Good morning!
-
Eff
- Demimod
- Posts: 6338
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:54 am
- Location: banned by bells
Re: Good morning!
A guy walks into a tickle fight shop and asks for an eatable underwear . the seller gives him what he want and asks him ''do you want me to wrap it for you?" the guy says " No thanks i'm gonna eat it now"
Dowster wrote:This one time - also know as last Wednesday
-
Eff
- Demimod
- Posts: 6338
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:54 am
- Location: banned by bells
Re: Good morning!
Superman find 3 ppl trap under a track
ha ask the first person " why should i help you?" the guy says "coz i serv the army and watch out the borders of the country for the ppl "
superman saves him and asks the second guy the same question
the guy says :" coz i have four children and a wife to take care of" superman saves him too.
he asks the third guy the same and the guy says " coz i believe in god and i do what he says and i read the bible all day and night coz i believe in god"
superman says " well then may god help you"
ha ask the first person " why should i help you?" the guy says "coz i serv the army and watch out the borders of the country for the ppl "
superman saves him and asks the second guy the same question
the guy says :" coz i have four children and a wife to take care of" superman saves him too.
he asks the third guy the same and the guy says " coz i believe in god and i do what he says and i read the bible all day and night coz i believe in god"
superman says " well then may god help you"
Dowster wrote:This one time - also know as last Wednesday
-
chex
- Guessing Games Queen. Suck it, Nich.
- Posts: 17542
- Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:54 am
- Location: NELG Headquarters.
- Contact:
LOVE it!!
-
Redders
- Artiste
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:18 am
- Location: Not here
Re: Good morning!
10 men and one woman hang onto a rope for their lives,but the rope can only hold 10 people. the woman says she'll go and gives a very inspiring speech. At the end, all the men clap for her...
-
Clovvach
- Hideous Demon Spawn
- Posts: 3929
- Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:14 pm
- Location: Texas
Re: Good morning!
This joke was told before with a blonde instead of 10 men...
are you...
IMPLYING SOMETHING????!?!???!?!
are you...
IMPLYING SOMETHING????!?!???!?!
-
Redders
- Artiste
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:18 am
- Location: Not here
Re: Good morning!
it was? in this thread?
i musta missed it.
not implying anything actually. at least, not trying to. my head hurts right now and im running on peds from my ped dispensers, sweet tarts, and icecream.
i musta missed it.
not implying anything actually. at least, not trying to. my head hurts right now and im running on peds from my ped dispensers, sweet tarts, and icecream.
-
Clovvach
- Hideous Demon Spawn
- Posts: 3929
- Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:14 pm
- Location: Texas
Re: Good morning!
I know, just giving you a hard timeRedness wrote:it was? in this thread?
i musta missed it.
not implying anything actually. at least, not trying to.
It was in the Blode jokes thread.
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
Hy guys,i see you havent been too playful !
Let's see if you like this:
On a romanian custom-house officer's birthday,his colleags were talking about what to give him as a present.One of them said:
-let's buy him a Ferrari!
-no,that not enough!said the others.
Another one:
-let's buy him a house in Switzerland!
-no,that's still too little,he is our colleag for so many years!
Some other guy:
-ok,let's leave him alone on today's shift!
All the others:
-noooo,that's too much!
Let's see if you like this:
On a romanian custom-house officer's birthday,his colleags were talking about what to give him as a present.One of them said:
-let's buy him a Ferrari!
-no,that not enough!said the others.
Another one:
-let's buy him a house in Switzerland!
-no,that's still too little,he is our colleag for so many years!
Some other guy:
-ok,let's leave him alone on today's shift!
All the others:
-noooo,that's too much!
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
Feet Speaking to Penis: "Our master is so mean. He walked us around all day inside those hot, smelly shoes with no ventilation."
Penis Speaking to Feet: "That's nothing! Last night he threw me in a dark cave and made me do push-ups until I threw up!"
Penis Speaking to Feet: "That's nothing! Last night he threw me in a dark cave and made me do push-ups until I threw up!"
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the
whole business.
After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice, "Well, just what are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money . . .just looking."
whole business.
After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice, "Well, just what are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money . . .just looking."
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
Sir and Jon are shipwrecked on a desert island.After a few months of loneliness,Jon comes screaming:
-Sir,i can see a boat,i can see a boat!
-Relax Jon,havent you seen a boat before!
-Sir,i can see a boat,i can see a boat!
-Relax Jon,havent you seen a boat before!
-
chex
- Guessing Games Queen. Suck it, Nich.
- Posts: 17542
- Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:54 am
- Location: NELG Headquarters.
- Contact:
Re: Good morning!
Did you hear about the little boy who was kicked out of boy scouts for eating a brownie?
-
Wesley
- GOD
- Posts: 10406
- Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 5:10 am
- Location: Harrisburg, PA
- Contact:
-
Redders
- Artiste
- Posts: 599
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 4:18 am
- Location: Not here
Re: Good morning!
orgy, I laughed. I used to be a girl scout, and if it's talking about that kind of brownie...chex wrote:Did you hear about the little boy who was kicked out of boy scouts for eating a brownie?
Unrelated note- my itouch is so nasty! It almost changed "orgy" to a word I don't think I'm allowed to say here, but if you're curious I can always screenshot and put it in NSFW.
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night
having wild tickle fight with a Geisha Girl. Upon returning home three weeks
later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his
Penis.
He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip
and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the
only cure was complete amputation. Joe was horrified, and decided to get
a second opinion.
Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said
"I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away."
Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an
oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time. He went to Dr.
Chu Wong.
Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said "These
Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop Chop. Amputation not
necesally."
Joe was relieved.
Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."
having wild tickle fight with a Geisha Girl. Upon returning home three weeks
later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his
Penis.
He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip
and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the
only cure was complete amputation. Joe was horrified, and decided to get
a second opinion.
Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said
"I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away."
Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an
oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time. He went to Dr.
Chu Wong.
Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said "These
Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop Chop. Amputation not
necesally."
Joe was relieved.
Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
Two old drunks were drinking up at a bar. The first one says, "Ya know,
when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the
time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard."
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm
gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one
hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the
time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard."
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm
gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one
hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
The church service was underway and they passed the collection plate.
When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, "Whoever put the $100.00 bill in the plate, please stand up."
A gay man stood up and said, "I did."
The preacher told him, "Since you put that money in the plate, I would like to let you pick out three hymns."
Excitedly, the gay guy said, "Well, I'll take him and him and him!"
When the preacher saw a $100.00 bill in the collection plate, he stopped the service and announced, "Whoever put the $100.00 bill in the plate, please stand up."
A gay man stood up and said, "I did."
The preacher told him, "Since you put that money in the plate, I would like to let you pick out three hymns."
Excitedly, the gay guy said, "Well, I'll take him and him and him!"
-
Giana
- I never sleep
- Posts: 2551
- Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:33 pm
- Location: Where am i?
Re: Good morning!
One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice -
"Jesus is watching you!"
He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again.
"Jesus is watching you!"
He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot,
"Did you say that?" The parrot answers
"Yes I did." So the burglar asks,
"What's your name?" The parrot says
"Clarence." The burglar says
"What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says,
"The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "
"Jesus is watching you!"
He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again.
"Jesus is watching you!"
He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot,
"Did you say that?" The parrot answers
"Yes I did." So the burglar asks,
"What's your name?" The parrot says
"Clarence." The burglar says
"What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says,
"The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "
-
Princess Tee
- If I don't win, someone is getting hurt
- Posts: 449
- Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:10 pm
Re: Good morning!
Giana wrote:A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..."
The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
love it!!!!!!!