Chapter 166 --> Light a Joint

[Clarence]

~~~~unexpected new record for longest episode right here! Enjoy.~~~~

At the Brittlecliff retirement home --

Sandwich JR: Hello Dad, I'm back from vacation and ... what the hell...

Sandwich JR looks around and is very confused at the different surroundings. His father, Mr. Sandwich, now has a much larger and more evil looking office. He sits in a larger throne and now there are 4 evil colleagues around him instead of 2.

Sandwich JR: What happened here???

Mr. Sandwich: Son, so nice of you to stop by, so see you later then.

Sandwich JR: But .... I just go back.

Mr. Sandwich: No, you're still on vacation, go and hang out with your family.

Sandwich JR: Well .... ok, sure, I still have some unpacking to do anyway!

Sandwich JR leaves.

Mr. Sandwich: NERD!!!!!!!!

Evil Colleague #3: So now that he's gone, how about we get down to business, eh?

Mr. Sandwich: I agree. First off, evil colleagues #1 and 2, meet #3 and 4.

Everyone waves to each other and says hello.

Evil Colleague #2: Why did you need more evil colleagues again?

Evil Colleague #1: Yeah, weren't we doing a good job?

Mr. Sandwich: Of course, but things are getting more serious around here we could use a few more hands on deck. After all, Mr. Hamburger at our top competing rival nursing home is trying everything he can to take us down and even may have spies here. Not to mention we still have to kill Steve Mann!

Evil Colleague #4: Yes ... that guy. Why are we trying to kill him again?

Mr. Sandwich: BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!!

Evil Colleague #4: Right....

Mr. Sandwich: Now last week we sent a bunch of random and pointless assassins to kill him but later found out he was ... not home ....

Evil Colleague #2: Yes ... that was awkward.

Mr. Sandwich: So this time we are going to go for quality over quantity. Who is the single best person we can come up with for the job? someone who can kill him even if he's not home?

Evil Colleague #3: I know just the guy. He lives above me on the 5th floor!

Mr. Sandwich: The 5th floor? Wow ... that's high up. Ok, let's call his room number.

~~~

Later, the elderly assassin meets with Mr. Sandwich and his 4 evil colleagues in the office.

Mr. Sandwich: What is this ... a Power Ranger???

Before them stands a skinny man who resembles a robot. He is covered in tin foil and metal pieces and flashing lights. We can't see any part of him as he's covered in these materials. He is also wearing a mask with a bunch of blinking lights on it. This weird robot looking man takes a bow.

Weird Tin Foil Covered Man: I am .... Dr. Malicious!!!

Mr. Sandwich: ... what ... are you?

Dr. Malicious: I am a scientist extraordinaire!

Evil Colleague #3: Yes, this scientific genius is our oldest resident by far.

Evil Colleague #2: Oh, yes, I remember this guy now. His room is filled with all sorts of crazy gadgets and gizmos.

Dr. Malicious: Under no circumstances shall you ever gaze upon my personal belongings or even take so much as a glimpse of my most precious and secret place of dwelling!

Evil Colleague #2: What?

Dr. Malicious: Don't look in my room.

Mr. Sandwich: Anyway, do you think you can do the job? Do you think you can kill this man?

Mr. Sandwich holds up a picture.

Dr. Malicious: Isn't that your offspring?

Mr. Sandwich looks at the picture of his son.

Mr. Sandwich: Damn it, wrong picture! Hold on..... I seem to have misplaced it.

Mr. Sandwich searches his pockets for the right picture. Suddenly Dr. Malicious presses some buttons on his chest and a picture prints out of a slot on his stomach. Dr. Malicious shows the picture of Steve Mann to everyone.

Dr. Malicious: Is this the target you require eliminated?

Mr. Sandwich: Yes! That's the guy! Kill him please.

Dr. Malicious: I shall require hench men.

Mr. Sandwich: I can spare one janitor and one nurse.

Dr. Malicious: I suppose that will suffice, and once my services are complete what shall be my pittance?

Mr. Sandwich: *sigh* ... what do you want?

Dr. Malicious: Titanium and lots of it! Plus I desire an arc welder.

Mr. Sandwich: Ok....

~~~

Meanwhile at Steve and Vorthon's room....

Steve: I want pancakes.

Vorthon: Damn, pancakes sound good right now! I haven't had them in forever!

Steve: I haven't had them for over 20 years!

Vorthon: I miss breakfast in general since they cut breakfast from the budget ... you know what? Let's get some damn pancakes!

Steve: Yes!!!! ... how?

Vorthon pulls out some keys.

Vorthon: I'll drive us to the grocery store!

Steve: You drive?

Vorthon: Of course I do! Some of us in this retirement home still own and operate vehicles....

Steve: You're the coolest old guy I ever met!

Vorthon: ... you the weirdest, most backwards and screwed up fellow old man I've ever met.

Steve: Oh yeah ... I'm old too...

Vorthon: How do you not remember things that are a part of your every day life???

Steve and Vorthon leave their room and walk down the hall only to run into Dr. Malicious!!!

Steve: Out of my way shiny weird man.

Dr. Malicious (shocked): What is this unexpected circumstance which has prematurely trust my most desired target before me?

Steve: Come again?

Vorthon: Yeah, what? Why are you dressed like that?

Dr. Malicious: I am not presently prepared to dispose of you in an adequate or discrete manner. I shall use a tracking device to monitor your movements while I prepare the task at hand.

Steve: Can you talk slower or something? I don't know what you're saying!

Dr. Malicious: I bid you farewell and hereby formerly request that you go about your travels and wipe all suspicion of this event from your mind as it would be best that you remain completely oblivious to the most devious of plots at hand.

Steve: Ok, so bye then.

Steve and Vorthon walk past Dr. Malicious. Once their backs are turned, Dr. Malicious removes a large piece of technology from his uniform and places it on Steve's back and runs like hell.

Steve: What the ... whoa ... I think I'm having old man back problems ... my back suddenly feels heavier.

Vorthon: Take a Tylenol or something and let's get moving. You got me wanting pancakes really badly!

Vorthon doesn't notice this blatantly obvious and large tracking device which is stuck to Steve's back and weighing him down.

~~~

Cut to Dr. Malicious who is looking through his many mysterious items in his room filled with science equipment. He finally picks up a strange looking weapon that seems to be a futuristic gun of some kind with blinking lights on it.

Dr. Malicious: Excellent! I have acquired the weapon of choice for this operation!

Dr. Malicious leaves his room and locks it up and meets up with a a janitor and nurse waiting outside. They are wearing blindfolds.

Dr. Malicious: You may now remove your shrouds of sightlessness.

The janitor and nurse remove their blindfolds.

Nurse: Finally!

Janitor: Yeah, we told you we weren't going to peek in your room ....

Dr. Malicious: You are not here to be trusted, but to work with me in completing this task!

Janitor: I knew I should have taken the day off...

Dr. Malicious: Now, do either of you own and operate a vehicle?

Nurse: Well I have a van ...

Dr. Malicious: Excellent! You shall drive me to where I command!

Nurse: ... I better get extra money for this.

~~~

Steve and Vorthon pull up to the grocery store and park their car.

Steve: That was the best car ride I've been on since I came out of my coma!

Vorthon: Ok... that's good.

They get out of the car and Vorthon finally notices the large metal device on Steve's back with lights on it.

Vorthon: Hey you got .... a large machine of some kind on your back! No wonder your back hurts!

Steve (squinting): What was that? I didn't hear you because the sun was in my eyes...

Vorthon (annoyed): Let's just get the damn pancakes!

They go inside the store and begin shopping around.

Steve: Are these pancakes?

Vorthon: ... that's cake mix.

Steve: Are THESE pancakes?

Vorthon: That's Mountain Dew .... are you messing with me right now?

Suddenly Steve spots a familiar looking person. From the distance a long haired man is checking out. He's buying a bunch of bags of Doritos!

Steve: DAVE?!?!

The man looks over and they lock eyes. It looks EXACTLY like Dave and in normal clothing. If this is Dave he hasn't aged a bit!

Steve: DAVE!!!

The man suddenly drops the Doritos and begins to run for the exit.

Steve: WAIT!!!

Steve begins to chase this man down and leaves Vorthon behind.

Vorthon is confused and holding a box of pancake mix as Steve disappears.

Vorthon: smurf it, more pancakes for me!

Steve is now out of the store and hunched over and out of breath. Also the large metal tracking device is weighing him down.

Steve: *pant* ... wait up .... *wheeze*

The long haired man is running in the parking lot and getting further away!

Suddenly an extremely old man in a motorized wheelchair comes close to Steve.

Wheelchair Guy: Excuse me .... do you have the time?

Steve: Time for you to get another wheel chair!

Wheelchair Guy: .... what?

Steve pushes this elderly man out of the wheelchair and takes it for himself and then speeds off towards the long haired man.

Steve: DAVE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!!

The long haired man has now started his green car and begins to leave the grocery store parking lot. Steve then sees it ... the license plate which reads "WEEDMAN"

Steve: IT IS YOU!! HOW CAN PEOPLE SAY YOU DISAPPEARED WITH SUCH A LICENSE PLATE?!?!

Steve goes into full speed with his motorized wheelchair and begins to drive on the road in pursuit of Dave.

The speed limit reads 50 but Steve can tell Dave is driving much faster. Steve speeds up too!

Steve: DAMN! WHY IS HE AVOIDING ME!!? AND shazam!, FUTURE WHEELCHAIRS CAN REALLY MOVE!

They are now going 80!!!

Steve: OH MAN! I HOPE NOBODY PULLS ME OVER FOR DRIVING A WHEELCHAIR ON THE ROADS!!!

Steve looks over and suddenly realizes that there's actually quite a few people driving wheelchairs right into main traffic and in car lanes.

Steve: Oh yeah, this is the screwy future.

Steve keeps on Dave who keeps going down different roads and trying to lose Steve.

Steve: I don't get it! Why would he avoid me!?!!

Dave's car suddenly has to make an abrupt stop at a red light but then switches lanes and tries to make a right turn exit.

Steve: I got you now!!!

Steve swerves ahead of Dave's car to cut him off and SMACK!!!!!

Dave: Oh crap!

Dave gets out and sees this frail old man knocked out of his wheelchair and not moving. Police sirens are heard in the distance.

Dave: Alright buddy, we better get out of here.

Dave gently takes Steve and puts him in the back seat and speeds off before the cops arrive.

~~~

Steve regains consciousness and finds himself eating tacos with Dave at some weird outdoor restaurant. Steve takes another bite out of one of his half eaten tacos.

Steve: Hey! These tacos are good!

Dave: Oh good! You're awake! I was getting concerned there.

Steve: I can't believe I found you! It's so nice to see you again!

Dave: Yea man .. nice to see you too .... are these the best tacos or what?

Steve: So what have you been up too man?

Dave: Nothing much, just hanging out here and there. Smokin weed, eatin snacks.

Steve: How come you stopped being Weed Man?

Dave: Whoa man ... this is blowing my mind!

Steve: What is?

Dave: You! First you know my name and you also somehow know I was Weed Man!

Steve: ... of course I do. Why wouldn't I???

Dave: Cause you're some random old man, man.

Steve: It's ME!!! STEVE!!!!

Dave: Whaaaaaaaa ...??? No..... can't be.

Steve: It is!!!

Dave: But the Steve I know is in some kind of great never ending sleep....

Steve: Yes. I was in a coma. I woke up.

Dave: Damn bro, that's right trippy! High five!

Dave high fives Steve right out of his chair. Steve eventually gets up but the tracking device still weighs him down.

Dave: Shoot man ... my super strength and your oldness ... right ... sorry! Haven't high fived someone in forever and got a bit carried away there ... haven't really been talking with anyone in a long time actually.

Steve: Why not??? Why did you go into hiding?? Why did you quit being Weed Man??

Dave: That's a lot of questions bro. What do you say we head back to my place and smoke some weed and I'll tell you all about it.

Steve: Sounds good!

They get into Dave's green car and drive away from the taco restaurant. As they pull out, a mysterious white van begins to follow...

Back inside the car as Dave drives.

Steve: By the way, how have you been considered missing all these years with a Weed Man license plate?

Dave: I dunno .... I probably should have changed it but ... I like it.

Steve: Back when I was a super hero I had a custom license plate too....

##Flashback##

Steroids Man pulls up to some ladies of the evening in his Steroids-mobile.

Steroids Man: Hey there ... I'm looking for a good time. Want to have tickle fight with a hero tonight?

The prostitutes read the license plate "STDSMAN"

Prostitute #1: STDS MAN!?!? No thanks!

Prostitute #2: We have enough of that on our own!

The ladies walk away.

Steve: WAIT!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DISEASES WITH ME!!! I'LL MOST LIKELY KILL YOU BY ACCIDENT DURING tickle fight LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS, BUT I'M CLEAN I SWEAR!!!

##End Flashback##

*awkward silence*

Dave: Yea... maybe you should let me handle all the flashbacks today.

Steve: Ok...

Cut back to the van which is following them. Inside the van is Dr. Malicious and a random nurse and janitor from Brittlecliff.

Nurse (driving): This is totally obvious! They're going to see us!

Dr. Malicious puts down the tracking device locator unit and goes over to a strange device he installed in the back of the van.

Dr. Malicious: Have no worries, they will be completely oblivious to our presence once I active this cloaking device!

Steve takes notice of the van in his side view mirror.

Steve: Hey Dave .... I think that van is following us ... it has turned on every street we turned on.

Suddenly the van literally just fades away as Dave checks the rear view mirror.

Dave: Nothing out there bro.

Steve: But I just saw ....

Dave: You probably got a hotboxed car room buzz on man.

Steve: Maybe we should open a window!

Dave (disappointed): Awww... but the hotbox!

Back inside the van....

Nurse: What happened?

Dr. Malicious: Eureka! My cloaking device was a complete success! To the outside onlooker, we are but invisible!

Janitor: Are you telling me that nobody can see this van!?

Dr. Malicious: Exactly! The perfect espionage device! Flawless in design and....

Before Dr. Malicious can finish that thought, another vehicle rear ends them ... HARD.

Nurse: IF NOBODY CAN SEE US THEN THEY WILL CRASH INTO US!

Dr. Malicious: Not if you drive with better precision. Now get to work while I put fresh tinfoil on!

Dr. Malicious begins to wrap more tin foil on his arms and legs. He just takes packages of tin foil and unrolls the entire rolls on his limbs.

Crash! Bang! Boom!

More cars are crashing into the van and changing lanes into the van and just hitting the invisible van from all angles! This leaves a trail of wrecked vehicles and mass confusion as to what's going on.

Steve (looking back): Dave ... cars ... crashing all over back there!

Dave: Hahahaha! You're so funny! I miss your witty humor, brother.

After Dave drives away, a few more vehicles crash into the van and the cloaking device fails.

Dr. Malicious: Why aren't we in motion?!?

Dr. Malicious looks over to see the nurse and janitor are dead.

Dr. Malicious: WEAKLINGS!!!!

Dr. Malicious is now enraged and takes the wheel himself and is still able to operate the damaged van.

Dr. Malicious: Just as the old axiom says: Should an individual require a job done within reasonable accuracy than one must complete the task themselves!

~~~

Dave takes Steve DEEP into the woods on a very bad dirt road until they reach the destination. A wonderful and glorious large cabin in the woods.

Steve: WOW! This place is awesome!

Dave: Thanks man, I made it myself!

Steve: That's impressive!

Dave: Yeah man, with the right amount of weed and creativity, you can accomplish anything!

They go inside the cabin and it's wonderfully constructed! It's like a vacation place built to perfection. Inside it's filled with video games, couches, snacks, bongs and etc etc. It's the best hang out place you can ever imagine.

Steve: Yes sir! And I thought your weed garage was nice!

Dave: Make yourself at home man.

They sit on the couch and Dave lights one up.

Dave: Want a hit of this man? If you got any old man pains this will wipe them away.

Steve: Hmmm ... maybe in a minute. It might help my back pain actually.

Dave: Maybe it would help if you took that weird metal thing off your back. Sure is pretty though with all the blinking lights and all.

Steve: Oh Dave ... you and your random weed induced humor.

Dave: I'm serious man, there's this large metal box on your back ...

Steve: Hahahahhaha! Oh you crack me up! You know what? I feel damn good actually ... I think I'm high enough already from the room buzz alone.

Dave: Right on.

Steve: I'm so glad I found you man. Meeting up again with my children didn't go so well, so it's nice to see you pretty much stayed the exact same.

Dave: Oh yah man, I don't change ... or age it seems. That super soldier serum was wicked. So how's the kids?

Steve: They're kind of ... dead...

Dave: Damn dude, so sorry to hear that! I kind of lost touch with everyone...

Steve: You know, it's strange ... it seems like everyone I meet back up with dies horribly ....

Dave raises an eyebrow.

Steve: But I'm pretty sure you won't accidentally die around me like the others!

Dave (nervous laughter): yeah .... I hope not. (lights another joint)

Steve: But seriously though, where have you been? Why did you stop being my super hero replacement?

Dave: It's kind of a story man ... you sure you wouldn't rather play Mario instead?

Steve: Come on, tell me.

Dave: Fine ... here goes ... I never told anyone this before ... I'm gonna have to get my story telling bong....

Dave busts out this ENORMOUS bong!

Dave: Ok, here goes.

##flashback##

Show 20 years ago with Weed Man in full costume walking down a long tunnel of some sort.

Dave narrating: So shortly after you had your coma, I still had super hero things to do. And one of those things was to maintain my secret underground weed tunnels.

Steve: Yeah... I remember that place ... with all the criminals you hung out with down there for some reason.

Dave: Yeah, I thought I had the best plan. Keep all the criminals underground and under my control to grow weed and stuff while the streets above remain clean and safe. But of course to still have weed in the city.

Steve: So what happened ....

Dave: I couldn't keep control of them...

Show Weed Man continue to walk down the tunnel ....

Dave narrating: It was a long tunnel.

Meanwhile in the flashback...

Show Ivan and the other criminals with new high powered guns.

Ivan: It's time! We got our brand new illegal weapons and everyone's locked and loaded, right?

Kareem: Damn right we are!

Ivan: We're gonna finally stop living underground and take over this operation! Weed Man needs to go down.

Suddenly Weed Man pops in.

Weed Man: Hey guys, what's up? Hey wait a minute ... when did you all get those weapons? This was just suppose to be about weed, not weapons....

Ivan: Kill him!

They all open fire as Weed Man attempts to run away but is shot down and collapses in the hall.

Ivan: See? That's all we had to do! Now I will run this town and not stupid Weed Man!

Kareem: Ummm... I wanna run this town!

Mustafa: No I wanna run this town!!!

They all suddenly aim their guns at each other.

Ivan: Oh come on!

Suddenly Weed Man gets up to his feet as everyone is shocked.

Ivan: Impossible....

Weed Man shakes the bullets out of himself like a wet dog and stands strong.

Weed Man: Guys ... you need to stop this ... think of the weed. You need to get rid of those weapons and we can all just live in peace and make and smoke weed!

Ralph: I can't live like this anymore!

Suddenly the gangsters and criminals open fire again but this time Weed Man jumps outside of the room much faster. Suddenly gangsters start shooting at each other as well since all bets are off and everyone is vying for control! As the fight makes it back to Weed Man outside of the main room, he has no choice but to put a stop to this!

One by one the gangsters begin to die from killing each other. Some gangsters try to kill Weed Man who has no choice but to fight back and kill those who threaten him. Weed Man dodges and takes shots while expertly fighting and breaking necks and killing all these evil men. By the time he's done only one remains...

Alvin: Son!

Weed Man: .... Dad?

Alvin: You killed them all!

Weed Man: I had to ... they were out of control and dangerous ...

Alvin: You're not going to kill me are you?

Weed Man: Nah Dad ... you're the best weed grower here...

Alvin: Exactly, that makes me the perfect person to be the new kingpin of Weed in this down!

Alvin aims a gun at his own son.

Weed Man: Dad ... you couldn't!

Alvin: Sorry son, I'm the worst balloon knot ever!

Alvin opens fire while Weed Man runs around the room to get behind his father and break his neck. Weed Man now stands in a room full of dead criminals and is covered in blood and shock.

Weed Man: This is terrible!

Suddenly The Incinerator walks in. This is a large man in a welders mask and large black gloves. He's covered in ash.

The Incinerator: ... what have you done?

Weed Man: I .... I had no choice....

The Incinerator: I can't get rid of all these bodies ... it's too many even for me to take care of!

Weed Man: Ummmm ....

The Incinerator: Weed Man ... *sob* ... you're suppose to be a hero. A hero doesn't do these things.

Weed Man: But ... bad guys and .... guns ... trying to protect the city .... couldn't let them escape!

The Incinerator: There should have been a better way Weed Man ... a much better way.

The Incinerator takes off his welding mask and has tears in his eyes. He begins to make notes on a ledger.

The Incinerator: On the plus side, this is the scoop I need to begin my journalism career I always wanted.

Weed Man: ....

The Incinerator: You won't be the town hero anymore when I publish this!

Weed Man: But you can't ... who else will save the city!?

The Incinerator: Not sure. But not you, that's for sure. How do you spell failure? Spelling is not one of my strong suits as I have spent most of my free time burning people in an oven.

Weed Man: Give me those notes!

The Incinerator: No, they're mine.

Weed Man grabs the ledger but The Incinerator fights back with surprising strength.

The Incinerator: You can't beat me in a tug of war, son! I have super strength from lifting bodies my whole life.

Weed Man does eventually win and The Incinerator is thrown back, loses his balance, trips on a dead guy and smashes his head on a wall and bleeds to death and dies instantly.

Weed Man: Oh come on!

Dave narrating: After that I did the only thing I could think of .....

Weed Man grabs a bunch of bombs out of a room in the underground area labeled "explosives". He sets the bombs all over and has the detonator in his hand while outside of the Weed Garage.

Weed Man: Goodbye secret underground weed tunnels.....

Weed Man triggers the bombs and the tunnels collapse and so does the Weed Garage. All the evidence is buried and gone. All that remains of Weed Man's past life is the costume he still wears.

Weed Man: Dang ... I should have saved the Nintendo...

Dave narrating: I tried to continue like nothing happened.... resume the super hero career ... save random people here and there but .... I felt guilty. I felt bad. I really screwed the pooch. I felt like maybe I shouldn't be a super hero after what I did.....

Show Dave in his underwear next to a burning barrel but with an enormous green joint.

Dave narrating: And that's when I smoked my uniform and turned my back on being a hero.

##End flashback##

Steve: Wow ....

Dave: Yeah... then I kind of just kept a low profile and built and moved into this cabin in the woods.

Steve: You killed our Dad?

Dave: Yup. Major buzz kill, let me tell you.

Steve: Well ummmm ... that's quite the story.

Dave: Sorry I let you down man. I know I was suppose to be your replacement ... I just couldn't cut it.

Steve: Listen brother, you didn't let me down. You had a shitty deal but I think you did the right thing. Hell I've done so many worse things in my career!

Dave: Yeah but ... I dunno ... It sucked ... hard.

Steve reaches out his arms in a surprising moment.

Steve: Hug?

Dave (surprised): Yeah man, I could use a hug!

Suddenly the cabin door flies open and in comes Dr. Malicious with a fancy futuristic gun!

Steve: Seriously.... now???

Dave: Who is this wonderfully reflective man? *inhales joint*

Dr. Malicious: Prepare to meet your demise!

Dr. Malicious aims his gun at Steve and Dave ..... no projectile is fired ... but the sound of laughing children is heard.

Dave: What the .... hey that's actually fun.

Steve: Yeah man... I feel so happy and relaxed right now!

Dave: What's happening?

Laughing children sounds continue to fill the smokey cabin from the gun Dr. Malicious holds.

Dr. Malicious: You have been completely neutralized by the soothing sounds of children laughing! The ultimate weapon! Nobody can withstand a child's laugh!

Steve: He's right ... or I'm so high ... I can't move.

Dave: Neither can I ... all I can think is happy thoughts.

Dr. Malicious: You can move! But only under my commands! Now both of you rise to your feet!

Dave and Steve suddenly find themselves standing up.

Steve: Dave ... do something!

Dave: Can't ... too mesmerized by child's laughter .... feeling too full of glee and merriment....

Dr. Malicious keeps the sound producing gun aimed at them and everyone gets into Dave's car. Dave has the wheel and Steve is in the front passenger seat while Dr. Malicious sits in back keeping the gun aimed at them at all times!

Dr. Malicious: You may now begin operation of this mechanized travel unit.

Steve: Dude ... just say "start the car" .... never mind ... I can't stay mad at you. Those laughing kid noises are so heart warming!

Dave: Where am I going man?

Dr. Malicious: No questions! Just follow my directions!

They leave the cabin and travel down the dirt road and onto the main streets.

Dr. Malicious: Now turn right and stay true on the next road until my instruction!

Dave: Stay true????

Dr. Malicious: Go straight...

Steve: Where are we going?

Dr. Malicious: In an attempt to increase my reward, I shall take you to be slaughtered in front of ....

Suddenly the laughing child noises stop ....

Dave looks at his hand and moves his fingers around while driving.

Dave: I'm in control of my body again!

Steve farts.

Steve: Me too!

Dr. Malicious looks at his gun to see "Low Battery"

Dr. Malicious: Drats! Faulted by inability to remember to completely charge things!

Steve: Get him!

Dr. Malicious: Who's got who?

Dr. Malicious suddenly puts his tin foil covered arms over Dave's face and causes the car to swerve all over. Dave has no choice but to slam on the breaks which causes Dr. Malicious to fly to the front with such force he busts through the windshield and lands on the road in front of them. He is on the pavement and lifeless.

Dave: Oh no.... I killed again! This is why I quit being a super hero!!

Steve: It's ok. That guy was very weird and I'm sure had no friends.

Suddenly and unexpectedly - Dr. Malicious sits up like the Undertaker from wrestling as Dave and Steve gasp!

Steve: What the hell?!

Dr. Malicious is now on his feet and approaches the car.

Dave: What do you make of this scene, bro?

Steve: Get the smurf out of here is what I make of it!!!!

Dave slams er into reverse but somehow Dr. Malicious is still running after them and keeping up!

Dave: Hold on man!

Dave spins the car around and really begins to pick up speed but Dr. Malicious runs just as fast!

Steve: Faster!!!

Dr. Malicious leaps majestically towards the car and grabs onto the back bumper and gets dragged around while sparks fly all over.

Dave: Did we lose him?

Steve (looking back): I think sooo.....

Dr. Malicious suddenly pops up and begins to climb the back of the car!

Steve: He's on the car!!!!

Dave takes his joint and tosses it out the window and into Dr. Malicious's face.

Dr. Malicious: It burns!!!!

Dr. Malicious falls off the car and rolls around on the pavement. Quickly, he gets up and resumes the chase but is now too far away to catch up.

Steve: Whew....

Dr. Malicious slowly walks over to a piece of tin foil on the ground and picks it up and attaches it back on himself.

Dave: Let's go back to my place and away from that guy!

Steve: He would already think to look for us there!

Dave: Oh yeah...

Steve: I have a better hiding place!

~~~

At Brittlecliff, Gertrude knits a sweater.

Gertrude: I can't wait to give this to my niece....

Suddenly the door breaks open and Mr. Sandwich's 4 evil colleagues enter. Mr. Sandwich follows.

Gertrude: Hello ...?

Mr. Sandwich: How are you today?

Gertrude: Good ... I think?

Mr. Sandwich: You should be good shouldn't you? After all, you have been spying for our rival nursing home haven't you?

Gertrude: I don't know what's going on....

Mr. Sandwich: So you haven't been reporting to Grimm Valley and spreading all our secrets?

Gertrude: I am so confused.

Mr. Sandwich: LIAR! THERE IS A SPY IN OUR BUILDING AND I KNOW IT'S YOU!

Mr. Sandwich snaps his fingers and the 4 evil colleagues surround Gertrude and lift her out of her chair.

Gertrude: I don't want to stand right now ... my legs hurt.

Mr. Sandwich: Out the window.

The 4 evil colleagues begin to shove her towards the window!

Dave and Steve are seen driving down the road heading to the nursing home.

Dave: Where do you live? Are we close?

Steve: That building right there! The one with the old lady falling out of it.

Dave: Oh, ok.

They park in the back and enter Brittlecliff. Steve and Dave are now in the old folks home at the kitchen.

Dave: So now what?

Steve: Ummmm.... I never thought that far. Maybe you can just live here with me and that guy will never find us.

Dave: But I don't look old or would fit in here....

Steve: I can burn your face with scalding hot water and then you will look like you have old man wrinkles....

Dave: No!!!!

Steve: But you'll heal later on with your super soldier powers, right?

Dave: I guess so but ...

Steve: So I'll just keep burning so you can fit in and you'll keep healing and we'll all have a grand time!

Dave: ... this whole plan and day in general has been horrible. I need a joint.

Dave lights one up and the wonderful weed aroma fills the room.

Some old man: Do you have a joint? Can I have a hit of that?

Senile old lady: Yes! It's been so long since I had one of those!

Elderly other guy: Me too!

Dave: No worries everyone. I have plenty of joints to go around!

Dave pulls out a pile of joints and hands them out.

~~ later ~~

The kitchen is now full of smoke and everyone laughing and smoking weed and eating.

Dave: I was wrong man. This place and these people are awesome!

Steve: Hahahahah! you are so high!

Vorthon: More pancakes for everyone!

Vorthon hands out pancakes and joins in the fun. Suddenly Mr. Sandwich enters the room with his 4 evil colleagues.

Mr. Sandwich: What the hell is going on here? Why is this kitchen so smokey?

Mr. Sandwich sniffs the smoke and as do the 4 evil colleagues.

~~ later ~~

Mr. Sandwich is laughing with Steve and has his arm around him. Everyone is getting along great and having so much fun!

Mr. Sandwich: Hahahaaha! So yeah .... *tokes* .... I sent that crazy old scientist man to kill you!

Dave: That tin foil guy is hilarious! I love you all.

Steve: Oh Mr. Sandwich! I can't get enough of your hilarious hijinx!

Evil Colleague #4: You guys are my best friends!

Evil Colleague #2: HAS ANYONE SEEN HOW FAST I CAN MOVE MY FINGERS?!

Vorthon (laughing hysterically): Can you believe Steve STILL has that tracking device on his back?

Dave: Ha ha ha ha! That crazy metal man is probably gonna come right here now!

Mr. Sandwich: That guy is so weird hahahaha. He's the oldest person here I think!

In the corner of the room, a secret camera rotates over.... watching from the other side is Mr. Hamburger from the rival nursing home, Grimm Valley. Mr. Hamburger pets his evil old white cat and sits between his two evil colleagues.

Mr. Hamburger: Let's see how our friends at Brittlecliff are doing after we cut their cable!

Mr. Hamburger and his evil colleagues watch on in shock as everyone is happy and laughing.

Mr. Hamburger: How ... how can this be? How can they be so happy? They should be miserable!

Colleague #1: Perhaps removing their cable has caused them to be more social and improved their lives...

Colleague #2: Hmmm ... if removing their cable makes them happier....

Colleague #1: Then we should supply them with even better cable with more channels and they will be even more detached and miserable then before!

Mr. Hamburger: ... I like it. Give them the best channels there is! That will show them!

~~ Back to the kitchen with high people ~~

Dave: Steve, your new friend Vorthon is so cool!

Steve: He sure is.

Vorthon: Thanks man! You're pretty cool too!

Dave: Say, can I call you Vinny for short?

Vorthon: ... no

Mr. Sandwich: How about I order pizza for EVERYONE!

Everyone cheers.

Mr. Sandwich: I love you guys! Each and every one of you!

Suddenly Dr. Malicious busts in!

Dr. Malicious: Sorry for my delay, however the public transportation system in this town is marginal at best!

Dave: Hey man, you're just in time for the pizza party!

Dr. Malicious: I don't want pizza!

Vorthon: Have some weed, man!

Dave: I'm Weed Man!

Everyone laughs while Dr. Malicious gets annoyed.

Dr. Malicious: Laughing time is over! It is now killing time!

Dr. Malicious runs at Steve and begins to strangle him.

Dave: Leave my brother alone, bud!

Dave pulls Dr. Malicious off of him and throws him into a wall.

Dr. Malicious: I can not be defeated with such ease! Prepare for fisticuffs!

Dave and Dr. Malicious begin exchanging punches! The nursing home residents and staff cheer on!

Vorthon is throwing shadow punches in the distance and remembering his boxing days.

Vorthon: You go! Hit him with a right! Jab! Jab!

Steve: THROW A POWER BOMB!

Mr. Sandwich: Cut his jugular vain open and drink his blood!!!!

Steve: ... damn dude.

Suddenly a man arrives with pizzas.

Pizza Man: Speedy Pizza here! Fastest pizza delivery in town!

Mr. Sandwich: Oh boy! Let me pay this wonderful man!

Mr. Sandwich dances over to pay the pizza man.

Dave: I want pizza!

Dave takes a slice of pizza but keeps fighting with his free arm.

Dr. Malicious: How dare you mock me! I demand you battle me with your full attention!

Dave now has a pizza slice in each hand and taking bites while fending off Dr. Malicious with kicks.

Steve: Dave! Come on! You have super soldier powers! You should have won by now!

Mr. Sandwich: Yeah, that guy is crazy old, what's up?

Dave: Oh yeah, super strength! Got it!

Dave throws a tremendous kick at the arm of Dr. Malicious. The kick causes a rip in the tin foil shoulder and what appears to be compressed air escapes the wound.

Steve: Ok ... what the hell is going on?

Dr. Malicious: That is quite enough! No more toying around!

Dr. Malicious throws a kick with such surprising severity that Dave gets thrown into a wall and loses his pizza.

Dave: You made me drop my pizza! Ok, you're done shiny dude!

Dave runs at Dr. Malicious and tackles him, they wrestle around and make it back to their feet. They exchange magnificent and powerful kicks and punches.

Steve: Something is wrong ... Dave should have easily beat this guy.

Dave: Maybe I lost my powers!

Dave takes a metal folding chair and crushes it into a tiny ball effortlessly.

Dave: Nope, that's not it...

Steve: I'm freaking out!

Dr. Malicious throws unanswered punches at Dave's face and finally Dave is able to grab an arm and rip it off!

Vorthon: There you go pal!

Everyone looks over to see sparks shoot out of the arm hole.

Steve: IT'S AN ALIEN!!!!!!!

Mr. Sandwich: Robot ....

Steve: WHERE!??!?!?!?! WATCH OUT DAVE!!!! THE ALIEN HAS A ROBOT FRIEND!!!

Dr. Malicious: Yes, now you know my terrible secret! The real Dr. Malicious died many years ago, however he was able to transfer his consciousness into this prototype robot shell and...

Steve: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! WE DON'T CARE!!

Vorthon: Go back to fighting!

Dr. Malicious: Very well. I shall give the masses what they want!

Dr. Malicious picks up his arm and puts it back on.

Dave: Oh come on!

Dr. Malicious suddenly uses super robot strength and year 2035 technology to overpower Dave and press him against a wall. He is being choked!

Dave: Oh no ... my throat ... I need that for weed smoking....

Steve: Dave needs our help!

Steve runs over and starts ripping tin foil off Dr. Malicious while he's busy using his arms to strangle Dave.

Vorthon: I'll help too!

Mr. Sandwich: You damn well better believe I'm gonna help!

Pizza Man: I want a part of this!

Everyone including the elderly residents and nurses and janitor and staff all run over and start ripping what ever tin foil and parts they can off of Dr. Malicious!

Dr. Malicious continues to strangle Dave and can't defend himself from the others or Dave will break free!

Evil Colleague #3: Eat coffee jabberwocky!

Evil Colleague #3 throws hot coffee in the now exposed circuits of Dr. Malicious!

Everyone else joins in by throwing pancake syrup and ketchup and other things in his exposed circuitry.

Dr. Malicious finally backs off and is now essentially robot naked and covered in food and is sparking up big time! Smoke is coming out of him and more parts fall off.

Dr. Malicious: smurf!!!!

Dave: Thanks guys! I think I got it from here!

Dave charges at Dr. Malicious and tackles him as more parts fly all over. Dave then rips the robot head off the body and holds it in his hand.

Dr. Malicious: This .... *cough* ... isn't over.

Evil Colleague #2: Wait ... did that robot head just cough?

Dr. Malicious: I have been programmed to .... *choke* ... simulate coughing and choking upon deactivation.

Dave: Sorry dude ... I kind of had no choice but to wreck you up.

Dr. Malicious: This isn't over .....

Dr. Malicious makes a powering down noise and his eyes grow dim. Dave crushes the robot head in his hand for good measure.

Steve: Well thank goodness that's over.

Cut to the room of Dr. Malicious on the 5th floor. We show all sorts of technology and computers and blinking lights. Suddenly the largest computer activates.

Large Computer: Unit 1 has been deactivated .... transferring consciousness into unit 2...

Suddenly we see glowing red eyes in the corner of the room as a large robot activates.

Dr. Malicious: Unit 2 online ...

This new and larger robot stands up and is far more formidable than the tin foil model. He is large and heavy and looks like he could make Iron Man his jabberwocky.

Dr. Malicious: Incomplete .... lacking titanium armour ... no matter. The stoner must pay for what he has done.

Dr. Malicious lifts his enormous metal arms and slams down on the floor causing it to give way! He collapses through floor after floor until he finds himself in the ground floor looking into the kitchen.

Dave: Ummm ... another robot ... and bigger.

Dr. Malicious: I have returned! You may have bested my first unit, however that was just a placeholder to this grand design!

Dave: *sigh* before we do this ... are you the last one?

Dr. Malicious: Yes. But it matters not! For this unit can not be stopped!

Steve: Oh crap ... just like everyone else in my family I met back up with ... Dave's gonna die too!

Mr. Sandwich: Stop being such a bummer.

Dave throws a bunch of super strength punches and kicks at the new bulky robot form of Dr. Malicious. He is only able to cause minor damage such as dents and dings.

Dr. Malicious: Not bad! My new unit is quite strong and well constructed despite lacking my titanium armour shell!

Dave throws another punch but Dr. Malicious catches it in his giant hand! Dr. Malicious then uses his other arm and throws a downwards punch of his own! The giant robot's fist and arm combined with the tremendous force and weight of the punch causes Dave to collapse and get flattened into the floor leaving a small crater!

Steve: DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone looks down at Dave's lifeless body.

Mr. Sandwich is crying and holding a tissue.

Dr. Malicious: I have been victorious! Now to terminate the primary target, Steve Mann!

The large bulky robot begins to turn around but is suddenly interrupted.

Dave: Not so fast!

Dave gets up and brushes the dust off himself and looks completely fine.

Dr. Malicious: What the....

Dave: That wasn't cool man.

Everyone begins to cheer on Dave! Dave runs at Dr. Malicious but is knocked down again by a large solid metal fist. Before Dave can get up he's stepped on a bunch of times by this massive robot with the weight of 5 transport trucks.

Crowd (disappointed): Oh...

Dr. Malicious: Perfect! No force can withstand the genius robot creation of Dr. Malicious! Not even that of a surprisingly strong stoner! Seriously, why was he so strong?

Dave once again gets up, cleans himself off and removes some floor tiles from his pants and is once again fine with no blemishes.

Dave: Is that all you got dude? Cause this is getting boring.

Dr. Malicious: Oh come on!!!!

Dr. Malicious is now quite pissed and runs at Dave while the crowd cheers Dave on! The cheers quickly fade as Dr. Malicious rains down punches with his enormous metal fists causing Dave to be completely smashed into the floor!

Dr. Malicious: YOU WILL DIE NOW FOR MAKING A MOCKERY OF MY GENIUS ROBOT!!!

Dr. Malicious punches and punches as Dave's body, again and again with relentless force and then stops and looks down. Dave is not moving at all.

Steve: Dave!!!!!

Dr. Malicious: Muahahahahaa!!!!

Steve thinks fast and throws a slice of pizza at Dave's lifeless body. As the pizza flies just above Dave, he instantly catches it.

Dr. Malicious: ...what

Dave is now on his feet and once again looks fine.

Dave: This pizza is yummy!

Dr. Malicious: !!!

~~ as the night goes on, Dave keeps getting beat up and then back to his feet only to be beat up again and again and again and again ...

More joints are being passed around and now there's fried chicken being distributed.

Dave stands up after just getting pulverized for at least the 100th time. Dr. Malicious is so mad that there's steam escaping from some vents on the robot.

Dave: Hello.

Dr. Malicious: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Dr. Malicious runs over at a noticeably slower pace and then throws sluggish looking punches to knock Dave down once again. Dave quickly gets back up and is fine as always.

Dave: Can someone throw me a fried chicken leg?

Dr. Malicious: HOW ABOUT A BIG METAL ROBOT LEG!?!

Dr. Malicious throws a very slow robot kick which is dodged easily.

Dave catches a piece of chicken and begins eating.

Dr. Malicious: THIS IS FIGHTING TIME, NOT EATING TIME!!!!

Dr. Malicious throws very slow punches and Dave keeps effortlessly avoiding them while eating and smoking weed.

Dr. Malicious: HOW ARE YOU MOVING THIS FAST!??! THIS ROBOT IS DESIGNED FOR ULTIMATE SPEED!

Dave: Ummmm.... you keep moving slower and slower dude.

We cut to what Dr. Malicious sees which is like a transparent computer screen overlay that reads "Battery Power 1%"

Dr. Malicious: CONFOUND IT!!! I HAVE DRAINED MY ROBOT'S RESOURCES DURING THAT EXTENDED PERIOD WHEN I WAS PUMMELING YOU MERCILESSLY!

Dave: ... maybe you also drained it using too many words.

Dr. Malicious lifts his enormous metal hand and his index finger top pops open to reveal a plug.

Dr. Malicious: Must get to .... wall socket....

Dr. Malicious very slowly makes it to a wall socket to recharge.

Dr. Malicious: Just need a few seconds to get adequate amount of power back....

Dr. Malicious makes it to the wall socket and begins to put the plug into the outlet but is thwarted by .... little plastic covers over the socket holes.

Dr. Malicious: WHAT IS THIS TINY PLASTIC MENACE OBSTRUCTING MY ONLY AVENUE OF OPPORTUNITY?!!?!

Mr. Sandwich: Oh, some old people here are really senile and crazy and like to lick the wall sockets so we had to put those child safety things on them.

Dr. Malicious: CHILD SAFETY THINGS?!??!??!!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........................

As the robot's long and drawn out NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO continues it grows weaker and faint and slower. The robot then collapses backwards and further away from the wall socket and appears to be completely shut down now.

Dave: Well that was fun but damn, it's getting late and there's a new Dr. Who on tonight.

Steve: Stay here and watch it with us man!

Other residents cheer this idea.

Mr. Sandwich: Sorry guys, for some reason the cable is dead in this entire building....

Everyone boos.

Steve: Damn it Mr. Sandwich, you really are an balloon knot!

Mr. Sandwich: smurf you too!

Mr. Sandwich and his colleagues leave and as do some other elderly residents as it's getting late and everyone is tired and way too high.

Dave rips the robot apart and puts a bunch of pieces in his car and sits in his vehicle and is about to say goodbye to Steve and Vorthon outside.

Vorthon: What are you going to do with all those robot parts???

Dave: Make bongs out of it.

Steve: You saved the day, brother! Are you going to be a super hero again now?

Dave: I dunno man ... I don't really think that's my calling. I really have fun hanging out in my secret cabin and getting stoned and playing video games or watching TV shows.

Steve: Alright. Well ummmm ... we should hang out again sometime!

Dave: Sure thing man! But right now I gotta go or I'll miss the new episode!!

Dave speeds off into the distance.

Steve: Vorthon!

Vorthon: What?

Steve: He didn't die! It's a happy ending finally!

Steve grabs Vorthon's hands and begins to dance around. Suddenly Steve's leg gives out and he falls over.

Steve: smurf!

~~~meanwhile at the secret lab of Dr. Malicious~~

Large Computer: Unit 2 has been deactivated .... transferring consciousness into best available source...

Looking around the room filled with computers and science stuff, we see a single red light come on a small round flat robotic vacuum cleaner and it move around cleaning the room.

The vacuum has a single tear in it's red light area.

The End.

[Afivesumpl]

It's really exciting Post your great never met anyone out to much information as you can.