... he's right ... what a horrible game.

Captain Chaos: You know what else is evil? POG!

The Master: .... are you smurf serious? Are we really all having this conversation during our evil meeting time....

Captain Chaos: What's more evil then a game where winning means stealing other people's POGs?

All the other League of Evil members mumble to each other around the table.

Captain Chaos: But then again, POG is an AWESOME game when you're a pirate! Check out this sweet smurf loot I got from the local elementary schools!

Captain Chaos picks up a bag full of POGs and rips it open and POGS fly all over and rain down on everyone. The room is LITERALLY covered in POGs.

Wheels: You ... stole all these things from kids?

Captain Chaos: HELLS YES!!! I'm AWESOME!

Magnet Hands: Ummmm ... is stealing POGs from kids ... evil?

Wheels (raising eyebrow): It's certainly .... something....

Pylon Man: There's POGs all over the evil meeting room now!

Earthquake: Damn it, some went down my shirt and are stuck in my fat rolls!

Magnet Hands: Oh crap ... some of these are metal and are stuck to me ... wait these aren't POGs!

Captain Chaos (dancing around): Yeah! I also stole a bunch of nails today! EXCELLENT HAUL!!!

The Mastodon roars as he removes nails from his fur.

Pylon Man: Why the hell would someone throw nails and POG into a nicly clean meeting room?

Wheels: Is this any worse than what he did last week ... or the week before that?

The Master (hidden by smoke): Damn it! They're even in here! Oh wait .... (smoke turns red) ... MY BROCCOLI SOUP IS RUINED!!!

Captain Chaos: Is it? ... or did I make it BETTER?

The Master: Come here.

Captain Chaos: K.

Captain Chaos walks up to the smoke screen as everyone else watches.

Captain Chaos: Hey, what's this smoke made out of anyway?

An arm comes out of the smoke holding a gun and shoots Captain Chaos point blank right between the eyes! Captain Chaos falls down and lands on POGs and nails and blood flows all over.

There's a pause and then all the remaining league members applaud.

Wheels: That is the best thing that has ever happened!

The Master: Indeed! He's been a pain in my bottom FOREVER! Hopefully that will be an end to the silly meetings and we can get down to business!

Wheels: Hey, I'm the oldest member now!

The Master: Other than me of course.

(presently Dr. Bad is still in retirement)

The Master: Anyway, let's get this body out of here.

Two henchmen from the henchman's union come and remove the body from the room and dump him in the water around the small island.

~The following League of Evil meeting.

The Master: Well everyone, as you know there is an open spot now.

Magnet Hands: Ohhh... this is exciting!

The Master: Meet our newest League of Evil member .... (a door opens to reveal...) ... Metal Face!

Metal Face: Hello everyone!

The Master: You may remember his Dad Wooden Face used to be in this league a while ago ... but he branched off to start his own thing.

Metal Face sits next to Wheels.

Metal Face: I'm pretty excited about this! I may be new at this whole super villain thing, but I just got a lot of inheritance from my dead Grandfather and got my own castle and everything!

Wheels: ... I hate this guy already.

Metal Face: Now... since I'm new at this ... I think I'll try to find a new super hero to kill to warm up!

(and of course he goes after Steroids Man and never gets past the warm up stage and the League of Evil continues on without Captain Chaos and etc, etc, etc)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flash far forward --

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amanda is covered in sweat and random food and is breathing heavy. She just won the fight she had at the grocery store against 4 random men in business suits while Steve waits in the car.

Amanda: I still... still got it!

Suddenly another man in a suit walks on the screen but we can't get a look at his face.

5th Man: Seriously? 4 of my best men couldn't handle the simple task of acquiring you?

Amanda: What do YOU want with me?

We now look at the 5th Man ... it's Ted! Ted is the head of the FBI or something and has been involved in Steve and Amanda's life before... probably most notably the time he saved them when her ex-boyfriend Ian was about to screw them over at the end of season 5.

Ted: We need you for a very important mission.

Amanda: ... why didn't you just ask me instead of send your secret service people after me???

Ted: It's too important for you to just say no.

Amanda: Well I need to say no, get someone else!

Ted: There's nobody else. This specific mission can only succeed with YOUR help.

Amanda: There's no reason you would need ME specifically...

Ted: It's about Captain Chaos.

Amanda suddenly looks very shocked and surprised.

Amanda: Captain Chaos??? That guy's been dead for a WHILE. You must have the WORST sources!

Ted: No, he's alive ... very much so.

Amanda: That's impossible!

Ted: Believe it.

Amanda seems very thrown off by this news.

Amanda: Listen, I need to walk away from this. I got a family now ok, I can't go on any strange missions involving people that are suppose to be dead!

Ted: Sorry. One way or another, we're going to need your help. The world depends on it!

Amanda: Shove the world up your bottom!

Suddenly Ted aims his arm at Amanda and some kind of green gas comes out of his sleeve. Amanda breaths it in and collapses.

One of the 4 secret service men that Amanda beat up stands.

Business Suit Guy #4: Hey! How come we never got any of that cool knock out gas sleeve thing???? That jabberwocky just kicked all of our asses when we could have knocked her out without any grief!

Ted: Sorry ... those are very expensive and we can't afford to equip everyone so .... hey, what am I even trying to explain this to you for? You're not even full time! Just help me get her into the van!

They load an unconscious Amanda into a black van and then disappear into the night...

~~~

Show Amanda sound asleep and peaceful and covered up. She looks so tranquil-

SUDDENLY TED GETS RIGHT INTO HER FACE AND SCREAMS FOR ALL HE'S WORTH!!!

Amanda jumps up and screams too and sweats and breaths heavy.

Amanda: WHAT THE smurf WAS THAT!

Ted: I needed to wake you.

Amanda: THAT'S NOT HOW YOU WAKE PEOPLE!!!!

Ted: I don't have time to wait for you to wake up properly.

Amanda looks around and sees that she's in a small room that feels like it's moving.

Amanda: Where am I?

Ted: You're in our van and we're heading to one of our secret bases.

Amanda: No we're not! You're talking me home!

Ted: Stop being so selfish! If I just simply take you home then everyone will soon be dead, including a certain former steroids using man!

Amanda: Why? Just hurry up and tell me what exactly is up!!

Ted: Captain Chaos has the means to bring the world to a nuclear end ... and you are the only one who could potentially get close enough to stop him.

Amanda looks distant and shocked.

Ted: We know all about your past as an evil hench woman and your relationship with Captain Chaos....

Amanda thinks back as these old memories come back...

~flashback to well before the first episode of Steroids Man~~~

Show a much younger and darker looking Amanda. At this time in her life she was very troubled and lost. She's wearing all black and her hair is crazy.

Amanda: I want to become a henchman!

Show the henchmens union and the leader at his desk. The Black Phoenix is sitting down in his scary black phoenix costume looking up at Amanda, he's the leader of the union. There's also henchmen around wearing all black and black masks.

Everyone begins laughing at Amanda's request!

Amanda: What's so funny?

Black Phoenix: ... you're a woman.

Amanda: No shazam!! Now hire me!

Black Phoenix: This is the hench MEN's union, not hench woman's union ... I think there's a baking club down the street you can joi....

Amanda grabs his desk and pulls it aside and it slides across the room and she grabs his crotch and SQUEEZES.

Amanda: There's about to be one less man in this hench MAN's union of yours!

Black Phoenix: Ok, you can take the test!!!!

Amanda walks away as the Black Phoenix doubles over in pain.

Random Henchman: Are you ok, boss?

Black Phoenix: ... we need an HR department!

~

Later show the Black Phoenix in a room with a henchman holding a clipboard. They are looking at Amanda who's in the next room behind glass.

Black Phoenix: Ok, are you ready for the test?

Amanda: Damn right!

Black Phoenix: Begin, maximum difficulty!!

Doors open in the room that Amanda's in and am army of henchman swarm her with weapons.

Henchman With Clipboard: Damn, that's excessive!

As the henchmen approach Amanda she does amazing kick moves and knocks a bunch out and then steals weapons in expert fashion and defeats them all!

Black Phoenix: What the ....

Amanda throws a chair through the glass window and jumps through and beats the clipboard holding henchmen with his own clipboard and then gets The Black Phoenix in a headlock with a knife at his throat.

Amanda: Hire me!!!

Black Phoenix: *cough* ... ok!

Amanda: Full time and full benefits and with extra vacation time!

Black Phoenix: Anything!!

~

The Black Phoenix is working at his desk with his henchmen all around patiently waiting for assignment. Suddenly the large screen TV comes on to reveal Captain Chaos in his pirate costume and drunk as usual.

Captain Chaos: CROW MAN!!!

Black Phoenix: *sigh* ... how many times do I have to tell you my name?

Captain Chaos: I don't need your name, I just need to rent out your men for my newest evil scheme!

The Black Phoenix puts on his glasses and pulls up a book with schedules on it.

Black Phoenix: Ok, let's see. Oh, we have rent 5 henchmen and receive one free today, cause it's Tuesday and....

Captain Chaos (from monitor): What!! That henchman ....

Captain Chaos looks over Amanda who's in full black henchman uniform and mask.

Captain Chaos: That henchman .... has the most beautiful shapely body I've ever seen! I must have her.

Black Phoenix: Ummmm... ok, yes that's our first ever female henchman.

Captain Chaos: I want her!!

Black Phoenix: Hmmm.... she's 5 times the price to rent than the others.

Captain Chaos: I don't care just send her over here!!

~

Show a large pirate ship docked by a wharf - zoom in to see the henchmen standing side by side as Captain Chaos walks back and forth addressing them.

Captain Chaos: Are you ready for your assignment?

Henchman #4: Yes sir!

Captain Chaos: Everyone grab a pillow sack!

The henchmen all grab a pillow sack and seem confused.

Captain Chaos: Now --- everyone! Pillage and plunder the town!

Henchman #2: So ... we're going to rob people and put their money in these pillow cases??

Captain Chaos: Not money you fool! People's GLASSES!!!

Henchman #2: Wha....

Captain Chaos: Today's precious bounty is people's glasses! Bring me as many as you can! STEAL THEM RIGHT OFF THEIR FACES!! Let the people roam the streets sightless and confused! LET THEM ALL FEEL THE WRATH OF CAPTAIN CHAOS!!!

Henchman #1: Are you smurf serious?

Captain Chaos: NEVER CHALLENGE CAPTAIN CHAOS TO A SWORD FIGHT!!

Henchman #1: I didn't...

Captain Chaos draws a long and pointy old fashioned pirate sword that's kind of like a fencing sword and stabs Henchman #1 through the heart!

The henchmen look down in shock.

Henchman #4: You can't do that!

Captain Chaos: One of you guys were free so yes I can! NOW GET THE GLASSES!

The henchmen begin to leave.

Captain Chaos: Not you!

Captain Chaos stops the female henchman.

Captain Chaos: You stay with me.

Amanda: Ok...

Captain Chaos: I never seen a female henchman before.

Amanda: This is my first assignment.

Captain Chaos: You're a sexy jabberwocky!

Amanda: Thanks! You're not so bad yourself. I love your ship!

Captain Chaos: Have you ever had crack before?

Amanda: No...

Captain Chaos: Well today's your lucky day! We're going to do lots of crack and have nasty tickle fight all over this ship! We might even sink this smurf!

Amanda: Ummmm....

Captain Chaos: You already said yes!!!

Captain Chaos removes his pirate hat and swings it at Amanda and she she gets covered in cocaine and breaths it in!

Amanda: OH my!

Captain Chaos then jumps her and makes out with her violently.

~

As days go by, Captain Chaos keeps renting out Amanda specifically. At the Henchmen's Union Hall...

Captain Chaos (on screen): I need Amanda again!

Amanda: Any time baby!

Black Phoenix: She's now 20 times the price!

Captain Chaos: You know I'm rich jabberwocky, send her over!

The screen turns off as the Black Phoenix counts wads of money.

Black Phoenix: You have turned out to be my hottest ticket item ever!

Amanda: And you didn't want to hire me!

~

As months go by Captain Chaos keeps renting Amanda at higher and higher prices. They build quite an insane relationship of random tickle fight and drugs and insanity until Captain Chaos stopped calling for a while.

Amanda is drinking in the office next to the Black Phoenix.

Black Phoenix: Ummm... are you ok?

Amanda: Why hasn't Captain Chaos rented any henchmen lately?

Black Phoenix: Oh ...that's awkward .... ummmm..

Amanda: What?

Black Phoenix: The League of Evil has reported him dead ... shot in the head....

Amanda: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

~

Amanda is devastated but stays on with the union for a bit and does some more henchman jobs such as working with Metal Face before finally quitting to turn her life around. She actually faked her own death and got clean and became a police officer thanks to her friend Bill at the time.

~~~ back to present with Amanda riding in the van ~~~~

Amanda comes out of her lengthy flashback to see Ted is sleeping. She sneaks up on him and screams in his face!

Ted: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE smurf!!!! YOU CAN'T DO THESE THINGS!!!

Amanda: You did that exact same thing to be!!! Why the hell did you fall asleep on me?

Ted: Cause you were having the longest flashback ever!

Amanda: Just tell me what I got to do so I can get it over with.

Let's get you to the base and get you ready!

~~~

Show Amanda in a room with a team of people putting makeup on her.

Amanda: Why are these people putting so much crap on me??

Ted: Because you look 20 years older and we want Captain Chaos to remember you when you were youthful.

Amanda: That's because I AM 20 years older!

Ted: Just listen to the plan while these makeup experts pretty you up.

Amanda: Fine.

Ted: Your former lover, Captain Chaos, has stolen a small remote control with a button on it ... this button, if pressed, will cause all the nuclear bombs we have to fire all over the planet ... destroying us all!

Amanda: Why the hell does such a remote control exist?!?!

Ted: We had to do a few cutbacks this year at the FBI and decided to streamline things and well... we made a one button remote control to launch all the nukes if there was ever an emergency.

Amanda: ...

Ted: Anyway, the important thing is that Captain Chaos has it now.

Amanda: Can't you deactivate it or something!

Ted: Yes ...but only if we can get to it and take the batteries out.

Amanda: .... Why am I involved in this again? Just send a bunch of men after him to take it!

Ted: Not that simple, it's small and hard to find and if he presses it ... we're all done.

Amanda: *sigh*

Ted: You're the only one who can get close enough to him to get it.

Amanda: If I do this you'll take me right home?

Ted: Of course.

Amanda: Can I call my husband and let him know what's up?

Ted: Do you want him to know about your shady past with this Captain Chaos guy?

Amanda thinks and realizes she never shared any of this with Steve.

Amanda: Fine, but let's get this done quickly.

Ted: That's up to you. Gain his trust again, get that remote at all costs, and I mean at ALL COSTS. The world's end will be determined by if you can pull this off or not....

Amanda looks VERY concerned about this special job she has to do.....

~~~ a few days later the plan is set in motion! ~~~~

Show a large and formidable pirate ship in the middle of the ocean ... coming up to it is a speed boat.

Captain Chaos watches as one of his pirate henchman look on with a large telescope thing.

Pirate Henchman #14: It's a speedboat, and it's headed straight for us!

Captain Chaos: How dare that speed boat come near me! BLOW IT OUT OF THE WATER!!!

Suddenly a bunch of cannons on the ship aim at this approaching speed boat.

Pirate Henchman #14: It's just a girl... and a pretty girl at that!

Captain Chaos: Let me see that!

Captain Looks through the telescope to see Amanda operating the speedboat. With her makeup she's even more beautiful looking than he remembers.

Captain Chaos: It can't be!

The speed boat comes up to the pirate ship and stops. This was all planned out by Amanda and Ted.

Amanda (yelling up): I'm almost out of gas, can I borrow some?

Captain Chaos (yelling down): .... Amanda?

Amanda (pretending to be shocked): ... Captain Chaos?

Captain Chaos grabs his henchman by the shoulders and lifts him up in excitement.

Captain Chaos: Oh glorious day! It IS her!!!

Captain Chaos yells down.

Captain Chaos: I'll save you my pretty!!!

Amanda: ...

Captain Chaos rigs a lasso and throws it down, catching Amanda!

Amanda: Hey!

Amanda is snagged tight in this rope and Captain Chaos crudely yanks her up and she hits the side of the ship a few times. Amanda is now on the ship and cleans herself off.

Captain Chaos: I thought you were dead!

Amanda: I thought YOU were dead!

Captain Chaos: Holy Hannah Montana! I heard you died while on a henchman job!

Amanda: I sort of faked my death....

Captain Chaos: Why?

Amanda (quick lie): Well.... I put a lot of life insurance on myself and collected.

(The real reason of course was to get out of this crime filled life and become a cop, etc)

Captain Chaos: Genius! That's my girl!

Amanda: But you ... I heard you were shot in the head! I've henched with the other League of Evil members who told me they saw it!! They threw your body into the ocean!!

Captain Chaos: Yes! I drifted for quite a ways! Some sharks tried to eat me! Then I woke up in Japan and swam back! Took a loooong time.

Amanda: Ummm.... what?

Captain Chaos: I can't die.

Amanda: What do you mean you can't die???

Captain Chaos: Here's a story.

~~flashback ~~

Show Captain Chaos and a bunch of pirate men in some strange cave... circa early 1700s...

Captain Chaos: I found it! I FINALLY found it!

Captain Chaos opens up a strange treasure chest while all his pirate men watch....

Captain Chaos looks in with a strange blue light glowing in his face.

Captain Chaos: It's ... beautiful!

Captain Chaos takes out this huge ancient chalice filled with special water.

Pirate #4: That's it! The fabled drink of immortality!

Pirate #2: The legend says only a sip is needed to achieve agelessness!

Pirate #5: Come on Captain, pass it around!

Captain Chaos: Patience my mates, you all know that captain gets first sip!

Captain Chaos immediately downs the whole thing for himself. Everyone looks shocked and pissed.

Captain Chaos: Yum yum!!

Captain Chaos holds the chalice over his head as each and every last drop falls into his mouth. The tension in here is EXTREME. Captain Chaos then proceeds to lick the chalice all over ensuring he got every speck possible.

Captain Chaos: That was some tasty shazam!! Thanks for helping me find that over the last 12 years guys!

The pirates are all filled with rage and proceed to beat the shazam! out of Captain Chaos!

~~back to present~~

Captain Chaos: And that was my first death. And oh boy, WHAT a death it was! They killed the shazam! out of me!

Amanda: That's so unbelievable!!! I don't remember you ever mentioning this!

Captain Chaos: You never asked about it!

Amanda's really thinking about what an annoying balloon knot this man is and is astonished she ever loved him...

Captain Chaos: Some people think that living over 300 years has made me crazy but I don't see it!

Amanda (lying her face off): No .... me either....

Captain Chaos: So what brings you out in the middle of the ocean like this?

Amanda: Just cruising around and having some fun! You?

Captain Chaos: I'm back to my old school pirating ways! There's no rules out here in the middle of the ocean! I just robbed a ship filled with supplies intended for Jamba Juice!

Amanda: Awesome!!

Captain Chaos: We need to catch up. Let's do some crack!

Amanda: Ummm... no thanks.

Captain Chaos: Why not? You LOVE crack! Something is up here!

Amanda realizes she has to gain Captain Chaos' trust again or the jig is up!

Amanda: I'm just... I've already had so much crack today, I'm full!

Captain Chaos: Ah yes, you mortals do have your limits with crack don't you? I can do all drugs any time all the time and am still in PREFECT health. Watch these back flips!

Captain Chaos does a bunch of perfect back flips and then lands beautifully on his feet. His pirate hat never falls off!

Captain Chaos: That's what I'm TALKIN about!

Amanda (lying through her teeth): You're even more impressive than I remember!

Captain Chaos comes up to Amanda and feels her hair.

Captain Chaos: What say you that we take this to the bedroom and ..... *pause*

Amanda: Hmmm?

Captain Chaos: Be right back stay right there!

Captain Chaos runs to his bedroom down below to see there's already a sexy girl pirate waiting here for him in skimpies.

Female Pirate: Hey there my sexy pirate man! Ready to go again?

Captain Chaos (whispers): Actually I need to show you something, but be VERY quiet or you'll miss it!

Female Pirate (whispers back): Ok...

Captain Chaos sneaks this pirate woman to the opposite side of the ship unbeknownst to Amanda.

Female Pirate (still whispering): What am I looking for???

Captain Chaos snaps her neck and pushes her into the ocean and she quietly dies... Captain Chaos runs back to Amanda.

Captain Chaos: Ok, let's go!

Amanda: ...alright.

Captain Chaos: Oh wait! Still one more thing!

Captain Chaos takes out "The Club", a red device used to lock steering wheels and places it on the ship's wheel.

Amanda: ???

Captain Chaos: Trust me, if you been through as many mutinies as I have you would make sure nobody else could use the wheel too! Now let's go!

Captain Chaos and Amanda make their way to the captain's bedroom!

Amanda is sitting on the bed trying to get information from the evil captain.

Amanda: So .... I want to catch up some more. Have you been involved in any kind of crazy global domination schemes or anything cool lately?

Captain Chaos: You never used to talk this much!

Amanda: It's just been so long .... we have much to discuss!

Captain Chaos: The only thing I want to discuss is my Penis going in your (let's censor the rest of this very lengthy and vulgar sentence out)

Amanda: How about we have tickle fight later and....

Captain Chaos: LATER!!?!?? Now I KNOW something is up!

Captain Chaos takes out his sword and holds it close to her throat.

Captain Chaos: What kind of trickery is this!

Amanda thinks for a moment ... flashing back to what Ted said ... "get that remote at all costs, and I mean at ALL COSTS. The world's end will be determined by if you can pull this off or not...."

Amanda cries as she knows she must have tickle fight with this horrible man to work on getting the remote and saving the world, her husband and kids!

Amanda: Ok ... *sob* ... let's just have tickle fight already!

Captain Chaos: Why are you CRYING?!

Amanda: Cause I'm still high on CRACK, ok?

Captain Chaos tears off his pirate costume and has a sinister smile on his face! He keeps the pirate hat on though....

Amanda: Ok, come get it.

Captain Chaos: What? You want to have tickle fight in a bed? Like common street people??

Amanda: Ummmmmm...

Captain chaos: I like my tickle fight like I like my drug trips, wild and CRAZY!

Amanda: Oh no....

(play Rihanna - S&M)

Amanda and Captain chaos engage in the most insane tickle fight you could ever imagine! The whole ship shakes and vibrates and near by sharks run away! They DEMOLISH that bedroom! The tickle fight was so violent that all of Amanda's makeup washed off.

Amanda and Captain Chaos are laying in bed with a sheet covering them while smoking. Captain Chaos's hat never fell off...

Captain Chaos: Damn woman, what happened to your face!

Amanda looks across the room to a mirror to see her age reducing makeup is gone!

Amanda: Ummm ... I guess you smurf me so hard that it added 20 years to my life!

Captain Chaos: Is that possible???

Suddenly there's a flash on them as if a picture was taken.

Amanda: What the hell????

Show Ted across the room with a camera around his neck and doing a slow clap.

Captain Chaos: Who the hell is this guy!?

Captain Chaos gets up and throws on his red pirate long coat/robe thing and grabs his sword.

Captain Chaos: Men, get down here!

Ted: My men already took care of your men.

Captain Chaos: Well I'm gonna take care of you!

Ted takes his gun and unloads all his bullets on Captain Chaos! Captain Chaos gets shot in the skull and face a lot of times and one bullet even catches his jugular vein and blood explodes out of his neck! Captain Chaos collapses on the floor dead. Yes ... his captain hat is still on...

Amanda (crying and screaming): WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?

An FBI agent comes in the room and Ted hands him the camera.

Ted: Quickly, you know what you must do!

The FBI agent leaves and Ted and Amanda are alone in the room again.

Amanda: Why did you take a picture of this???

Ted: To send to your husband of course.

Amanda: WHAT??!?!

Ted: First I had him think you were dead. I faked a scene where you died at a gas station. Once he recovers from that ... he's going to find out that you're alive after all .... but you cheated on him! It's going to destroy him so bad!

Amanda: What?!?!?! But .... the remote control?

Ted: You dumb jabberwocky! Of course there's no one button remote that will blow up the world. How stupid are you?!

Amanda is red faced with rage!

Amanda: TELL ME WHY YOU DID THIS ELABORATE PLAN TO WRECK OUR LIVES?!?!?!?!

Ted: Of course.

~~~ flash back to episode 125 and Steve's retirement party right after Weed Man is announced as the new hero ~~~

Ted comes out of nowhere and surprises Steve.

Ted: I don't know how I feel about this hero who promotes marijuana use to replace you.

Steve jumps and feels his heart as Ted the government guy is right behind him.

Steve: Oh will you just smurf right off!

Ted drops his jaw in shock.

~~~ back to present.

Amanda: YOU DID ALL THIS TO ME AND MY FAMILY BECAUSE STEVE TOLD YOU TO smurf OFF?!?!?!

Ted: That's right. NOBODY tells me to smurf off .... NOBODY.

Amanda: You're psychotic!!!

Ted: I'm just looking out for my feelings!

Ted takes his gun and aims it at Amanda.

Ted: Now for the final part of my plan ... to actually kill you! Steve will spend the rest of his life searching for his cheating wife but will never find her!

Amanda: Hey dumb-bottom, I know you just used all your bullets shooting Captain Chaos!

Ted: Oh yeah...

Ted quickly tries to reload his gun but Amanda jumps out of the bed bearing all and takes the sword out of Captain Chaos' dead body and stabs Ted in the heart!!

Ted collapses and Amanda falls to her knees and cries.

Amanda: I cheated on Steve! What am I going to do???

~

An FBI helicopter hovers over the ship, inside the helicopter some men are looking over a monitor.

FBI Agent #3: Ted's life monitor just went out ....

FBI Agemt #2: Well, we still must follow the plan ... we must burn the ship and keep this mission a secret forever.

FBI Agent #1: Also deliver this picture and note....

FBI Agent #2: Does anyone else feel like this wasn't an official FBI mission???

FBI Agent #1: Let's just finish this job and move on.

A few items drop from the plane and the pirate ship quickly catches on fire as the helicopter flies off....

Amanda is still sitting in the bedroom and crying and she notices the smoke.

Amanda: Oh crap!

Amanda finds her clothes and runs and jumps off the burning ship. She swims to her speed boat and takes off.

Amanda: I got to get home before it's too late!!

Amanda suddenly runs out of gas....

Amanda: smurf!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

~~~ much later ~~~

Amanda makes it home weeks later after being saved by a cruise ship ...

(If you're wondering why she never called or anything it's because after spending years on Cokima ... she forgot phone numbers and e-mails/ etc)

Amanda runs and finally makes it to the mansion, it's pouring rain.

Amanda: I finally made it home!

Amanda looks up to the bedroom window of the mansion and sees a naked woman putting on a night dress.

Amanda: What the....

~

Crochet Lady lays next to Steve in bed and they cuddle. Crochet Lady is wearing Amanda's night dress...

Steve: Why do I feel so wrong about this?

Crochet Lady: Don't worry about it baby, things are going to get better!

Suddenly the bedroom door gets kicked in to reveal.... Amanda soaking wet and looking VERY pissed off!

Steve: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!



.... to be continued



But one last thing...

Show a fishing boat and a net pulls in a lot of fish ... and one body.

The fishermen are very concerned and gather around the body. It's the body of Captain Chaos, still with his burnt pirate costume and hat on ....

Fisherman #2: We've never caught anything like this before ... what do we do?

Fisherman #1: I don't know!

Fisherman #2 (leaning closer): Do you think it's a real pirate?

As the fisherman leans in, Captain Chaos opens one eye! The fisherman gasps and gets stabbed right in the middle of the throat with a long and pointy pirate sword! The other fisher men scream!

Captain Chaos: CAPTAIN CHAOS LIVES AGAIN!!!