Chapter 164 --> A Week Left to Not Die

[Clarence]

Steve wakes up in a hospital bed and is confused and disoriented.

Steve: How .... how long was I out?

Nurse: 50 ...

Steve: 50 MORE YEARS OF MY LIFE GONE!?!?! I'M 200 YEARS OLD NOW?!?!

Nurse: ... 50 MINUTES! And you're still 70 years old ...

Steve (sitting up): Oh ... what happened?

Nurse: Your system can't handle alcohol, especially with your zinc heart! No more drinking for you!

Steve: But ... I only had a sniff....

Nurse: Wow ... that's sad.

~~~

Cut to Mr. Sandwich's large and evil office where he sits on his throne between his two evil colleagues who have smaller evil thrones.

We see an elderly man standing before them wearing black and with a black top hat. He also has a black walking cane with a curved end to hold on to.

Elderly Top Hat Guy (raspy voice): Hello....

Mr. Sandwich: Are you "The Stabber"?

Elderly Top Hat Guy: No, I'm "The Poker" now.

Mr. Sandwich: Wow ... maybe you should go back to being "The Stabber".

The Poker: It don't matter none what my name is, the important thing is I get the job done every time!

Evil Colleague #1: So you will kill the one called Steve Mann?

Mr. Sandwich: And Petrov and Sven too! They must die for failing to kill Steve for me!

The Poker: Ok ... that's 3 people ... I'm gonna need a list.

Evil Colleague #2: Fine, but you'll do it right?

The Poker: Gladly, if you keep your end of the bargain too!

Mr. Sandwich (annoyed): *sigh* Yes ... we'll get you those satin sheets for your bed you want so bad ....

The Poker: I want that screen for my window too! It's been literally been broken for YEARS at this point and...

Mr. Sandwich: Damn it! Yes, we'll do that too but only after you get the job done!

The Poker: Piece of cake, after all I was in the secret service! I can handle one man!

Evil Colleague #1: You were in the secret service?

The Poker: *GASP* How did you know?!?!?

Evil Colleague #2: His memory is shazam!....

Mr. Sandwich: Stay focused you! I need this job done!

The Poker lifts his cane and presses a hidden button and a long pointy spike comes out from the bottom.

The Poker: No problem at all, let me give you a taste of what he's in for!

The Poker takes his spiked cane and stabs a picture on the wall right between the eyes!

Mr. Sandwich: Damn it! That's a picture of my wife!

The Poker struggles to remove the spiked cane from the wall and loses his balance in doing so.

Sandwich JR: What the hell is going on here anyway?!

We zoom out as everyone looks at Sandwich JR ... who's been in this room the whole time organizing documents.

Mr. Sandwich: Oh smurf are you still here?

Sandwich JR's jaw drops.

Mr. Sandwich: I mean .... ha ha ha ha you fell for our prank, aren't we hilarious? Ha ha ha ha

The evil colleagues and The Poker look on but don't laugh.

Mr. Sandwich (mega evil glare): Laugh damn you!

Now they all laugh while Sandwich JR looks on ....

Sandwich JR: Oh Dad, your humour sure got weird since you got older.

Sandwich JR kisses his Dad on the forehead and leaves the room. Mr. Sandwich vigorously wipes his forehead clean.

Mr. Sandwich: Damn he got youth germs all over me! Anyway ....

The Poker is on the floor sleeping loudly.

Mr. Sandwich: WAKE YOUR smurf bottom UP AND KILL STEVE!!!!!

~~~

Steve is crying and eating in the cafeteria and Vorthon joins him with a tray of food.

Vorthon: Are you ok?

Steve: *cries* No! Everyone I love is dead!!!

Vorthon: But you told me you had a son?

Steve: *cries* No! Everyone I love is dead!!!

Vorthon: .... and a brother?

Steve (happy): Yeah, I wonder what ever happened to Dave?

Suddenly a very old and frail looking man on a motorized wheel chair navigates himself into the room. People all cheer as he enters.

Steve: Who is that???

Vorthon: That's Mr. Henderson. Four days ago the doctors told him he has less than a week to live.

Old ladies go over to Mr. Henderson.

Old Lady #1: Do you need any help there handsome?

Old Lady #2: You're a hero!!!

Steve: ... they love him. He looks so happy.

Mr. Henderson is crying.

Vorthon: They feel bad for him. After all he could die any time ....

Suddenly we hear a loud beep as the heart monitor attached to Mr. Henderson goes out.

Everyone: Awwwww....

Some old guy: There goes a brave and wonderful person!

Steve: I wish I was happy as that dead guy.

Vorthon: I don't think you're fully grasping what's going on here....

Steve: Wait a minute ... I got it!

Steve stands up.

Steve: EVERYONE! I HAVE ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT TO LIVE! LOOK AT ME!

Vorthon: ...

Nurse: Oh dear!

Some other old guy: What a shame! You're such a trooper!

Some old lady latches on to Steve:

Very Old Lady: I feel so bad for you ....

Steve: I'm so happy right now!

Very Old Lady: Awww... to be happy at a time like this ... I wish I had your strength!

Steve: All I need right now is everyone's love.

Vorthon: Alright. I'm done here.

Vorthon storms off in disgust.

Very Old Lady: Come on dying man, let me give you something to remember on your way to the grave!

Steve: Ummm ... pardon?

~~~

Elderly Steve is now smurf this old lady in really slow motion next to a empty jar of Vaseline.

Old Lady: Oh yes!

Steve: OH YEAH!!!!

Old Lady: What?

Steve: I SAID OH YEAHHHH!!!

Old Lady: Pardon?

Steve (louder): I'M SAYING OHHH YEAAH TO THE tickle fight WE'RE HAVING!!!

Old Lady: Nope, still can't hear you.

Steve (so loud): OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!

Vorthon is in the other bedroom laying on his bed with his pillow wrapped around his head trying not to hear this.

Steve: Old tickle fight sucks but at least I'm still getting some action!

Steve looks back in terror and resumes the elderly sexing.

They go at it and Steve looks back ... again and again multiple times each time looking more afraid and concerned.

Old Lady: Why do you keep looking back?!?!

Steve: THE LAST TIME I smurf SOMEONE AFTER MY WIFE DIED, SHE CAME BACK TO LIFE AND BEAT UP THE OTHER WOMAN! SO I AM CHECKING TO SEE IF THAT HAPPENS AGAIN!

Old Lady: I'm done here.

The old lady begins to dress and leave.

Steve: Wait! But I'm dying!

Old Lady: Sorry. I'm just not that into it anymore ... you're crazy or something. Good luck with your last days.

The old lady leaves and Steve puts on a robe and goes into the kitchen.

Vorthon: Having fun?

Steve: I think so?

Vorthon: You're a despicable person. Pretending to have one week left to live so people feel bad for you???

Steve: Hey now. Give me a break! You don't know what I'm going through! I need this!

Vorthon: What YOU'RE going through? What about the rest of us huh? You don't think we're going through some heavy shazam! too?

Steve: Ummm...

Vorthon goes to get a photo album.

Vorthon: I lost people I love too! A whole album full! Let me show you ....

Steve has left the room.

Vorthon: ARE YOU smurf KIDDING ME?!

~~~

Steve walks down the hall in sunglasses and new clothes that he bought with sympathy money while he plays "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees on his new year 2035 music player.

Everyone smiles and waves at Steve as he passes by.

Random old lady: Does your courage know no limits???

Steve smiles and gives her 2 thumbs up while pointing at her and continues along with his happy strut.

Random elderly man with no arms: You're so great!

Steve: Right on! High five!

Random elderly man with no arms: ...

Steve: ohhhhh too slow! Can't catch me up here because I'm on cloud 9!

Steve joyfully saunters along.

The Poker: Are you Steve?

Steve: No! I'm the happiest man alive!

Steve whimsically trots along down the hall.

The Poker: Oh ... I really need to find Steve.

Steve suddenly crashes into some guy with a futuristic notepad thing.

Steve: Hey! Watch where you're going! I have a week to live!

Guy: Are you Steve Mann, formerly Steroids Man?

Steve: Yes I am! Somebody remembers Steroids Man! Oh glorious Day!

Guy: Yes, well I'm a producer ... it took a LOT of research to find a hero that someone hasn't made a movie on.

Steve: Oh?

Producer: Yes, this day and age there's too many damn Spider Man and this and that and a billion Marvel movies, my studio is looking for something unique, something fresh, something unheard of ....

Steve: ...

Producer: I want to make a movie on you! A tribute to your legacy!

Steve hugs the producer!

Steve: I love you!

Producer: Right ... well I got to get as much information from you as I can before you die.

Steve: Yes ... die...

Producer: What are you dying of anyway?

Steve: Ummm ... bad .... body parts?

The producer has to take a step back to recover from the most absurd thing he's ever heard.

Producer: I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I think I had something very retarded in my ear.

Steve: I mean I'm dying of ... diseases...

Producer: Which one?

Steve: ... all of em.

Producer: ...

Steve: I mean ... 3 of them.

Producer: Let's just get this interview over with.

~~~

Steve and the producer are back in Steve and Vorthon's nursing home apartment sitting on opposite chairs.

Steve: I'm so excited to be in this movie!

Producer: Oh, you're not in this movie in any capacity. We have a bunch of actors lined up.

Steve: Oh ... well I'm still excited to finally have a movie about me!

Vorthon: Why are you making a movie about this guy? You know he's not even dying right?

The produces raises an eye brow and Steve leans into the producer.

Steve (whispering): He's a compulsive liar! He's on medication for it but all the medication does is make him really really angry!

Vorthon: YOU SON OF A jabberwocky! THERE'S GOING TO BE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR YOU!!!

Producer: Ok, let's just begin ok? Maybe you could start by telling me your life story.

Steve: Oh yes, this is one of my favourite stories! That and Archie comics. Hey do they still make those?

Vorthon and the producer give each other a confused look.

Producer: Please, tell me your life story already.

Steve tells his story and we skip ahead to the many horrified and shocked and sad reactions the reporter gives while listening to it. He ends up crying a lot and at one point pukes in a bucket. Later he tries to take a knife to his throat but Vorthon talks him out of it. Vorthon also later talks the producer off a ledge from the window and Steve FINALLY finishes his story.

Steve: The end.

Producer: That is the most awful ... terrible thing ever ....

Steve: Oh, and last week I killed my daughter by making her take all her steroids.

Producer (standing up and crying): Ok I think I got what I need thank you!

Steve: So the movie is a go!

Producer: Yeah ... there's some interesting stuff like your demon manager and etc ... I just have to go drink and sort these stories out.

Steve: Bye then!

The producer leaves and now it's just Vorthon and Steve.

Vorthon: Not a lick of any of your stories were true, were they?

Steve: What? Yes they all were!

Vorthon: You had a smurf talking cat and ate unicorns?!?!?

Steve: Yeah man, and unicorn meat is damn tasty ... I miss me some unicorn meat.

Vorthon: You're WAY out to lunch ok? WAY OUT!

Steve: Want to play cards?

Vorthon: HELL NO!

Steve: ... how come?

Vorthon: Are you serious? I'm very much pissed off at you!

Steve looks genuinely shocked and surprised with the expression of a confused kid.

Steve (stupid whiny voice): .... why???

~~~

Mr. Sandwich and his evil colleagues converse while Sandwich JR is at a hardware store getting a replacement toilet part.

Mr. Sandwich: Has The Poker killed Steve yet or what?

Evil Colleague #1: Not yet I'm afraid ... but we might not need to worry about that much longer ...

Mr. Sandwich: Huh?

Evil Colleague #1: Nature is going to do that for us. I just found out he only has a week to live....

Evil Colleague #2: That's awesome!

Mr. Sandwich: No it's not!

The evil colleagues look confused.

Evil Colleague #1: But ... he'll be dead like you wanted.

Mr. Sandwich: I want his death to come from ME! If he dies any other way that means he will have gotten away with what he did!

Evil Colleague #2: What did he do again?

Mr. Sandwich: I don't remember anymore, but that's not the point! Nobody I want dead doesn't die by anyone but me!

Evil Colleague #2: I'm confused and need Tylenol.

Mr. Sandwich: *sigh* I need to have a bowel movement and pass some of my rage.

Mr. Sandwich heads to the office bathroom.

Evil Colleague #1: Don't forget, that toilet is being fixed!

Mr. Sandwich: smurf! That's right! I sent my useless son to get a new part .....

Evil Colleague #1: Right....

Mr. Sandwich: I have to use the regular retirement bathroom now like a commoner! Damn it!!

Mr. Sandwich leaves and also brings along a mysterious briefcase....

~~~

Steve is walking around and having a great time with all the nursing home folk who all love him now.

Elderly Lady: How you doing?

Steve: As good as I can be ... with a week left to live and all.

Elderly Lady: Awww... let me get you something.

Steve: Oh boy! More free stuff!

Elderly Lady: Laxative?

Steve: Ohhh exotic chocolate!

Steve eats the bowel loosening chocolate.

Steve: Oh no... karma is attacking my balloon knot!

Steve promptly runs into the bathroom and in the mirror sees a reflection of .... Mr. Sandwich as a demon???

Steve: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Mr. Sandwich quickly turns his head and looks at Steve. Mr. Sandwich suddenly has demon features including devil horns and black skin with red eyes and demonic jewelry.

Steve: What ... in ... the .... smurf.....

Mr. Sandwich: Ok, you got me.

Steve: Are you a demon???

Mr. Sandwich: No ... I just like to dress up as one sometimes ... you know ... it makes me feel good. This is just makeup and eyeshadow.

Steve: That's smurf UP!

Mr. Sandwich: What? Lots of people have interesting quirks. I like to dress up like a demon on occasion....

Steve: That's not interesting at all!

Mr. Sandwich: It makes me feel good damn it!

Steve: That's a terrible way to make yourself feel good!

Mr. Sandwich: Get out of my bathroom!

Steve: This is everyone's bathroom!

Mr. Sandwich: Not anymore! I own this place and have now claimed this bathroom for myself and myself only!

Steve: Are you ... taking over this bathroom?

Mr. Sandwich: I sure am! You better hope I don't take over the other bathrooms too!

Steve: You're mad with power! You need to be stopped!

Mr. Sandwich: Nothing can stop me!

Steve (rolling up his sleeves): Oh yes I can! As much as I enjoy fighting your random henchmen, your time is up!

Mr. Sandwich: Hey now ....

Steve: What's the matter? Scared now that it's just you and me? Come on! Try and kill me yourself you lazy bastard!

Mr. Sandwich: That's henchmen work! I don't do the killing! My underlings do!

Steve: When I put an end to you it's going to be a great addition to my movie!

Mr. Sandwich: Oh smurf off! You are NOT getting a movie!

Steve: Yes I am! And you're about to be in the finale!

Steve charges at Mr. Sandwich! Mr. Sandwich quickly grabs a mysterious silver ball and slams it on the floor! Smoke FILLS the bathroom!

Steve runs out of the bathroom coughing violently as smoke billows out of the bathroom door cracks.

Steve: Damn ... *cough* ... that crafty bastard ... *cough* *choke* .... I can't believe he got away!

~~later~~

Two male janitors are looking down at Mr. Sandwich's unconscious body on the bathroom floor.

Janitor 1: Well ... better take him to see the nurse.

Janitor 2: Poor old guy!

Janitor 1: ... why is he dressed like the devil?

Janitor 2: That's the kind of questions that'll get us fired, Greg. Just roll with it.

~~~

A week goes by. That's a week of random and silly pointless attempts by The Poker to kill Steve. Also a week of Vorthon being extremely pissed at Steve. Meanwhile the love Steve has been getting from his new-found retirement home friends is starting to get ... tiresome for Steve.

Very scary old lady: Steve! You poor dying man.

Steve: Yes ... that's me ...

Very scary old lady: I know what will make you feel better!

Steve: I bet you do .... *sigh*

Very scary old lady: Almond?

Steve: What???

Very scary old lady: I saved this almond just for you! When I was thinking about you dying I thought to myself, I can't eat this almond...

The old lady goes on and on while Steve begins to wish he really was due to die soon. Suddenly the producer Steve met with earlier makes a surprise appearance.

Producer: Steve!

Steve: Oh thank goodness! Someone young to talk too! These old people are sucking the life out of me!

Producer: But you yourself are ... oh never mind ... let's go to your room, I got something to show you!

~~~

The producer places a strange cube on a coffee table and a screen is projected on a wall. The producer sits between Steve and Vorthon and hands out popcorn.

Steve: What's going on?

Producer: We shot some scenes of your movie!

Steve: Already???

Producer: I keep forgetting that you are still stuck in 2015. Movies are shot MUCH faster today!

The producer plays some clips. First we see a very enormous man wearing a different version of the red Steroids Man costume storming through the city! He's smashing through cars and there's explosions and special effects all over. Way too many special effects!

Movie Steroids Man: I NEED TO FIND CRIME BEFORE MY STEROIDS WEAR OFF!!! WHY WAS I GIFTED WITH THESE POWERS!?

Steve: Ummmm.....

Vorthon: This is awfulness.

On the screen we see movie Steroids Man standing on a mountain of dead terrorists. Suddenly this very skinny actress appears. Like near death skinny.

Skinny actress (most horrible and high pitched voice ever): Oh Steroids Man! You saved us all from the bad guys! I hear you are going to get the key to the city!!! But can you get the key to my heart???

Steve: Ok ... wait .... ummm ... what the smurf! Who is that suppose to be?

Producer: That's Amanda of course!

Steve: Amanda wasn't anorexic!

Producer: Anorexic? What are you talking about? She has a glorious figure. Most women would die to be that pretty. We certainly weren't going to cast an overweight 90+ pound actress for this role!

Steve: ... I want to go back into my coma now.

Movie Amanda: Oh no! I sure hope my big strong hero Steroids Man is ok while fighting wheel chair man!

Steve: And what's with the acting!?!?!

Movie Amanda: Now that my hero boyfriend is out fighting bad guys ... I will sneak around and do CRACK behind his back!!! Whaahahhahahaha! (evil laughter and thunder cracks)

Steve: WHOA!!! Why is THAT in the movie!!? I didn't tell you that to put in there!

Producer: Ummm... I'm clearly going to use everything at my disposal to make this movie interesting.

Suddenly a tall black man wearing horns walks on the screen and puts his arm around Amanda.

Movie Amanda: Hello Manager! You're just in time! Steroids Man is out!

Movie Manager: Perfect ... he must never know about our love!

Movie Amanda and The Manager begin making out on the screen.

Movie Manager: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Yes. My plan to steal Steroids Man's woman and take over this town is working!

Steve: That's not ... that's not at all right! This is terrible!

Movie Dave enters and gasps.

Movie Dave: Oh no! My best friends girl is like totally ... banging the evil guy. I got to tell my buddy Steroids Man right away! Gnarly.

Vorthon: This is like a really bad soap opera or something.

Producer: We needed a lot more character interaction and story ... not just some large monster punching people all day.

Steve: That's not what I was...

Producer: It pretty much was.

Suddenly a commercial for tampons appears on the screen.

Steve: WHY ARE THERE TAMPONS IN MY STEROIDS MAN MOVIE!?!?

Producer: Oh, there's commercials during movies now.

Steve stands up and is pissed!

Steve: This is the worst! I can't watch anymore!

Producer: But the part where you fight a giant squid is coming up soon!

Steve: I never fought a giant squid!! I'm hardly in this smurf movie at all!!!

Movie Amanda is making out with some Puerto Rican guy.

Movie Amanda: Oh max! The Manager and Steroids Man must never know....

Steve: TURN THIS OFF NOW!!!

Producer: Fine. But do you want to hear the reviews from this movie? We asked some expert critics their thoughts.

Steve: Ok...

The producer begins to read from a clipboard.

Producer: Gilroy Flanagan called this movie "Hot Sweaty Garbage"

Steve: Hot sweaty garbage?!! This is my LIFE!!!

Producer: Wilson Monroe says that the hero is a terrible role model and just plain horrible person.

Steve is fuming mad.

Producer: Lorraine Carrington asks how anyone can watch a feature length movie about the most terrible person ever? And goes on to say that thank goodness he doesn't have much screen time. I don't think most people can stomach 10 minutes of this guy let alone a full movie? Wow. And let's not even talk about is Shay wife and...

Steve loses his mind and winds up to throw an epic punch at the producer!

Producer: Did you just hit me?

Steve: Yes ....

Producer: Wow ... that was surprisingly weak. I've had balloons hit my face harder than that!

Steve: GET THE smurf OUT NOW!!!!

Vorthon: Are you still making this movie???

Producer: Of course! Theaters will play ANYTHING!

Steve throws a flurry of punches and kicks at the producer with no effect.

Producer: Ok, see you all later.

~~~

Steve is walking down the halls more depressed than ever.

Random old woman: Want a hug you poor man with little time left to live?

Steve: NOOOOO!!!!

Steve runs away (slow and elderly like) and cries in a corner.

Steve: I don't like this! I want to go back in time somehow!

Mysterious old man: I can help you there.

Steve: Huh?

Mysterious old man: I can help you go back in time!

Steve (super excited): Really?!?

Mysterious old man: Yes ... I have a time machine in my room. Come with me....

Steve is beyond excited and follows this old man.

Mysterious old man: Know that I only do this for you because I feel bad that your final week left to live is almost up!

Steve enters the mysterious old man's room.

Mysterious old man: There it is ... my time machine!

Steve: ... where?

Mysterious old man: Right there!

Steve: ... that's a shoe box with glitter on it!

Mysterious old man: Hey! I worked hard on this! Now get in!

Steve: You senile old smurf!

Steve stomps on the box and storms out! The mysterious old man falls to his knees and cries while holding the ruined box.

Mysterious old man: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'm trapped in this time .... FOREVER!!!!

~~~

Steve walks down the halls but can't get away from the annoying residents.

Elderly Man: It's been a week! You must be very close to death by now!

Steve: ... yes ... sure am....

Elderly Man: Can I have your pants when you die?

Steve: ... sure.

Elderly Man: You're a good man.

Steve continues on and walks by an office with doctors talking.

Doctor 1: I can't believe it ... have you seen these brain scans?

Doctor 2: You mean for Steve Mann?

Doctor 1: Yes, these test results boggle my mind. How did he ever survive on his own?

Steve barges in.

Steve: What are you guys talking about?!?!?

Doctor 1: Oh ... this is awkward.

Steve: TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

Doctor 2: Maybe you should have a seat and we'll have a little talk talk, ok?

Steve: Don't talk to me like a kid and be up front with me!

Doctor 1: Ok, remember those tests we did last week?

Steve: No....

Doctor 1: Well we scanned your brain and everything and discovered that ...

Steve: Well?

Doctor 1: Well... I'm not sure how to say it...

Steve: SAY IT YOU smurf!!!

Doctor 1: You're completely retarded!

Steve: What...

Doctor 2: You results show that you are ... and always have been ... completely retarded in every way.

Steve: That's not true! It can't be!

Doctor 1: We're pretty surprised too that nobody ever noticed before.

Doctor 2: Nobody ever mentioned this to you?

Steve: No! Because it's not true!!

Steve grabs the doctor's hand and places it on Steve's own forehead.

Steve: Do the test again! You must see I'm not retarded! Feel my forehead really good this time!!

Doctor 1: No ... that's not ... how the test works. You would know this if you weren't ... retarded.

Steve: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve runs out of the room flailing his arms.

Doctor 1: That poor guy ... he's so helpless.

Doctor 2: You know he's been going around telling everyone he only has a week to live?

Doctor 1: Yup, his poor mind. What a mess.

~~~

Steve is in the cafeteria crying and trying to kill himself by eating a whole box of raisins.

Steve: Goodbye cruel world!

Some old guy: Shouldn't you be dead now?

Steve: ... wha...?

Angry old lady: Yeah! It's been a week!

Other elderly man: Yeah! You should be dead!

Annoyed old woman: What's the story?

Steve: I ... got better?

Everyone starts throwing some negative comments at Steve.

Steve: Ok! Fine! I admit it! I lied about my week to live so you would all love me!!

Everyone (loudly): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Steve: I'm sorry! I lied! I admit it! I, Steve Mann, am a terrible liar!!!

The Poker: Steve Mann???

The Poker pulls out a list and reads it!

The Poker: That's the guy!

The Poker presses the button on his cane and the spike comes shooting out ... into his foot.

The Poker: OWWWWWW!!!!!

The Poker has stuck his bleeding foot to the floor with the spiked walking cane!

The Poker: THE AGONY!!

All the elderly people look at him.

The Poker falls down as nurses approach.

Everyone leaves Steve and gathers around The Poker.

Old man: Awww... poor guy.

Elderly lady: What a shame!

Senile man: He's our new hero!

Steve quietly sneaks away...

~~~

Steve is back in his room and is just sitting there staring at nothing and very sad.

Vorthon comes in.

Vorthon: Oh, good, you're home. I need to talk to you!

Steve: What...

Vorthon: I can't handle your evil charade anymore! So here's the deal! You either tell those people you're telling a great big lie, or I will!

Steve: Don't worry about that, the cat's out of the bag. I already confessed.

Vorthon (surprised): You did?

Steve: Yeah. And now everyone hates me. This is the worst day of my life!

Vorthon: It is?

Steve: Yes, everyone hates me and I found out my brain is no good and also my movie really, really sucks! Nothing this bad has EVER happened to me!

Vorthon: YOU'RE smurf DAUGHTER JUST DIED LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AGO!

Steve: Can we be friends again now?

Vorthon: *sigh* Maybe.

Steve: Maybe?

Vorthon: Yeah. First I think I need to get even with you for being such a princess sophia ... and I think I got a good idea how.

Vorthon leaves the room while laughing.

Steve (concerned) ... Vorthon???