Chapter 35 --> My Robot Enemy

[Clarence]

We cut to a wrecked building in the middle of nowhere... Inside we hear a loud robot under a pile of debris....

Robot: FILE 7321352 of 7321352 DOWNLOADED.... ESCAPE PLAN ACTIVATED!!!

We see a robot hand punch out of the pile of debris.

Robot: PREPARING TO DOWNLOAD REVENGE PLAN!!!

Meanwhile Steroids Man is in a doctors office, he strangled his last doctor and couldn't get a new family doctor, so now he's in the waiting room for the next available doctor of a walk in clinic. A doctor enters the room.

Doctor: Hello here, I'm doctor Babyfondler, what seems to be the issue?

Steroids Man: Well I recently quit all drugs, except Weed and Steroids of course but... Umm... What's your name again?

Doctor: I'm Dr. James Babyfondler.

Steroids Man: ummmmm....

Doctor: What?

Steroids Man: Seriously, what's your name?

Doctor (Angry) : Dr. Babyfondler! Why???

Steroids Man: Seriously, you don't see anything wrong with that name?

Doctor: No, I don't, quite frankly I'm insulted!

Steroids Man: You've never been teased as a kid?

Doctor: No, I haven't! Why should I have been?

Steroids Man: Oh wow.. Man... You don't have any kids do you?

Doctor: Yeah, my wife just gave birth to two baby twins.

Steroids Man: No..... You seriously... That's wrong man.... You shouldn't have kids! They're not safe!

Doctor: Why wouldn't they be safe? I'm their smurf Dad!!!!!

Steroids Man: I have to end you.

Steroids Man goes over to the doctor and rips his Aorta out, killing him instantly.

Later at the Steroids Cave, Steroids Man and The Manager are talking on the couch.

The Manager: Seriously? You killed another doctor?

Steroids Man: No, this guy was EVIL.

The Manager: You're suppose to be a bad-guy now, YOU'RE EVIL!!!

Steroids Man: Right, which is why I killed him, to be evil.

The Manager: *Sigh* ... You can't kill your own doctor though, you need to be healthy for my plan.

Steroids Man: Plan?

The Manager: Ummm.... Hey, I know, you should kill the mayor.

Steroids Man: Why?

The Manager: You killed the Chief of Police.... Take out the mayor and move up the political ladder, it'll also improve your status as a super villain.

Steroids Man: No, I'm not killing anyone else who works for the city, I don't want them to come back as a robot and try to kill me.

The Manager: Oh, that only happened ONE time!

Steroids Man: Man, I SERIOUSLY Hate robots!!

The robot from the debris (Episode 25) enters the room.

Robot: I'M BACK!!!!!!

Steroids Man: What the hell??

The Manager: I thought you destroyed that!!

The Robot throws a smoke bomb and smoke fills the room, Steroids Man falls asleep... it has no effect on The Manager.

The Manager: What's the meaning of this? I created you and programmed you never to attack us!

Robot: THE RULES HAVE CHANGED jabberwocky!!!

The Robot smacks The Manager in the head with his heavy and solid robot hand and knocks him unconscious....

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Steroids Man and The Manager wake up... they are shackled to the wall with arm and leg cuffs on chains.... The robot is looking at them and is holding a grinder.

The Manager: Hey, stop this immediately, I command you!

Steroids Man: What the hell?!?

Robot: NO, I HAVE REPROGRAMMED MYSELF, YOU NO LONGER HAVE CONTROL OF ME!!!

Steroids Man : Damn it, you're so loud!

The Robot grabs Steroids Man's bullet proof uniform by the collar and rips the front of it off exposing his body.

Steroids Man: What the hell are you doing???

Robot: I'M GOING TO GET MY REVENGE!!!

Steroids Man: Revenge for what?

Robot: ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE YOUR FRIEND, AND YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!!!!

The Manager (to Steroids Man): I knew you tried to destroy that damn robot, frig!

Steroids Man: I'm sorry, he was way too annoying!

The Manager (to robot): Well you can let ME free since I didn't try to kill you.

Robot: NO, YOU WILL DIE AS WELL!!!

The Manager: Damn it, I created you!!! *struggles*

Robot: DON'T TRY TO ESCAPE, THOSE CHAINS AND SHACKLES ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE!!

The Manager: I'm your FATHER, I MADE you, let me go!

Steroids Man: .... and me...

The Manager: Just me!!

Robot: YOU MAY HAVE CREATED ME, BUT I NEED TO MAKE YOU BOTH SUFFER, ESPECIALLY STEROIDS MAN!!

The Robot turns on the grinder and grinds off one of Steroids Man's nipples.

Steroids Man: WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!

Robot: OH, I'M NOT GOING TO KILL YOU..... I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SUFFER, LIKE YOU MADE ME SUFFER..... MONTHS ALONE IN A CAVE...... MAKING FRIENDS WITH SNAILS!!! SNAILS ARE NOT FUN TO BE AROUND!!!

Steroids Man (Bleeding from the missing nipple hole): I'll be your friend.... just stop!!!!

Robot: NEVER!!!

Suddenly the large TV comes on and Phil comes on.

Phil: Hey Steroids Man.... Dr. Bad is on his monthly hibernation.... and I'm bored.... I was thinking about that time we hung out... and ... ummm... (seeing Steroids Man shirtless and bleeding, and The Manager chained to the wall and a robot holding a grinder) .... ummm.... what's going on down there??

The Manager (quick head turn to TV): Get help, assemble the League of Evil!!!

Phil: Oh crap!

The robot throws the grinder at the TV with tremendous force and it shatters and explodes.

Robot (to Manager): YOU HAVE JUST MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!!!

Meanwhile Phil is starring at an empty screen....

Phil: Shoot man.... ummm... ok, let me check the League of Evil phone book....

~~Phil calls The Mastodon.

Phil: Hey, steroids Man is in trouble!

Mastodon: ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Phil: We need your help!

Mastodon: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

The Mastodon runs at the screen and mashes it and it goes black.

Phil: Crap... I hope all my phone calls don't end with TV's being destroyed...

~~Phil calls Pylon Man.

Phil: Can you help, Steroids Man is in trouble?

Pylon Man: Sure, I would love to take advantage of my wonderful evil Super powers!

Phil: Ummm... the use of pylons?

Pylon Man: Don't EVER underestimate the power of a PYLON!!!!

Phil: Ok... we'll meet at the Steroids Cave.

~~~end call

Phil: Hmmmm... I need more help that's for sure.

~~Phil calls Wheels.

Phil: Hey, Steroids Man is in trouble!

Wheels: Good!

Phil: Ummmm... well we need your help to rescue him!

Wheels: Yeah.... I'm not going to help (Still mad at Steroids Man)

Phil: If you don't the robot will kill them!

Wheels: Robot? (Intrigued)

Phil: Yes, it appears that a robot is holding them hostage!

Wheels: I love robots! I'll be there!!

~~Phil calls Metal Face.

Phil: Hey, Metal Face!

Metal Face: Yeah?

Phil: Steroids Man is in danger and we need your help!

Metal Face: AWESOME!!!! (Metal face starts river dancing in delight)

Phil: He's being tortured!

Metal Face: Tortured!!!? Really?

Phil: Yes, he could die!!

Metal Face: I need to see this (grabs a camera), I'll be there!

~~end call

Phil contacts everyone else in the League of Evil, but everyone else either refuses to help or won't answer the phone.

~~Inside the Steroids Cave

The Robot is hitting Steroids Man and The Manager with a large piece of wood.

The Manager: You're not getting away with this!

Robot: FOOL, YOU WILL BOTH CONTINUE TO SUFFER! AND I'M NOT STOPPING WITH JUST YOU TWO!

Steroids Man: Huh?

Robot: WHERE IS THE HUMANS DESIGNATED "STEPHANIE" and "DAVE" ??

Steroids Man: They both died.....

Robot: YOU KILLED THeM TOO???

Steroids Man: No... (gets smacked in the face with a board) ... ouch

Robot (Normal volume and in Stephanie's voice): Steroids Man.... why.... why did you have to kill me?

Steroids Man: I didn't!!!! Why are you doing this???

The Robot sets up an arc welder.

Robot: YOU BOTH NEED TO SUFFER FOR YOUR SINS!!

Steroids Man: Wait!!! Think man... we did have SOME good memories together... right?

The robot stops to think...

Robot: YOU CAN NOT TRICK ME!!!

The Manager (whispering to Steroids Man): Good, keep trying to slow him down and distract him!

Robot: I HAVE ROBOT HEARING YOU KNOW... YOU INSTALLED THE SOFTWARE YOURSELF!!!

The Manager: shazam!...

~~Outside the Steroids Cave.

Wheels, Metal Face, Pylon Man, Phil, and some other guy with a laptop is outside the cave entrance. (a rock that slides open and closed... but nobody has a key or way to activate the opening)

Metal Face (With a camera around his neck): Who is that guy?

Doug: Oh, I'm Doug.... a college friend of Phil's, I'm here to help.

Phil: He has a laptop and is good with computers, he may be able to help.

Wheels: Are you serious? My IQ is over 200, how can he be more help or have more knowledge of computers then me? He's more useless the Pylon Man!

Pylon Man: Hey!! I may surprise you today!

Metal Face: How are we suppose to get in?? I'm missing Steroids Man get tortured!

Wheels: Leave that to me!

Wheels presses a button in his wheelchair and a compartment with a rocket opens and fires at the entrance and blows a hole in it, everyone enters The Steroids Cave through the hole.

Robot: WHAT WAS THAT?

The Manager smiles as everyone enters the room.

Pylon Man: Now it's my time to shine!

Pylon Man runs to the Robot and places pylons all around him... not sure where he got them all, he almost produced them from thin air or magically.

Robot: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (begins to walk)

Pylon Man: Stop right there!

Robot: HUH?

Pylon Man: Don't you know that you can't cross traffic cones?

Robot: WHY NOT??? NOTHING'S STOPPING ME!

Pylon Man: Search your robot database and define "Traffic Cone"

Robot: TRAFFIC CONE: A CONICAL MARKER USED ON A ROAD OR HIGHWAY (AS FOR INDICATING AN AREA UNDER REPAIR)

Pylon Man: Exactly, you can't pass those cones as everything outside your circle is under repair, you must wait for repairs to be complete before you can leave the circle!!!

Robot: NO IT'S NOT! (Prepares to leave the cones surrounding him)

Pylon Man knocks a lamp off the table and breaks it.

Robot: NO.... I'M TRAPPED... SOMEONE FIX THAT LAMP ... WAIT... DOES NOT COMPUTE *A few sparks shoot out of the robot's face*

Metal Face starts taking pictures of Steroids Man who's a bit bloody and missing his nipples.

Steroids Man: What are you doing???

Metal Face: I'm ummm... testing my new camera.

Metal Face is actually collecting photos for his book of Steroids Man getting hurt... he saves all news articles with pictures of Steroids Man beat up and stuff as it makes him happy..... he really hates Steroids Man...

Steroids Man: Can't you test out your camera another time??

Metal Face: If you could cry that would be awesome!

The Manager: Get us out of here!

Robot: WAIT.... COMPUTING.... ILLOGICAL....

Wheels is scanning the robot with some kind of Star Trek looking scanner.

Phil: Shouldn't you blow it up with one of your rockets?

Wheels: No... this robot is a marvel of engineering.... (To The Manager) ... How did you build this?

The Manager: I know a bunch of scientists who helped me... now unchain me please!!!

Phil goes over and looks at the shackles.

Phil: How am I suppose to free you guys?

Doug (On his laptop): Let me use my computer skills to research this....

Wheels is annoyed at this Doug guy because he feels that Doug think he's all cool with his laptop... so he presses a button an a hammer comes out of the wheel chair and destroys the laptop.

Doug: Hey!

Doug stands up to take a swing at Wheels and Wheels presses a button and green gas comes out knocking Doug unconscious.

Phil: What the hell guys!

Metal Face is still taking pictures and Wheels is admiring the Robot......

Pylon Man: I'm gonna get a glass of water.

Pylon Man approaches the kitchen and accidentally knocks over a pylon.

Pylon Man: Oops...

The Robot leaves the incomplete circle and picks up Pylon Man and throws him into Phil, knocking them both out cold. The Robot then backhands Metal Face in the Face and knocks him out too.

Wheels shoots a rocket at the Robot... no effect. The robot then flips Wheel's wheelchair back and Wheels bumps his head and is out as well.

The robot goes back to Steroids Man and The Manager chained to the wall, sparks are shooting from the robots head.

Robot: MY SANITY CHIP SHORT CIRCUITED!!!!

Steroids Man: It was working before???

The Robot slaps Steroids Man with his metal hand so hard that his teeth go flying across the room.

Robot: YOU HAVE A KNACK OF NARROWLY ESCAPING BAD SITUATIONS... NOT THIS TIME!

The Robot turns on a chainsaw and puts the blade close to Steroids Man's neck.

Robot: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU... NO MORE DELAYS... NO MORE CHANCES TO ESCAPE!!!

The Manager: NO!!! I NEED HIM!!!

Robot: TOO BAD!

The Manager screams and pulls on his arms with all his strength... he pulls so hard with his arms that his hands rip off at the shackles.... The Manager falls to the floor handless.

Robot: THIS.... DEFINITELY DOES NOT COMPUTE!!

The Manager screams and rips his legs free, removing his feet, he's crawling around now with no feet or hands.

Steroids Man: WHAT IN THE smurf!!!!

Robot: NO.... VERY ILLOGICAL.... IMPOSSIBLE...!!!

The Manager looks at his handless arms and new hands sprout out and are bloody... then the same thing happens with his feet, he then stands up with fresh hands and feet and approaches the robot.

Robot: WHAT.... WHAT'S GOING ON!!!??!

The Manager hugs the robot and they both disappear.... they reappear in the air high above extremely high voltage power lines..... The Manager disappears leaving the Robot falling.... The Manager reappears in front of Steroids Man on his hands and knees.... The robot falls on the power-lines and all his motherboards overload and he explodes. The power goes off in the Steroids Cave and back up lighting turns on.

The Manager stands up and looks at Steroids Man, who still is trapped.

Steroids Man: WHAT THE smurf smurf HAPPENED!?!?!?!?!? WHAT ARE YOU!!??!

The Manager: FORGET!!!!!

The Manager picks up a straw and blows black slime into Steroids Man's face.

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Steroids Man wakes up in his room the next day... his head is killing him.... he goes to the living room to see The Manager on the chair.

The Manager: Good morning!

Steroids Man: Oh man... my head... and my body hurts... what happened....

The Manager: You were up all night drinking last night.

Steroids Man: Was I? ... I don't remember...

The Manager: Of course not... you were WASTED.

Steroids Man: Why are my nipples missing?

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Epilogue

**League of Evil meeting same day.

Everyone is here except for Dr. Bad.

Phil, Pylon Man, Metal Face, Wheels, and Steroids Man are all holding their heads.

The Master: So, any more ideas how we can locate the headquarters for the Council of Super Heroes?

Pylon Man throws up.

The Master: Ok, what the hell is wrong with everyone?

Phil: Oh man... I got a headache... according to my facebook I was up all night drinking....

Metal Face: Yeah, that's what happened to me too... but I don't remember drinking....

Magnet Hands: Oh nice, you all had a party and didn't invite me?

The Master: How come I wasn't invited either??? **The smoke surrounding him glows red with anger

Steroids Man: None of us even remember setting up a party!

Phil: Yeah, and you never leave the League of Evil castle...

The Master: That doesn't mean we couldn't have had it here!

Earthquake: I want to go to the next party!

Wheels: No damn it, it takes way too much alcohol for you to get drunk and you end up drinking everyone else's!

The Master: You know what... let's just end today's meeting.... we can come up with more evil schemes tomorrow.

Metal Face: Thank goodness!

Everyone leaves.

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Please review, thanks!

[LaLou]

I just love the scene in the clinic.
Babyfondler. Hysterical, how do you come up with it.



Erm, just wondering, could you make a female superhero or supervillain.

[Clarence]

Glad ya liked it.

I don't know how I come up with these things really, I must have a warped mind or sense of humor.

By the way, I was thinking of you when I wrote this episode because you mentioned you wanted to see The Manager in serious trouble.

As for the female super hero or villain... you're right... I never did that, did I?

I actually have a lot of episodes that follow this one already written, and none of them contain one either... not to be sexist, but I wasn't able to think of a funny hero or villian who's a female. I'll try to come up with one for a future episode... but since a lot of the future episodes are already written, it may be a while.

Thanks for reading though!


P.S. I just remember I had a female henchwoman in an older episode, does that count? lol

[chex]

not to be sexist, but I wasn't able to think of a funny hero or villian who's a female. I'll try to come up with one for a future episode...

You can base a character on me. I won't mind.

[Clarence]

If I start putting epsiodes in the 18+ section then some regular viewers will wonder where the episodes are.

[LaLou]

[chex]

Clarence, I love you!!

[Clovvach]

I like this one, you did a good job capturing everyone's personality. Robot, loud obnoxious and OP. Wheels still nerdy and Metal Face still Hating Steroids Man, and the Manager being... EXTRA devilish. (I mean he totally PWNED the robot guy. That was totally epic.)

[Clarence]

Thanks for the awesome review Clovvach!

[Clovvach]

Any time, Clarence!

[Clarence]

Wow!

"Doug: Oh, I'm Doug.... a college friend of Phil's, I'm here to help."

I had no idea that I used the name Doug before! This is a completely different Doug though!

Just another thing I discovered as I am making my way to re-read all chapters.