Chapter 165 --> Grand Children

[Clarence]

Show the Brittlecliff retirement home. Show inside elderly Mr. Sandwich's large and evil office.

Mr. Sandwich owns the retirement home and sits on his thrown next to his two evil, elderly colleagues.

Mr. Sandwich is dressed in black as usual and with a black cape on and his colleagues are dressed similar and in black.

Mr. Sandwich: Are you sure???

Sandwich JR: Yes! This entire building has run out of toilet paper!

Mr. Sandwich: Why hasn't the new shipment arrived!?

Sandwich JR: I don't know!!

Mr. Sandwich: Wait a minute ... I think I know what's going on here!

Sandwich JR: You do?

Mr. Sandwich: No ... I mean .. go check the basement storage area again!

Sandwich JR: But I already did!

Mr. Sandwich: Just go again!!!

Sandwich JR: Ok, whatever.

Sandwich JR leaves.

Mr. Sandwich: Finally.

Mr. Sandwich pulls out a remote control and presses it and a large, flat screen lowers from the ceiling.

Evil Colleague #1: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mr. Sandwich: I sure am! I know exactly who's behind our toilet paper shortage!

The screen activates and we see a slightly muscular old man wearing evil looking blue clothes and a blue cape with nice gray hair combed back. He is sitting on a throne in between two smaller thrones which sits two old guys also wearing similar blue uniforms. The head muscular old man also pets an elderly looking evil white cat. In the background is piles and piles of packages of new toilet paper.

Muscular old guy on screen: Mr. Sandwich! What a pleasant surprise!

Mr. Sandwich: Cut the crap Mr. Hamburger!

(the muscular old man who wears blue will now be captioned as Mr. Hamburger)

Mr. Hamburger: What's the matter? Troubles at Brittlecliff? Funny that the number 1 retirement home is giving me a call!

Mr. Sandwich: What's that in the background? It looks like a lot of toilet paper for a number 2 retirement home!

Mr. Hamburger: Well, maybe our establishment here at Grim Valley is moving up in the world!

Mr. Sandwich: GIVE ME BACK MY TOILET PAPER!!

Mr. Hamburger: It's my toilet paper now and there's nothing you can do about it!

Mr. Sandwich: Are you trying to start a war between our retirement homes?

Mr. Hamburger: Wahahahaahhaa! You could never defeat me in a war!

Mr. Sandwich: Wanna bet?

Mr. Hamburger: I hear you can't even kill Steve Mann, an elderly resident that you don't like very much!

Mr. Sandwich: How did you know that!?

Mr. Hamburger: I know more than you can imagine. I have people on the inside!

Mr. Sandwich looks at his evil colleagues.

Evil Colleague #2: Not me!

Evil Colleague #1: Or me!

Mr. Hamburger (petting his old cat): Ha ha ha ha. Be careful who you trust, Mr. Sandwich. And keep your eyes open! I don't want you to miss when Grimm Valley becomes the number 1 retirement home and your crappy Brittlecliff falls completely off the list!

Mr. Sandwich: That will never happen! Don't mess with me again or you will pay! Got it? Now bugger off!

Mr. Sandwich turns off the TV angrily.

The evil colleagues look concerned.

Mr. Sandwich: Ok, here's the plan! Step 1: We now go all out and get as many people as we can to work on killing Steve! Step 2: We're going to find the moles working for Mr. Hamburger and kill them too! And step 3 ... (evil laugh) ...

Evil Colleague #2: Step 3?

Mr. Sandwich: We're going to destroy Grimm Valley and get rid of our biggest competition once and for all! Even if we have to kill everyone there!

Sandwich JR (walking back into the room): What did you just say Dad?

Mr. Sandwich: I said .... I love you son.

Sandwich JR: Awww, I love you too Dad!

~~~

Steve finishes feeding the elderly animals in the nursing home petting zoo. After he feeds them the entire bag of spicy Doritos he begins to head back to his room.

Steve: Feeding those animals didn't make me feel better at all.

In the distance an elderly cow collapses.

Steve is now in the hallway leading back to his room. But the less senile residents still remember his shenanigans from the last episode where he pretended he only had a week left to live so people would like him.

Elderly Man: You're a piece of shazam!! FAKER!!

Steve keeps walking.

Old Woman: You're the worst person of all! smurf you!!!

Steve keeps walking.

The Poker: (In wheel chair and leg cast): You're a bastard!!!

Steve makes it back to his shared living area.

Vorthon: You're home! I got a surprise for you!

Steve: ... really?

Vorthon (excited): Yup!

Vorthon goes to a table with a laptop on it.

Vorthon: I can't wait for this one!

Vorthon spins the laptop around to reveal an extra skinny and wimpy looking middle aged man on the screen.

Guy on laptop screen: .... Dad?

Steve: .... some guy?

Guy on laptop screen: Dad ... it's me ... David.

Steve: David who?

David: It's ME! You're SON!!!

Steve takes a closer look at this pathetic looking man seen on the laptop screen.

Steve: Are you sure?

David: Yes! It's me! Don't you recognize me???

Steve: Sorry you just look .... way older and different.

David: So do you!

Steve: Well it was nice to see you again son. Have a good one!

Steve begins to close the laptop but Vorthon stops him.

David: Wait! Don't you want to meet up with me and see your grandchildren???

Steve now gets very excited for the first time in this conversation.

Steve: I have grandchildren! Oh yes, I think Samantha mentioned something about that!

David: They would love to meet you! I can come by in an hour and get you!

Steve: Well ... ok, fine.

David (raising his arms): Hooray! .... ow my arms hurt.

Steve: ...

David disappears of the screen.

Steve: Great ... now I have to hang out with that guy....

Vorthon: I told you I would get my revenge for you being a jerk. Too bad you're such an balloon knot that revenge is reuniting you with your son....

Steve: So you found my son and set this up?

Vorthon: Yup, I talked to him for a good while this morning.

Steve: How was that?

Vorthon: Awful actually ...

Steve: Well ... I'm going to make the best of this. Sure my son is a wimp ... a serious wimp ... but maybe there's still time to save my grandchildren!

Vorthon: Not if that guy's raising them.

~~~

Steve waits outside for his son who finally arrives ... in an extremely shitty beat up car. The car is rusted up and looks to be falling apart.

David: Get in Dad! I'll take you to see the wife and kids!

Steve: Ok ... is this car safe?

David: Hasn't failed me yet! ... this morning...

David begins to drive his Dad around the city which looks very worse and run down than he remembers it.

Steve: Wow ... what happened to Dave Town???

David: They cleaned it up a little, looks a lot better, don't you think?

Steve: ???

They begin to get to a VERY bad neighbourhood.

Steve: Ummmm ... how much further to your house?

David: Not much. Don't make eye contact with anyone around here though.

Steve looks around to see thugs all over. People wearing black and chains, real rough looking people. Car parts and kid toys all over everyone's lawns. Houses in serious disrepair. Things keep looking more and more sketchy the further David drives.

Steve: Seriously ... we are close to your house, right?

David is covered in sweat and trying his best to drive and avoid the pot holes and criminals and stray cats.

David: Almost .... there .....

David gets nervous and takes out an inhaler and breathes it in. We now see the worst people you can imagine walking on the streets. Smoking crack in broad daylight. Bums gathered around a burning barrel. An upside down car on fire. Somebody fighting with blow torches. A man on a horse whipping another man on a horse...

Suddenly David's crappy car backfires and makes loud banging noises.

David: THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US!!!!

David clutches his heart in pain and pukes out the window.

Steve: Calm down! It's just your shitty car!

They finally arrive at a crappy little house at the end of the street surrounded by dead trees. David pulls into the driveway.

David: Whew .... *gasp* ... we're home.

Steve looks at the house which is a total disaster and falling apart. It's also not that big looking. Also covered in graffiti.

Steve: Why do you live here???

David: It's the cheapest place I could afford! You have know idea how expensive it is to raise kids! Mom tried to help but we blew through your money quickly!

Steve: What?!?

Steve and David go inside this crappy house after unlocking like 5 or 6 locks. Steve is shocked at what he sees ...

Steve: What the ....

Steve sees wall to wall kids, like kids EVERYWHERE! Too many to count!

Steve: Is this a daycare?? Why are all the nighbourhood kids in here!?!?

David: Oh no ... these are mine ... all 20 of them!

Steve looks around in disbelief. There are kids ALL over running around making a terrible mess! The house is in shambles and these kids are all over the place like animals.

David: Let me introduce them to you .... KIDS! Hey KIDS! Listen to me please.

None of the children react in any way.

David: Kids. Ummmm attention kids. Daddy is talking now.

Steve: Are you serious? Show some authority man! Like this .... KIDS!!!! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN HERE!!!!

The kids still don't react and continue to run around and be crazy.

Steve: This is smurf. There's too many damn kids here! Are you sure they're all yours!?

David: Yes... I've been busy.

Steve: They're ALL yours?

David: Yes!

Steve: That one is black!!!!

David: He's just very tanned.

Steve: Where's your wife?

David: Gretta? I don't know...

Thick gruff voice: I'm Right here!

Suddenly this obese and rough looking woman comes over. She looks like a scrapper and has muscular arms. Long black hair and a face that looks like a catcher's mitt that caught on fire and was stomped out. She looks like 30 miles of bad road and has the personality to match.

Gretta: Who's this wrinkly old smurf?

Steve: !!!

David: It's my Dad. Remember? He was in a coma for 20 years and just woke up.

Gretta: I thought he died.

David: No ... we just haven't visited in a while.

Steve: You stopped visiting me?

Gretta: All your bottom did was sleep all the time. Like you would have known we were there!

David: And with 20 kids and now another on the way, we had NO time.

Steve: Another on the way!!!?!! What the smurf?! Why?!? Why so many kids?!?!

Gretta: When I met your loser son here, he promised me a daughter ... but for some reason keeps holding out on me!

Steve: You're scary as hell.

Gretta: What did you just say, jabberwocky?!?

Gretta punches a hole through the wall and rips out a copper pipe and starts swinging it.

Gretta: You want to throw down with me?!?

Steve and David back up and hold each other.

Steve: No thanks! I just want to meet my grand children please!

Gretta: Fine. But watch yourself in my house, you hear me?

Steve: Yes sir! Ma'am!

David: Ok, let me try again to get the kids attention for you.

David clears his throat.

David: Kids ... kids please ... hello ... Dad here and...

Gretta: For crying out loud. KIDS!!!!! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE NOW OR ELSE!!!!!

Suddenly all the noise stops and the kids line up.

Gretta: There you go. Have fun.

Gretta leaves the room as Steve and David breathe a sigh of relief.

David: Ok kids, this is my Dad, Steve. He's your Grandfather! Say hello, kids!

All the kids wave or say hello and etc.

David: And Steve ... these are the kids ... let me introduce them all...

David quickly names off all the kids which are as follows:

(Here's some quick descriptions. The numbers before the kid's names also represents their age)

1 - Aaron - Infant baby who climbs EVERYTHING and is always seen hanging off something!

2 - Abe - This terrible two year old runs around and steals things, plates etc. Has a secret stash of items somewhere.

3 - Adam - Bites people ... A LOT and it HURTS!

4 - Addison - Runs around NON stop! Always bumping into things, like an annoying and clumsy Flash.

5 - Adrian - Screams all time! Like he's having day nightmares or something.

6 - Alex - The black kid who's origins are questionable. Very rambunctious!

7 - Allen - This kid is a super bully. So much so that he even picks on his Dad!

8 - Alvin - Very quiet and nice and polite. Not insane or annoying in any way. Probably the most normal kid here.

9 - Andrew - Constantly listens to music and tells everyone to stop talking. Always has large headphones on.

10- Anthony - Eats all the damn time. Literally ... all ... the ... damn ... time...

11- Archie - Always high and has bloodshot eyes and laughs all the time! I think he got the Weed Man gene.

12- Arlo - Mega vulgar and uses ultra swear words.

13- Armand - Going through severe puberty and can't stop touching himself or sneaking off to beat it like it owes him money.

14- Arnold - Serious about girls. Always with a girl or multiple girls. Dating all the time.

15- Arthur - Really gay, like in a cartoon like stereotypical kind of way.

16- Arwin - Plays with BB guns all the time and shoots things. Really into violence and horror movies and video games etc.

17- Ash - Seems kind of slow. A very large kid who smashes things with 2x4.

18- Austin - Wears overalls all the time. Always dirty and tired looking. Works very hard to support this family because David ... isn't bringing home as much money.

19- Axel - Super nerd. Has the look too, thick glasses and all. The smartest person by far in Steve Mann's family.

Steve: Are you serious with everyone's name starting with A???

David: Well ... we have been too busy having tickle fight to turn the page on the big book of baby names....

Steve: And who is that kid?

Axel: I'll field that one! This is my son, which would be your great grand son!

Steve: Are you smurf serious? David! You have so many kids that your kids have kids!

Axel: Quite true. I was only 15 years old at the time when I tried to combine tickle fight with science experiments ... but something went awry...

Steve bends down and looks at the strange kid. He looks kind of mysterious and there's a strange ominous feeling about him. This 4 year old boy has wild curly hair and one red coloured eye, with the other being a more normal blue.

Axel: Meet, Daemos!

Steve remains bent down looking at this kid while evil suspenseful music plays and the room gets darker. Steve quickly stands up and steps back.

Steve: There's something about this kid!

The demonic looking kid takes a step forward and begins to talk in an odd voice.

Daemos: Great Grandpa .... 5 and a half weeks.

Steve: Pardon?

Daemos: You will be gone after this.

Steve: ....

David: Hahahaha, good old Daemos. He's never wrong though Dad, you might want to really enjoy the next 5 and a half weeks.

Daemos: Don't laugh Grandfather, you won't even make it until the end of tomorrow.

There's an awkward silence as everyone looks at other. The awkward silence is broken by the following...

Gretta: FEEDING TIME! EVERYONE COME GET IT NOW WHILE THE GETTIN IS GOOD!!!

~~~

Everyone gathers around the dining room. All 23 of them gather around a large table which appears to be multiple tables and crappy lumbar holding everything together. In the middle of this series of wood and tables is a large feeding trough. Gretta takes an enormous oil drum full of Kraft Dinner and lifts it with her unusual strength and pours it into the trough. All the kids begin digging in with their bare hands and macaroni gets all over the place.

Steve: What ... is this

Gretta: If you have a better way to feed 23 people, I'd like to hear it!

Steve: Don't you at least have ... forks or something?

Gretta: Do your hands not work anymore?

Steve: It just seems odd to not have ... utensils ....

Gretta: This isn't the friggin Hilton, ok? This is the best we can do. Deal with it.

Steve: I don't think I'm hungry.

David: I'm with ya, I gave up eating a long time ago.

David begins to suck on his thumb while crying.

Steve: Say son ... why don't we go and catch up, just you and me. What do you say?

David: Ok!

~~~

Meanwhile at the retirement home, Vorthon does a crossword.

Vorthon: This is the life. I hope Steve spends a lot of time with his wimpy son cause I'm enjoying this alone time!

Suddenly the door busts open and some old man wearing a cardboard mask barges in with a shopping bag full of energy efficient light bulbs.

Vorthon: What the ...

Old Man: Take this Steve!!!!

The old man begins to throw light bulbs at Vorthon, but they all miss and shatter.

Old Man: Did I do it? Did I kill Steve so Mr. Sandwich will get me that new pillow I wanted?

Vorthon: No ... you didn't ....

Old Man: Damn. Well I'll be back because I want to collect the reward for killing Steve Mann. Actually so does a lot of others! Mr. Sandwich is offering greater and greater rewards and more people are getting in on this! I think Wilmont will stop by later, tell him I said hi.

The old Man leaves and Vorthon throws his crossword into the trash.

Vorthon: So much for my relax time!

~~~

Steve and David are sitting inside a really crappy shed.

David: What do you think of my garage?

Steve: This is no garage.

David: *sigh* I'm sorry I'm not rich like you were Dad. I like my garage!

Steve: Why do you have so many damn kids?!?!

David: What am I suppose to do? My wife said she will leave me if I don't get her a girl ... time is running out.

Steve: So let her leave you!

David: You don't like her, do you?

Steve: Do you?!?! What do you see in Gretta anyway?

David: I don't know ... things were better when I first met her. She was at the hospital a lot having liposuctions while I was visiting you in your coma and ... we really hit it off.

Steve: And now?

David: The only thing I can say about Gretta now is ... that I really re-Gretta getting married.

Steve laughs out loud and is actually having fun talking to his son.

Steve: Good one, son. Well at least you gave me a bunch of grand children. Now I know my descendants will live on well after me.

David: I'm glad you're happy. I hope Mom can come by and meet them too!

Steve: ... what

David: Mom! Now that you're out of the hospital, she should be free to visit, right?

Steve: Ummm.... Mom's dead ....

David: WHAT?!?!!?!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!

Steve: I'm not sure ... how do you not know!?!?

David: This is terrible I had no idea! I been too damn busy with 20 kids! I'm in a family of 22, Dad! You don't know what it's like! You only had a family of 4! What a joke!

Steve: I ... I'm sorry!

David: Have you told sis?

Steve: Ummmm... she already knew ... also she died too.

David: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

David begins sucking his thumb and goes and curls up into a ball on Steve's lap.

David: cradle me!

Steve: No! What the smurf!?!?

David begins sucking on his Dad's shirt.

Steve: What's going on!??!

David: My thumb hurts from sucking on it too much, let me suck your shirt.

Steve: Get off me, damn it!

David stands up and so does Steve.

Steve: Pull yourself together man!

David: Ok, let me have a beer to calm my nerves! I'm in total shock here!

David opens two beers and they each have a seat.

Steve: Cheers son, we'll get through this. Think of your new family now!

David: That's not helping, but cheers!

Steve and David touch beer bottles, each have a sniff of beer and both fall off their chairs and pass out.

~~~

The next morning, David and Steve wake up on the cold shed floor as freezing cold water is thrown on them.

Steve: WHAT THE smurf!?!?!

Gretta (holding bucket): Don't talk to a lady like that! Now get the smurf up, both of you! It's family day and we're going to the park!

Steve: You're going to the park in this scary neighbourhood?

Gretta: I'm not scared of this neighbourhood! If anyone tries to cause shazam! they'll have to answer to my fists!

Steve (to David): She's definitely the man of the house.

~~~

Steve and his son and family are now in the shadiest park you've ever seen. Gretta has the youngest children in an open trailer that she's dragging along. And I mean a large flat trailer that you would put on a car.

Steve: I think I seen this park before ....

David: Really? When?

Steve: In like every horror movie ever.

Suddenly a large bunch of bad looking men approach. They appear to be in a gang. All wearing black jackets and chains and tattoos and other gangster items.

Head Gangster: Well look who it is! If isn't the McCaffrey family!

Steve: Whew, they're talking to some other family.

David (scared): No ... they're talking to us!

Steve: But they called us the McCaffrey family!

David: I know ... our family took on Gretta's last name instead of mine....

Steve: What ... the ... smurf .... is wrong with you??

Head Gangster: Stop talking and listen to me! You owe us some money and I want to collect right now!

Gretta extends her middle fingers very confidently and profoundly.

Gretta: smurf YOU!!!

Steve: Ok, smurf this I'm out!

David: Wait for me!

Steve and David hide under a picnic table and watch this play out.

Head Gangster: We made a deal! We run some Kraft Dinner trucks off the road so your family can eat and you pay us for the job!

Gretta: Guess you guys got smurf over huh? Deal with it!

Gretta moons the gangsters with her hairy and scary bottom.

Head Gangster: Kill them all. Spare nobody. Murder the children too.

The gangsters all spread out and suddenly have weapons such as chains, knives, brass knuckles and etc etc.

Gretta: Bring it on!

Gretta and her children run at the gangsters! The Gangsters run at the family! An epic battle ensues in the middle!

Steve: Oh crap! Is that gang really going to kill my family!? They're not going to kill my grand kids are they!!?

David: Listen, Dad. I used to be a gang leader back in the day. I know from experience, they aren't bluffing!

Steve and David hug each other.

David: I'm scared!

Steve: Me too!

Gretta is fist fighting random gang members and getting the best of them, knocking random gang members out! One of them tries to whip her in the face with a chain, but she catches it with her teeth and pulls back sending the gang member flying!

Little 3 year old Adam goes around biting random gang members!

Random Gang Member: That hurts!!

Allen the 7 year old bully is using a slingshot to send rocks flying into the eyes of some of the gang members!

Arthur is wearing a bright hot pink shirt covered in reflective silver sequins which sends bright sun beams all over the place.

Gang Leader: My eyes!!!

One of the gang members grabs a gun but Arwin beats him to the punch and shoots his eyes out with a BB gun! Ash comes running through like the Juggernaut using his bulky thick frame to knock down the criminals like bowling pins!

Austin (looking at watch): Oh crap, I gotta go guys. I have to work soon!

Axel finds himself being chased by two gang members.

Axel: I got it!

Axel remembers his chemistry and science classes and quickly finds random elements in the park to stick in a makeshift rocket made out of a small hollowed out tree. Axel fires the weapon with a tremendous bang and sends the gang members flying!

There's carnage and mayhem all over and more gang members show up to help out! Things are starting to look bad for David's wife and many offspring!

David: Oh no! They have extra gang members coming to help out! We need to do something!

Steve: But I'm too old and you're a pansy!

David: Oh yeah...

Steve and David continue to hug.

Multiple gang members begin to jump on Gretta and she's slowing down but still throwing punches. The other kids are beginning to be pushed down and neutralized!

Steve: I can't watch this!!!

Suddenly a large gust comes in and everyone looks over at 4 year old Daemos.

Daemos: Leave my family alone!

The red eye of Daemos begins to grow and the ground begins to shake!

Some Gang Member: Earth quake!

The ground now shakes terribly and gang members begin to lose their balance! Some gang members are swallowed by openings in the ground! Red thunder bolts begin to rain down only striking the criminals who all begin to disperse and run off!

Steve: Is this really happening or am I senile now!?!

Gretta: And don't smurf with us again if you know what's good for you!

The tremors and storms quickly fade away while Gretta shakes her fist at the fleeing criminals!

Axel pats Daemos on the top of his head.

Axel: That's my boy!

Steve and David's mouths are dropped in shock.

~~~

Later everyone is back at Gretta's house and all the children are fine. More than fine actually....

Alex: Oh boy that was fun!

Arlo: Yeah Mom! I want to smurf up some more gang members!

Armand: Me too!

Gretta: Maybe later kids, now run off I gotta talk to your Dad and his Dad.

The kids leave the kitchen and now it's just Gretta, David and Steve.

David: What a crazy day huh ...

Gretta: Yes. My favourite part was when you hid under the table and hugged your elderly father.

Steve: I don't know if I like the term elderly...

Gretta: No wonder you can't give me a girl, you took all the girl genes for yourself.

David: STOP IT!!! STOP IT NOW!!!!!

David takes out a large knife.

Gretta: Are you ... standing up to me???

David: OF COURSE NOT!!!

Gretta (disappointed): Oh....

David puts the knife next to his throat!

David: I'm going to kill myself right now right here!

Gretta: Wait!!!! Not near my new drapes!

David: Yes near your new drapes!!!! I'm going to get my neck blood all over them and we no longer have the receipt!!!!

Gretta: I WON'T LET YOU DO IT! THEY ARE THE NICEST THING WE OWN!!!

Gretta grabs a frying pan off the stove and smacks David in the face with it! David's neck twists around and he collapses on the floor dead!

Steve: What have you done!?!?!?!?

Gretta: Are you serious? I killed him that easily?! He is so WEAK!

Steve: You hit him with a frying pan!

Gretta: I know, but look!

Gretta takes the frying pan and hits herself in the face and head a bunch of times really hard and noisy like but causes zero damage.

Gretta: See?

Steve: ...

Gretta: Oh wait ... oh no!

Suddenly a baby comes tumbling out from between her legs and under her skirt. She grabs the knife from David's lifeless body to cut the umbilical cord. Gretta then holds the new born in her arms.

Gretta: Bailey's born!

Steve: Ok, I'm done here.

Steve leaves.

~~~

Back to Steve and Vorthon's place.

Vorthon: So you just ... walked out and left?

Steve: Yeah, I mean ... I was done, right? Nothing else to see there.

Vorthon: What about the kids!?

Steve: There's too damn many of them. And a lot of them sucked.

Vorthon: This is the most horrible story I ever heard!

Steve (looking around): Why's this place such a mess by the way?

Vorthon: Because people have been coming in here constantly looking for you! Messing the place up trying to find and kill you!

Steve: Crazy. Let's get a pizza and watch some cartoons.

Vorthon: Aren't you going to grieve over your son at all?

Steve: *sigh* ... ok, fine! I'll wait 5 minutes before ordering a pizza, happy?

Vorthon: ... are you real??? Like, seriously, are you a real person?!?!