Have you ever...

[Nailbunny]

Before I launch my babbling, I will say right up front that this may not be so much a rant as a venting of pent up feelings and depression. It may or may not make sense and it probably won't follow a rational pattern of thought.

Have you ever felt empty. Like empty in such a way that your days all bleed together into a seemingly meaningless existence. Everyday is a similar routine of wake up, eat, work, eat, sleep and repeat. Nothing seems to bring a single iota of joy to your life. After many days of this, it's starting to wear thin. This isn't meant as a cry for help or anything, I just need to get shazam! out. Anyways, it seems that ,especially recently, my life has lost all form of direction. I spent a little over a month in Toronto with a friend of mine and actually had fun. I have since returned to Saint John and have found that I have slid right back into that train of thought. I'm totally at a loss with what to do with myself. Currently I am trying to find a job so I can save up enough money to move to Toronto. It was quite the experience visiting there and I think living there would be to my advantage. However. It truly feels that to come back to Saint John at all was a mistake. I fear falling into the "crab bucket" and being stuck here. Perhaps my fear of that will give me enough awareness not to let that happen, however the worry is there. The only reason I left Toronto was to attend to certain responsibilities that I have here. They are temporary which leaves me open to move to Toronto, but probably not at least for a year. I do things to wear away the days. I play my guitars, I play video games, spend time here on the forum, facebook, nothing majorly spectacular, just time fillers. All of which at one point were pleasurable experiences. Now it feels like a chore to pick up my guitar and play. At the same time, I would feel even worse off if I did not have my guitars to keep me sane. I think at this point it feels as though music is the only stable part of my existence. Yesterday I went on a rather interesting kayak trip around the lakes by my house. I took some pictures, put them up on facebook, so on and so forth. For the time I was out in the kayak exploring whatever bodies of water I came across, my mind was quiet. It was a nice change. No thoughts yammering away in my head about jobs or money or anything about life in general. It almost makes me want to say smurf it, grab enough stuff that I can safely live on the land for a while and just grab the kayak and get the hell out of the area. I do feel though, that to do so would only temporarily numb this cycle of depression I fall in and out of. It seems that I need to just find something or someone to fill up my life with and such. *sigh* Someday...

[summer]

How old are you? It totally sounds like you are looking for some type of change and are just wasting the days waiting for the change to come. There's a quote that I really like and I think it applies to you, it's by Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see in the world.” Only you can do it, so do it.

[Nailbunny]

I am 23. It seems I having a midlife crisis early lol.

[summer]

You are very young. And this is gonna sound cliche, but you have your whole life ahead of you, do what you can with it and enjoy.

[Wesley]

I had my first mid-life crisis when I was 14. Seriously! I was told to choose what curriculum I wanted to take in high school. How is a 14 year old supposed to know how to map out his education in order to successfully shape the rest of his life?Oh, now that I think of it, I was 13. But guess what? I have had several crises since then, and I recon I am doing just fine. Sure, things could be better, but they could also be worse.

Sorry, kind of took off there.

[Eff]

I think you will feel alot better when you will find a job. i don't think, i know. i just hope it will be an interesting job, with fun ppl around you. Hold on ,our awesome rocker! you will get over it , you're young, you're not married, you are a b e a u t y ,you will do good at life.
Think positive.
Smoke less.

[Giana]

I dont know,i gues everyone of us had a similar crisis,at least one time in their life,and we do find ourselves caught in life,rather then live our life.
I think of it as something normal,cause things arent allways better in our lives,and i have a saying:is not dangerous to fall into the watter and go to the bottom of it,is dangerous to stay there!

[bella]

You wrote that you felt better in Toronto, can you say what it was that made you feel better? If you can sort that out go look for it and try to bring it back into your life. Make sure it's not only the temporary change which made the difference. Moving can be a good new start; sorting out what troubles you helps to not feel the same after a while once you live in another place.
Maybe you just feel really exhausted after finishing your studies (I guessed so because you said you were looking for a job). I hope you can bring back the fun in your life. Some things will find you, others you have to look for. It will get better, I am sure. Keep on rocking.

[Eff]

Some things will find you, others you have to look for.

Bells, that's a ... umm.. briliant!

[Dowster]

Try to enjoy as much as you can while you have the freedom to do so, if your life has no direction at the moment it just means that you are free to do whatever you choose (money allowing). It's really not likely that you'll be on your on forever, and if/when you do get a partner and have kids, any thoughts of your own life and what it's all about pretty much dissappear. Aside from having the same job since I was 17 I never did anything with my life until I was at least 27 - I still lived in my mums house until then, and all I ever did in evenings or weekends was play games, watch flims or go out for a bit of socialising and a large number of drinks (I had no significant or meaningful relationships between the age of 19-27 and outside of work I only had casual friends, I just used to turn up at random places and hang out with whoever was there). Any moment of your life that you spend doing something that you enjoy is not wasted, whatever it may be, things don't need to be significant or part of some big plan to make your time worthwhile, some people spend their whole lives working towards something only to find that they wasted all the time they had to enjoy, and at that point there's pretty much F all they can do about it.

So if the things that you used to find fun are not so enjoyable any more, don't worry too much, keep trying new things and it's likely that something will come up that allows you to make good use of your time. It also sounds like you need a change of scenery, so don't be too put off doing a job that doesn't fit into your career plan, you still have plenty of time to get on the right ladder so for now you can take any old crap as long as it gives you some money to spend on a little time away for yourself every now and then. There is a fine line between having a lack of direction and having freedom, and sometimes it can be hard to motivate yourself when it seems like there is nothing to get motivated for. Just don't worry if you're kind of drifting along for a while, you can have hundreds of days exactly the same and then everything can change in one, it happens to a lot of people and it's very rare for life to be so quiet that no major changes ever occur, unless you shut yourself off from the world completely you'll be fine

[Ardour]

I know the feeling of leading a rather pointless life. I think there's hardly anybody who never felt that way.

From my experience, if you suffer from "feeling empty" and having a "seemingly meaningless existence" (which btw might as well be just a temporary lack of inspiration) it helps to get yourself some periodic outside obligation, forcing you to meet deadlines and have different people around you (might be a job, could be anything else). If you like smoking the herbs it helps to reduce that significantly. Chances are you'll get even more bored and thus feel more motivated to look for some fresh perspective. And it helps not to look too hard - just keep your eyes open. It may sound funny, but I tend to find opportunities when I stop searching for them. Just when you least expect it...

I guess we agree that happiness is just the sum of all the little things in life you can appreciate. So if you run out of those things, get up and get some!

And thanks for starting this thread, which was a great pleasure to read!

[Nailbunny]

I do thank you all for your kind words. I look forward to the day that something new and fun comes along. Hopefully I won't be too busy looking down to see it.

[UnknownSoldier]

So I decided to give you my 1 cent. Cause lets be honest, I dont have enough to give you 2.

Life is like a bowl of shazam!. Your desired path is along the edge of the bowl. However sometimes we all slip and fall. Where do we end up? In the shazam!... That is what it seems has happened to you. I dont do inspirational B.S. Thats just not who I am. I deal in reality, or atleast my version of it. You fell in the shazam!. You can stay there and play and wait on someone to come along and help pull you out, or you can climb to the edge and pull yourself out your damn self. The easy way is to sit there and play, the hard way is to get out yourself. The choice is yours to make. No amount of inspirational crap or fancy words spoken by someone else is gonna make that choice for you.

I've known alot of athletic people to be some panzy asses. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that your not one of them. That being said, its not a relationship that defines a person, its the person who defines the relationship. Your 23 years old, and while I dont have a decade over you, I do have enough years and experince to tell you that a relationship is not gonna fix your problems. Nor is running away. While yes each will give you some sort of temporary relief the second you come back to reality its all gonna hit you like a ton of bricks and your still gonna find yourself playin in the shazam!.

Now I am gonna leave you with some words my Sgt. gave to me once.

What is your objective?
What is in the way of your objective?
What are you gonna do about it?

[Dowster]

To add to what I said, taking into account US's words. Sitting around an waiting for something to happen will always get you nowhere. The point I was trying to get across was until you find some direction, just have fun where you can, and there's nothing wrong with not knowing exactly what you want to do with your life at 23. I can't imagine much worse than focusing on one thing, spending half your life working at it/towards it, and then getting to 50 and realising that it was a waste of time and you wished that you had done something different..

I have no regrets at the moment, because despite all the continual shazam! that life has dumped on me - including times when I didn't think I would be able to continue - I still think I've enjoyed more minutes and seconds of my 30 years than most people. But as US rightly said, when you do manage to find a worthwhile objective, it's down to you to obtain it. Do not expect anything to just be handed to you..

[bella]

I forgot something... there is no such thing as a meaningless existence. No matter what you do or not do you will always mean something for someone. Even if you feel like losing your stand and missing a direction where to go to, your existence is never meaningless, even if it might seem so for you. Being on a low is necessary sometimes to treasure the ups again. They help ypu realize you're actually strong enough to overcome them, even if it takes a while.

[Beany]

This is going to sound like a long story but it helped me, so it might help you:

I was in a depressed state. I've always had this secret that I didn't want people to know, but it was bugging me. My friends were annoyed with me, so I couldn't turn to them either. I was browsing the net and I found a website. This website was meant to be a game site but it sorted me out, put my life back on track.

It wasn't the owner of the site - it was just ordinary people, like me and you. Just players on the site. All it takes is a few good people, and you've got the key to getting out.

A woman in America, who had a tough enough life anyway, talked to me. She explained that life must go on.

So it must. We weren't put here just to wither and perish. We're here to make a difference. I found somewhere where I felt I truly belong, and I made a difference there. It was only a small difference, but it's given me the confidence to make a big difference some day, when I can.

[Eff]

That is great.
life is awesome
~~Choose life~~

[Beany]

And also, does anyone know how to sort out a self harmer?

[Eff]

what? who's trying to harm himself?

[Beany]

My friend. Whenever she gets angry she self harms cos she's got problems at home. Not serious self harming but shutting your hands in doors deliberately is a bit... THICK?

Actually, it's kinda fun to shut your hands in door but that's not the point.