At the Council of Super Heroes ~~
Ultra Man is hanging up a phone.
Ultra Man: Damn it! The Alaskan Beach Surfer is dead!
Half Man half Speedboat: shazam!! Steroids Man keeps killing all the super heroes, we're running out of options!!
Robo Obama: We need SOMEONE to kill Steroids Man! Will any of you answer the call?
All the members of the Council of Super Heroes get silent and look at each other.... except for one person...
Hawk Eyes (Standing out of his seat) : LET ME DO IT! *extreme confidence*
Ultra Man: No... no... you're not a real super hero..... really.
Invisible Man: You have no powers!
Hawk Eyes: Have you SEEN the things that I can look at!
Ultra Man: Oh frig.... really good eye sight isn't a super power!
Robo Obama: This is a crisis and The President has requested that ONE of you attempt to stop Steroids Man!
Ultra Man: Oh....
Nobody but Hawk Eyes seems enthused.
Hawk Eyes: Let me at him... I KNOW I will be the one to end him!
Everyone agrees as they don't want to face Steroids Man.
Hawk Eyes: Finally.... finally a use for my epic powers.
Ultra Man: Oh boy...
Hawk Eyes thinks and flashes back to when he first realized he has super powers.
%%%Hawk Eyes is 15 and his parents have taken him to an eye exam... his first ever eye exam. He's just a regular boy and doesn't have his costume yet.
Optometrist: Ok, can you see these letters?
Hawk Eyes (Looking though the machine): Yes... I can see them all... everyone of them!
The test concludes.
Optometrist: Well, you don't need glasses, that's for sure. You have the best eye sight I have seen all morning.
Hawk Eyes (Looking at his hands): My God.......... these powers...... what am I going to do with these powers!
The 15 year old boy goes around and picks up things in the room and looks at them.
Optometrist: You should leave now.
Hawk Eyes: I don't know if I'm ready for this responsibility... will I use these powers wisely... or will they corrupt me? I can't let this gift go to waste.
Optometrist: Please leave.
###End of flashback.
Hawk Eyes is just standing up out of his seat and starring blankly...
Ultra Man: You can go now.
Hawk Eyes goes to a news station in full costume and calls Steroids Man out, and then goes through the city looking for him.
Hawk Eyes walks through crowds of people, at one point he is looking up at the sky and bumps into Steroids Man, but neither of them notice each other and keep walking, Hawk Eyes still looks at the sky.
Hawk Eyes: Look.... another hawk is looking at me..... if only he knew that I can see him back because of my POWER.
It's a pigeon.
Hawk Eyes continues to look at what he believes to be hawks and isn't paying attention to where he's walking and trips off the sidewalk and scrapes his knee.
Hawk Eyes: smurf!!!!!
Everyone on the street looks.
Hawk Eyes: Ummm... (Plays cool) I must look for people to save! (enters a restaurant)
There's an elderly couple looking at the menu at the Olive Garden.
Old Man: Oh dear... I can't read this menu item.... what does it say?
Old Lady: I can't read it either, let me get out my glasses.
Hawk Eyes loudly goes over to the table.
Hawk Eyes: No need to use your glasses, HAWK EYES IS HERE!
Old Man: OWWW you scared me!
Old Lady (Clutching heart): My pace-maker!!
Hawk Eyes holds up the menu close to his face and reads it.
Hawk Eyes: Spaghetti and Meatballs......
Hawk Eyes lowers the menu and has a look of shock on his face.
Hawk Eyes: My POWERS........ there's nothing I can't do.... LOOK AT ALL THE WORDS I CAN READ!
Old Lady (crying): You're scaring me!
The Manager of the restaurant comes over.
Store Manager: Ok sir, you have to leave, you're scaring the customers.
Hawk Eyes: You can't ask me to leave, all I'm doing is helping people!
Store Manager: All you're doing is reading to people... one of our waitresses can do that for them.
Hawk Eyes: Yeah they can... but can they see letters like I see them???
Store Manager: A lot of people have really good eye sight, it's no big deal.... is that all you can do?
Hawk Eyes: Oh, I can do so much more, check this out!
Hawk Eyes opens his eyes wide and stares at him.
Store Manager: What the hell are you doing?
Hawk Eyes: Can't you feel me looking at you... with my EYES.
Store Manager: ummm...
Hawk Eyes: Look into my eyes.... look CLOSELY as I look at you with my EYES and know that no matter how hard you look at me, that I can look at you so much better!
Store Manager: What the...
Hawk Eyes: How does it feel to be stared at with such deadly accurate precision and fierce ferocity!!! How does it feel to be burned alive!!
Store Manager: If you don't leave I'm calling the cops.
Hawk Eyes: Perhaps you need another demonstration of my POWER.
Store Manager: No...
Hawk Eyes: BEHOLD!!!!
Hawk Eyes turns around, hunches over, and puts his hand over his eyes and reads a sign.
Hawk Eyes: "No Smoking" !!!
Hawk Eyes immediately turns around with a look of astonishment on his face.
Hawk Eyes: You can't buy miracles like these..... these are only in fairy tales... SURELY you believe now.
Store Manager: You read a smurf no smoking sign across the room... and it was under the No Smoking symbol!
Hawk Eyes: You are an evil man with no beliefs..... let me show you some more... see that even FURTHER away sign?
Store Manager: The other "No Smoking" sign?
Hawk Eyes: Yes, BEHOLD! (Hawk Eyes turns around and bends down and looks at it really hard)
The Store Manager kicks him in the bottom.
Hawk Eyes: Hey!
Store Manager: You didn't SEE that coming, did ya?
Everyone in the restaurant laughs and Hawk Eyes just drops his head and walks out of the restaurant shamefully.
Hawk Eyes is walking down the street.
Hawk Eyes: They're just jealous.... they can't cut a M&M in half and see the inside with tremendous detail!
Suddenly a red blur bumps into Hawk Eyes.
Hawk Eyes: Watch where you're going!!! Don't you know who I am?!?! I am the LEGENDARY HAWK EYES!!!
Steroids Man: Oh man... are you the guy on TV who said he could kill me?
Hawk Eyes: I have been gifted........ I can stare at the sun and hardly squint... I have the power of SUPER VISION.... if you knew my powers....... POWERS that if fell in the wrong hands could have DEADLY results.... I can see things like salt on a white piece of paper....
Steroids Man gets bored and slaps Hawk Eyes in the face while Hawk Eyes is in mid-sentence.
Hawk Eyes (Holding his jaw): OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Steroids Man: Ok... you are officially the worst super hero I have ever fought...
Hawk Eyes: You won't be saying that when I STARE you into a coma!!!
Hawk Eyes begins starring and Steroids Man slaps him in the other cheek.
Hawk Eyes: OUCH!!!! Damn it!!!! My sensitive tooth!
Hawk Eyes looks up and Steroids Man is GONE.
Hawk Eyes: No... this is not possible.... NOTHING or NOBODY has ever escaped my field of vision.... what kind of powers does this man have... how can they rival my own?
Hawk Eyes sits down on a park bench that has "Wet Paint" signs on it and mopes...
Hawk Eyes: I can't let myself get defeated by a mere MORTAL..... I'm pretty sure he's never seen how beautiful a calculator can be on the inside when you take it apart and have PERFECT VISION!!
~~~
Reporter: Does Hawk Eyes have the vision he claims to have?
Optometrist: He has pretty good vision.. above average... ummmm.... not phenomenal... I have had 3 people today with better vision than him....
~~~
Hawk Eyes stands up off the bench and has white lines on the fur on his costume.
Hawk Eyes: I think I may need a drink for confidence...
Hawk Eyes crosses the street and narrowly avoids a bus crashing into him, he enters a pub and has a seat and orders a beer, and seems very sad and talks to the bartender.
Bartender: What's wrong bud?
Hawk Eyes entered the bar clean-shaven... but somehow now has a stubble.
Hawk Eyes (Drinking): I've been DEFEATED! Oh man... the sweet, sweet taste of defeat is more bitter then that time I licked a brick I found on the road on a hot summer day.
Bartender: That's your last beer.
Hawk Eyes: Listen...... I'm not exaggerating when I say that I am the most powerful super hero who has EVER lived..... do you understand?
Bartender: No... you're not...
Hawk Eyes: I am more powerful then ANY super hero who has EVER lived... PAST, PRESENT, and FUTURE... in any alternate dimension or time-line or reality.... even in fiction or dreams and imaginings.... nothing has ever or will ever compare to me....
Bartender: I think you have head problems.
Hawk Eyes: Come closer!!
Hawk Eyes looks at a button on the Bartender's shirt.
Hawk Eyes: "Jordache"
Bartender: ??
Hawk Eyes: I have read that off your button... you would have spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE wondering what it said if it wasn't for me..... (Whispers loudly) NOW YOU CAN LIVE .... EMBRACE THE NEW LIFE YOU HAVE ENTERED...
The Bartender pulls out a shot gun.
Bartender: You need to leave now son!
Hawk Eyes: I can SEE that you have too much compassion to shoot me.... plus how can you shoot anyone when you hear the laughter of a child?
Hawk Eyes starts laughing like a little kid and gets shot in the shoulder.
Hawk Eyes: smurf!!!!
Hawk Eyes tries to leave and gets a bottle thrown at his face.
Bartender: And don't EVER come back!
Hawk Eyes stumbles down the street... looking defeated... drunk and with a full beard.... tripping all over... covered in broken glass and dripping wet with beer and has the white paint lines on his hawk costume.
Hawk Eyes pulls out a Kevin Costner bobble head out of his pocket.
Hawk Eyes (Looking at it): Why.... why have you Forsaken me Moses?
Hawk Eyes receives a phone call, it's Hawk Eyes's wife.
Wife: I'm leaving you.
son: We don't love you anymore Daddy!
Suddenly he gets knocked over and falls to the ground... there's groceries falling all over.
Man: Crap!! You made me spill all my groceries!!!
Hawk Eyes stands up.
Hawk Eyes: If that's the WORST thing that EVER happened to you then you are BLESSED!!!!
Hawk Eyes Realizes he's talking to Steroids Man, and it was Steroids Man's groceries that spilled out.
Hawk Eyes: Oh crap...
Steroids Man: Oh man, not this princess sophia again.
Hawk Eyes: You ruined my life.... I had EVERYTIHNG before I met you.... and now it's all GONE!!
Steroids Man: Why do you look so dirty and terrible.... I only ran into you like 5 minutes ago before I went in the grocery store...
Hawk Eyes: I had a gift ... and look what happened to me!!!
Steroids Man: What gift?
Hawk Eyes: THE VISION OF A HAWK DAMN IT!!! SEE THE COSTUME???
Steroids Man: I don't think your vision is better then mine.
Hawk Eyes: Are you smurf with me?
Steroids man: No... I actually inject steroids into my eyes... and my eye muscles are super strong.
Hawk Eyes: ...
Steroids Man: Check this out.... that sign over there? Says 1979 Chevelle for sale... call 555-5454
Hawk Eyes looks at it and squints....
Hawk Eyes: Nobody can read that!
Hawk Eyes goes over and confirms Steroids Man was accurate.
Hawk Eyes: No..... *throws up all over him self....
Steroids Man: Are you... ok?
Hawk Eyes: I'm going to drown myself in this tiny puddle that formed since it rained recently...
Hawk Eyes attempts to drown himself by pushing his face in a very tiny puddle and cuts his face on tiny rocks.
Steroids Man: Oh man this is hard to watch.... get up man.
Hawk Eyes (Looking at Steroids Man) : Why????
Steroids Man clutches his heart and attempts some bad acting to spare Hawk Eyes's feelings.
Steroids Man: OWWW my heart!!!
Hawk Eyes: ?
Steroids Man: My heart... you're starring at me so hard that my lungs are sore!!
Hawk Eyes (Excited): Really?????
Steroids Man: Yes... oh no... you defeated me.... I'm still alive but I must run away now.... also here's some spare change, buy yourself a sandwich and get yourself cleaned up.
Hawk Eyes: I won!!!
Later at the Council of Superheros, a cleaned up Hawk Eyes tells his story.
Hawk Eyes: ...and that's how I defeated Steroids Man.
Ultra Man: But... he's still alive...
Hawk Eyes: YES, but he's DEAD on the inside!
Invisible Man: You basically failed!
Hawk Eyes: Hey, I'm the only super hero to fight Steroids Man and survive, dispute that!
Ultra Man: Seriously.... how did this guy get in our group? Does anybody know?
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