Chapter 159 --> Revenge of the Magnet Hands

[Clarence]

Cut to the police station. It looks like a busy day as usual with lots of noise and cops running around and phones ringing and etc ... then suddenly something nobody could have imagined happens!

All the officers fall to the floor and are having a hard time getting up! Things are falling down all around them!

Police Chief Milton: What's HAPPENING!?!

After some confusion they figure it out!

Officer Karen: Our belt buckles and other metal things ... they're stuck to the floor!

Everyone looks around as metal things fall all over and stick to the floor. It's like all the metal suddenly became super heavy or something.

Police Chief Milton: Everyone take off your belts and rid yourself of all metal!

The officers manage to get their belts off and stand up while holding their pants. Their belts, guns, badges and all other metal are stuck to the floor and they are unable to pick them up.

Police Chief Milton: What IS this!??!

Officer Sanford: Everything metal seems to be stuck to the ground! We can't pick up anything!

Officer Ethan: This means we can't use our guns or batons or other weapons!

Officer Carry: We're getting calls of this happening all over the city!

Police Chief Milton: Everyone drive around and try to find the source of this!

Officer Sanford (trying to pick up keys): We can't! We can't pick up the keys!

Officer Pam: I hate to say this ... but if all the metal is being forced to the ground .. this makes us useless!

Officer Joey: I didn't realize how much we relied on metal! Oh no.....

Joey screams as this strange force rips his metal fillings off his teeth and they get stuck to the floor!

Police Chief Milton: Damn it! Hot wire the cars if we have to! We need answers!!

~

Show Police Chief Milton starting his hot wired car with officer Sanford in the front passenger seat.

Police Chief Milton: Here we go!

Police Chief Milton tries to drive but the car isn't moving....

Police Chief Milton: Damn it!

Police Chief Milton pushes HARD on the gas and we can hear the car rev up but it only moves slowly .... then they blow all their tires and the car comes to a stop again with the engine smoking. Everyone gets out of the car!

Police Chief Milton: What could cause something like this!!??

Suddenly Police Chief Milton's pants fall off as he forgets to hold them up since he lost his belt.

Police Chief Milton: Damn it! We're useless now and look like balloon knot!

Officer Sanford: I know you don't like to hear this chief ... but we may need a super hero for this job ... like Weed Man or Glitter Girl....

Police Chief Milton looks very upset about this notion. He firmly believed that he could be the one police chief who could protect this messed up city without super hero help.... until now.

~~~

Weed Man is in his weed garage having some serious troubles.....

Weed Man: Come on!

Weed Man is trying desperately to get off the floor... but his metal, robotic hand is being forced down and is stuck to the floor.

Weed Man: ... I guess I have no choice...

Weed Man disconnects himself from his robot hand and stands up.

Weed Man: How am I gonna roll joints now?

Suddenly Glitter Girl crawls in the window in full costume.

Weed Man: Hey there.

Glitter Girl: Did you see the news??

Glitter Girl turns on Weed Man's TV... there's static and the colours are crazy but it can still be watched.

Reporter: Again, some mysterious force is drawing all metal closer to the earth! Anything containing metal, such as cars are now useless! Communications are getting disrupted all over the city!

Glitter Girl: Remember when you said we should wait until the city needs us again? Well this must be that time!

Weed Man: Hmmmm.... let me have a joint to remember.

Weed Man goes to pick up a lighter, but the metal part is stuck to the table and the lighter breaks apart and lighter fluid gets all over.

Weed Man: Oh no.... I need weed!

Glitter Girl: You can't take one day off from smoking that stuff?

weed Man: No! I'm WEED man... with out weed then I'm just some ... man...

Glitter Girl: Oh boy...

Weed Man: I have matches somewhere. You'll just have to help me light stuff since I only gots one hand now.

Glitter Girl: That's right! You can't use your metal hand because of this ... and I can't use my floating skateboard thing...

Weed Man: And my powers are still gone I think.

Glitter Girl: What are we going to do?

Weed Man: Let's just walk around the city until we find something.

Glitter Girl: ... that doesn't sound like much of a plan.

Weed Man: It really isn't. Say, did you tell your Dad we're heading out?

Glitter Girl: Dad ... ate like 50 apple pies and kind of ... passed out. I tried to wake him but ... he screams a lot when I do...

Weed Man: Oh my ... I'm so sorry about that guy.

Glitter Girl: ... yeah

~~~

Glitter Girl and a one handed Weed Man are walking around the city trying to solve this mystery.

Weed Man: This is some trippy shazam! right here....

They look around to see stop signs are completely bent downwards and traffic lights are drooping and malfunctioning.... there's a lot of chaos all over the city over this.

Glitter Girl: Do you know which bad guy could have done this?

Weed Man: Maybe it wasn't a bad guy ... maybe it just happened...

Glitter Girl: How could something like this JUST happen?

Weed Man: I'm pretty high today .... wait....

Glitter Girl: What?

Weed Man is sniffing around.

Glitter Girl: What is it??

Weed Man: I smell some AWESOME weed near here!

Weed Man runs into a mysterious building and Glitter Girl follows...

Glitter Girl: Wait!!!!!!

It's unclear exactly what happens next ... all we get are flashes of something terrible happening...

Glitter Girl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Glitter girl collapses violently on the hard floor!

Weed Man is seen stretching out with his one hand from behind a cage with bars.

Weed Man: SAMANTHA!!!!!!!!!!

Everything fades to darkness....

~~~~~~~~~~

Steve is sleeping in his bed and is covered in apple pie mess when his window shatters!

Steve: What the...

A brick is thrown in and lands on his stomach.

Steve: OOOOOMPH!!!!!!!

Steve gets up and is very pissed.

Steve: What is the meaning of this, brick!?

Steve sees that there's a message attached to the brick and reads it.

Note: "Follow these instructions or your daughter and brother will die!

Steve: Oh no...

~~~

At Amanda's separate mansion..... a brick flies through the window and hits David in the shoulder ... this sends skinny little David flying across the room! David crashes into a china cabinet and causes quite the loud mess!

Amanda: Oh crap!!!! .... it's a note.

Amanda reads a similar note that Steve read.

Amanda: Oh crap! My daughter is in trouble!!! ... also Weed Man too I guess.

Amanda runs away and follows the instruction on the note.

David comes outside and is covered in blood and broken glass and Max joins him.

Max: Where did she go?

David: I don't know!

Max: Don't worry ... I got this.

Max sniffs around.

Max: This way!

~~~

Steve finds himself in a strange and seemingly abandoned warehouse after following the instructions on the note ... Amanda also arrives here at the same time.

Steve (excited): Baby!!!

Amanda: What the .... Steve ... is that you?

Steve: Yes!!!

Amanda: You look like crap! How could you have changed so quickly!?!?

Steve: I missed you so bad!!! Are we together again???

Amanda: No! ... did you set all this up to get back with me??!?

Steve: No, I got a note saying I had to come here to save Samantha and Dave!

Amanda: Me too! Let's just focus on that, ok?

Suddenly lights come on to reveal a spiral stairway and a note.

Note: Follow the stairs!

Steve (looking down): Oh wow.... those stairs go down FOREVER!

Amanda: Oh wow! They do go down DEEP!

Steve: I don't think I can do all these stairs....

Amanda: But they're going down....

Steve: Yeah but still... I got a better idea.

Amanda: Steve don't!

Steve just lets himself fall down the stairs ... which go for quite a ways and DEEP into the ground!

Amanda runs down to find Steve at the bottom all bloody and injured.

Steve: See ... *coughs blood* ... I told you I could do it! And here you are using your legs like a sucker....

Steve sneezes blood and teeth all over the place.

Amanda: Come on, we got to save Samantha!

They follow a tunnel and are now deep under ground.

Steve: ... I think this is even deeper under ground than Dave's weed tunnels...

Finally they find a mysterious room just built into a large rocky opening underground.

Steve: What the....

Steve and Amanda look into this ENORMOUS room! It has a GIANT horse shoe magnet pointed upwards with lights on it! This giant magnet is bigger than a bus and making a loud humming noise. It's also hooked to advanced controls. In the room is Magnet Hands, Regular Hands (with his hands covered in duct tape), some third guy and some man in a red costume with a brick emblem on his chest.

Also in this large underground room is Weed Man and Glitter Girl! Weed Man and Glitter girl are trapped in some kind of cage and behind bars on opposite sides of the room!

Magnet Hands: Welcome ... to my EVIL LAIR!!!!

Steve: ... did YOU kidnap Glitter Girl and Weed Man??!

Magnet Hands: Yes I did! Right after I caused the city to come to a complete stop thanks to my giant magnet!

Steve: ... you did this?

Magnet Hands: Yes!

Steve: .... you????

Magnet Hands: Yes damn it!

Steve: But ... I would have expected someone else!

Magnet Hands: There is nobody else! I'm like the last one of your enemies!

Steve (thinks about it): Oh yeah....

Amanda: How did you do all this!?!?!?

Magnet Hands: My great grandfather, Magnet Feet, built this lab during the 40s ... there wasn't enough power back then to run this however and he passed it on to my Grand Uncle ... Diamond Cutter! ... Diamond cutter didn't carry on the magnet theme .... anyway, he died too and I inherited it!

Amanda: Shut up!

Magnet Hands: But... I was going to talk about my large magnet that has the whole city disabled!

Amanda: I meant How the hell did you manage to kidnap Dave and Samantha!?!?

Magnet Hands: Everything worked out in my favour! Remember the night you and Steve broke up?

Steve: How do you know so much about us?!?!

Magnet Hands: Cause, the same night she and your son and your cat spend the night at a hotel... I was fortunate enough to be in the next room!

~flashback~

Show Magnet Hands crying next to a prostitute.

Prostitute: Hey ... don't worry about it ... you're not the first guy I met with such a small penis...

~back to present~

EVERYONE in the room is looking strangely at Magnet Hands with a raised eyebrow.

Magnet Hands: DAMN IT!!!! WHY DID I TELL THAT PART!??!!

Amanda: ...wow

Steve: I can't believe this guy kidnapped our family members.

Magnet Hands: Back to my story!!

~flashback~

Amanda is in the hotel room talking to Samantha on the phone the night of the break up.

Amanda: I'm sorry Samantha... I don't mean for this to be hard on you ... it's just me and your Dad ... are having problems.

In the next room, Magnet Hands is listening in with his ear against the wall.

Magnet Hands: Wow ... these walls must be paper thin.

Amanda: What?!?!?! You're a super hero now!? Just cause your Dad was Steroids Man doesn't mean you should try to be a hero too, you might get hurt!

Magnet Hands (listening): What's this????

Amanda: Yes, when I married your Dad he was Steroids Man ... but I'm not very comfortable with you being this Glitter Girl, Samantha. And yes, I know your uncle Dave is Weed Man but....

Magnet Hands listens in and is VERY excited.

Magnet Hands: You got to take notes for me!

Prostitute: Hey... you only paid me for tickle fight....

Magnet Hands: I'll pay you more, just please mark this stuff down!

~end flashback~

Steve: Wow .... way to keep the family secrets Amanda.

Magnet Hands: Yup, she told me everything I needed to know!

Amanda: I still don't know how you managed to kidnap these people.

Magnet Hands: Oh that was easy!

Weed Man: Oh no.... don't tell this story....

~flashback~

Show Weed Man standing in front of a cage with an open bottom being held up by a piece of wood. Under the cage is some weed on a plate.

Weed Man: That weed looks AWESOME!

Glitter Girl: Wait!!!!!!

Weed Man goes under the cage, grabs the weed and the cage falls on him and traps him!

Glitter Girl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Suddenly Glitter Girl is hit in the back of the head with a brick!

Glitter girl collapses violently on the hard floor!

Weed Man is seen stretching out with his one hand from behind a cage with bars.

Weed Man: SAMANTHA!!!!!!!!!!

Show Magnet Hands and Brick Man.

Magnet Hands: Good job brick man ... now deliver the notes!

~back to present~

Steve: Are you serious.... you fell for that Dave?!?!??!

Weed Man: ... it's not one of my proudest moments.

Amanda: Are you ok Samantha?

Glitter Girl: I think so.... but my head hurts.

Magnet Hands: Ok, now that we're set up ... it's time for my evil plan!

Amanda: Let them go!

Magnet Hands: Pay attention to me very closely or they will die!

Steve holds Amanda back.

Magnet Hands: You guys will have to work together and complete a series of tasks TOGETHER to save them! Or else they will be crushed in their cages by the built in crushing machine!!!

*pause*

Steve: What?

~~~ meanwhile ~~~

David and Max are looking down the long and spiral stairway.

Max *sniffs* : They're down there!

David: Well let's go!

~~~ back to the lair ~~~

Amanda: Wait ... I'm confused ... you kidnapped part of my family ... to get me and Steve to work together to save them???

Magnet Hands: Exactly! You guys must put aside your differences and become united again or ... they will die!

Steve: I'm confused ... I mean I'm glad you're trying to get me and my wife back together but ....

Amanda: This doesn't seem like ... very evil or super villain like.

Magnet Hands gets really mad and grunts.

Magnet Hands: Are you kidding me!? This is VERY evil.

*blank looks on everyone's faces*

Magnet Hands: You idiots! I'm going to save your marriage and then kill you all right when you're back in love with each other again. Why is that so hard to understand?

Steve: Ohhhh...

Magnet Hands: Now let me explain the first activity I set up.... it's going to help you guys rebuild trust...

Weed Man gets really bored and decides to use his one hand to push on the bars of his cage and they break off.

Weed Man: No way! I got my powers back!

Magnet Hands: What? Stop him!

Brick Man grabs a brick and throws it at Weed Man ... Weed Man catches it and throws it back and hits Brick Man right on the head!

Brick Man: Ow.

Brick Man collapses.

Magnet Hands: PRESS THE BUTTON!!!!

Regular Hands: I can't ... you made me duct tape my hands so I could "walk a mile in your shoes". My hands are really sweaty....

Magnet Hands: Get your assistant to do it!

Jim: What?

Weed Man goes to Glitter Girl's cage and uses his strength to bend all the steel bars like straws.

Glitter Girl: I'm free!

Steve: Dave!!! Your powers are back!

Weed Man: Yeah! I'm right excited! Now let's go home and eat Fig Newtons!

Steve: Wait ... when was the last time you had one of those things?

Weed Man: A while....

Steve: Dave!!! I think your powers go away when you eat those things!

Weed Man: Oh man... that makes sense!

Steve: Wow... you can't drink, do crack, not be high and now eat Fig Newtons without serious problems!

Samantha: What happens if he does crack?

Steve: He becomes an evil sailor. Whole big thing.

Samantha: Wow!

Suddenly David and Max enter the room.

David: What's going on down here? Hi Daddy!

Steve: Hi....

All the family gathers together now.

Steve: Ok, so we're leaving now.

Magnet Hands is red faced with rage.

Magnet Hands: YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!!

All the family stops and looks back.

Magnet Hands: RELEASE THE KILLER ROBOTS!!!!

*pause*

Magnet Hands: *sigh* ... can you make him press the button?

Regular Hands: Press the button, Jim!

Jim: What button....

Magnet Hands: The one marked "robots"!

Steve and his family look really bored and annoyed at this point.

Jim: I pressed it...

Magnet Hands: You got to press it TWICE!

Jim: Well how was I suppose to know that?

Jim presses the button and doors begin to open upwards around the room.

Magnet Hands: Wahahahahahahhahahah! I would like to see you get out of this one, STEROIDS MAN!!!

Steve: You do know I'm retired right?

Glitter Girl: Ummm Dad ... this looks serious!

The doors are raising off the ground to reveal advanced looking robot feet behind each door.

Amanda: Oh uh.......

The doors continue to lift up and we now see the large and scary robot legs!

David: OH crap! I don't want to see anymore!

Weed Man: Don't worry, I'll protect us!

Steve: I don't think even you could fight that many robots!

The doors continue to raise and we now see the robot's thighs .... and wires sticking up.

Everyone: ...

David: .... the robots have no upper halves....

Magnet Hands: Crap ... I guess my great grand father never finished them....

Steve: WOW! That is .... disappointing.

Amanda: Let's go now.

Magnet Hands: Wait! What about my magnet? Huh? You can't leave while I still got the whole city disabled!

Weed Man: Oh yeah...

Glitter Girl: I got it.

Glitter Girl goes over and looks at the controls.

Glitter Girl: Aha, here's a self destruct button!

Magnet Hands: NOOOOOO!!!!

Glitter Girl presses the button and a 30 second count down appears!

Glitter Girl: Everyone! Run!!

Everyone except Magnet Hands and the unconscious Brick Man runs out of the room and heads for the stairs!

Steve: Oh damn ... Dave, can you carry me?

Weed Man: I'll carry you anywhere brother!

Weed Man uses his super strength to carry Steve up the stairs and everyone runs like mad.

Magnet Hands stays behind and tries to stop the self destruct!

Magnet Hands: I can't stop it!

Magnet Hands tries to run away too but ... his magnetic hands are stuck on the metal control panel.

Magnet Hands: Oh balls....

Magnet Hands tries to break free but can't as everyone runs and jumps out of the warehouse!

*KABOOM*!!!!!!!!

There's an explosion inside the warehouse and it collapses!

Show Steve and family outside as well as Regular Hands and Jim.

Regular Hands: So.... can you get this duct tape off my hands?

Jim: Sure.

Weed Man goes over and lifts up a manhole cover.

Weed Man: Yup. Looks like the magnet thing is shut off!

Steve: So now what?

Amanda (to Max and David): How do you feel about visiting Steve, Samantha and Dave for a bit?

David: Hooray!

~~~~~~

At Steve's Mansion - show Steve and Amanda sitting on the couch with the family around them.

Steve: So ... are we back together now?

Amanda: I would like to be, but ...

Weed Man, David, Samantha and Max look on hopefully.

Amanda: I just don't know how to get over the whole cheating situation....

Steve: Yeah, but we cheated on each other ... doesn't it cancel each other out?

Amanda: Not really. I'm just hurt you moved on so fast...

Steve: I don't move on... I was just confused and in a dark place in my life ... I really lost myself when I thought you died.

Amanda: It felt like you were over me.

Steve: I will never be over you .. but I did think I lost you and stopped caring about life! I'm sorry about what happened! It didn't actually MEAN anything...

Amanda: I'm sorry too! I never wanted to cheat on you but I was in a smurf up situation!

Weed Man: It sounds like you were both in legitimate and bizarre situations where you both did the same thing.

Steve: The only difference is ... Amanda KNEW I was alive at the time she did it....

Amanda: Oh come on!

Steve: But I can look past it!

Samantha: Why don't you guys just apologize to each other and move on! You both screwed up!

Max: Yeah, you guys need to meet in the middle or something.

David: Look how sad my face is!

*ding dong*

Steve: Will you answer that, Amanda?

Amanda: You answer it! It's your mansion!

Steve: Fine!

Steve opens the door and the rest of this scene is from his perspective - we see what he sees.

We see a man in a strange cape at the door.

Steve: Hello?

Caped Man: Are you Steroids Man?

Steve: I was ... why?

Caped Man: Just asking because of my job.

Steve: What job is that?

Caped Man: I kill people.

Steve: What?

The Caped Man raises his sharp knife and stabs Steve right in the heart! Steve looks down to see the knife is right in his chest and blood is gushing out!

Everything goes silent except for Steve's loud beating heart....

Steve looks up again to see the Caped Man is running away in the distance and disappears into the woods....

From Steve's prospective, he falls down and the audience sees the ceiling. Looking up, we show Weed Man, Amanda, David, Samantha and Max all looking down at the audience (or Steve's field of vision).

It's still silent and we can see them all crying and appear to be yelling and freaking out ..... but nothing is heard ... as we loop up at everyone, the eye lids close and everything fades to black....