Chapter 112 --> Lego Lunacy

[Clarence]

Steroids Man: Listen. I know things got very smurf up right now. I know I did wrong by slapping you.

Amanda: You think?

Steroids Man: Yes, I know I did. But you also did wrong to go back on drugs and hide it from me.

Amanda just looks and says nothing.

Steroids Man: So my question is this. How can we get you off drugs and also get past what I have done?

Amanda: You want me to get off drugs and forgive you for your roid rage attack on me?

Steroids Man: Yes, that's what I said. I'll do ANYTHING to make that happen. I will do anything to get things back to the way they were and save our marriage.

Amanda: Anything?

Steroids Man: Anything!

Amanda: Quit steroids.

Steroids Man is in shock but then thinks about it.

Steroids Man: Hmmmmm....

Steroids Man continues to think deeply about it.

Steroids Man: No.

Amanda: .... are you retarded?

Steroids Man: I'm Steroids Man! You can't ask me to give up Steroids! Steroids is my life!

Amanda: What about me? You're fine to give up me???

Steroids Man: I need to go for a walk!!!

Steroids Man leaves and Amanda cries and rips up the bedroom carpets to expose secret drug items.

~~~~

Steroids Man walks down the street crying. We hear James Blunt "You're Beautiful" playing as Steroids Man takes out a picture of Amanda, still in a frame. I think he took it off a stand or something on the way out.

Steroids Man looks at the picture of Amanda which was taken before she turned back to drugs and he cries and visions of fun memories pop in his head. Highlights from the Danger tickle fight episode especially.

In Steroids Man's other hand he has a steroids syringe. Steroids Man weeps openly and remissness of times he stuck Steroids into himself.

Steroids Man: Who do I choose?

Steroids Man is still crying and confused and walks without looking where he's going. Before he knows it, he's in some random living room with kids playing.

Steroids Man: Where the hell am I? *cry*

Kid 1: Hey Mister... why are you crying?

Steroids Man (speaking loudly while crying): I have to choose between the love of my life or delicious, delicious steroids!

The kids just look at each other confused.

Steroids Man: What do you kids do to stay happy?

Kid 2: We're playing with Legos!

Steroids Man: What's that?

Kid 1: haha you don't know what Legos are?

kid 2: You build stuff. You can make ANYTHING with Lego!

Steroids Man: Anything?

Kid 2: Yeah, look, I made a Lego town and have Lego police and everything!

Steroids Man: So I could build my own little world?

Kid 1: Yeah, it's super fun!

Steroids Man: I can build my own world... a perfect world, just for me where nothing can go wrong and my wife isn't on drugs.... I like it!! I like it a lot!!

The kids just look at each other and start to get weirded out.

Steroids Man: Give me all your Legos.

Suddenly the mother comes out with a tray of Tang and sees Steroids Man.

Mom: AHHHHH!!!

The mother drops the tray and the glasses shatter on the floor.

Mom: Who are you?!?!

Steroids Man looks really sad.

Steroids Man: I don't think I really know anymore.

Mom: Please don't hurt us.

~~~~

Amanda is on the couch strung out watching TV shows. She comes across a show where people collect coupons and buy things in mass quantities while hardly spending any money.

Amanda: These people are Gods.

Phil enters the room.

Phil: Oh hey Amanda... I never had a chance to tell you....

Before Phil can explain that he's a hologram now, Amanda interrupts him.

Amanda: Are you seeing this shazam!?

Phil: Ummmm.... yeah, these people are good with coupons...

Amanda: This is definitely something I can do to get my mind off things as I've grown more tolerant of drugs from over-use.

Phil: What???

Amanda: I'm going to be an extreme couponer!!!!

Amanda gets up to hug Phil in a celebratory way when her arms go right through him and she falls down. Amanda quickly gets up and dusts herself off and looks really disturbed.

Amanda: WHAT THE (The following 5 minutes of profanity is so vulgar and intense that I don't even feel comfortable typing it out)

Phil is just standing there in shock after witnessing Amanda's freak out. Amanda just stands there scared out of her mind and pants heavily for a few moments and then...

Amanda: Ok. I'm off to find coupons now.

~~~~

Steroids Man is at Toys R US and confronts a random employee.

Steroids Man: I would like to buy all your Lego.

Employee: Ok... ummm I can take you to the Lego section.

Steroids Man: Just delver every Lego that you have to my mansion. Here's 5 million dollars.

The employee's eyes open super wide in surprise.

~~~~~

Dougette enters the robot's room wearing a nightgown and enough lipstick to drown a small animal.

Dougette: Hey sexy.

Robot: HELLO DOUGETTE!

Dougette comes over and rubs his finger on the robot's robotic nipple,

Dougette: Ouch that's smurf sharp!

Robot: SORRY!! I WILL GRIND IT DOWN TOMORROW.

Dougette: So.... have you put any more thought into me asking you out?

Robot: YES - I WILL ENGAGE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

Dougette: I'm yours!

Dougette takes a few steps back and then jumps on the robot building up enough force to knock him into the bed.

Dougette: Damn, what is your bed made out of?

Robot: TITANIUM!!!

Dougette: It doesn't matter baby, I'm going to smurf you until this bed breaks.

Robot: THAT SEEMS HIGHLY UNLIKELY!

Dougette: Put your penis on.

Robot: OK!

The robot takes his metal penis out of his night stand and screws it in and Dougette begins riding him.

Dougette: YES!!! OH YESSS!!!

They make sweet passionate love until---

Robot: OHHH YESSSS!!!! OHHH YESSS!!! DOWNLOADING ORGASM!!!

Dougette: YEAH BABY!

Robot: EXTRACTING ORGASM FILES!!!

Dougette: YESSSS!!!

Robot: INSTALLING ORGASM FILES!

Dougette: YEAH BABY!! INSTALL THOSE FILES!!

robot: ALMOST ... ALMOST!!!

Dougette: COME ON BABY!

Suddenly they stop and the robot begins to leave.

Dougette: ...where are you going?

Robot: I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM ON MY HARD-DRIVE TO FINISH THE INSTALLATION OF MY ORGASM - SO I HAVE TO GO DELETE SOME FILES!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Steroids Man is in a large room of the mansion which is mostly unused and contains boxes and BOXES of unopened Lego packages. This room is HUGE and has large open entrances.

Phil walks by and looks in to see the boxes that fill the room and run out into the hall and delivery trucks outside. Steroids Man is sitting on the floor in his boxers ripping open box after box of Lego and dumping them into a pile.

Phil: Steroids Man?

Steroids Man: Awww man, I thought you died.

Phil: I did.

Steroids Man is still ripping open Lego packages.

Phil: Ummmmm... what are you doing?

Steroids Man: Amanda went crazy so now I'm just going to play with Legos to make myself feel better.

Phil comes and sits down next to Steroids Man who is also drinking heavily while playing with Lego.

Phil: Ok. Ummmmmm I'm a little concerned with how much Lego you have here. This seems unhealthy....

Steroids Man: Shut up Phil.

Phil: Listen. I've known you for a very long time. I'm just worried that you're going to take this to an insane level.

Steroids Man: When have I ever taken something to an insane level??

Phil: Super deck, the claw, the tight pants, you told me about this one time you had a steroids horse, etc, etc.

Steroids Man: Don't act like you know me Phil, I don't even know me right now.

Phil: See? It's this kind of talk that concerns me.

Steroids Man: Oh just get the hell out of here.

Phil: Fine, but I tried to help.

Steroids Man: Go!!

Steroids Man gets impatient and goes to shove Phil but his arm goes right through him.

Steroids Man: WHAT THE smurf IS THIS!??!!?!?!?!?!!

Phil: I'm a hologram, remember? I explained this to you already.

Steroids Man: What the smurf is a hologram!?!? Are you The Manager again???

Phil: *sigh*

>>

Phil goes into the kitchen to see the robot and Dougette making out violently.

Phil: Oh what's this?

Dougette: We're crazy in love now!

Robot: MY METAL WAS INSIDE OF HER!

Phil: Goodbye.

>>

Phil goes into the living room to see it cluttered with bulk items from grocery stores.

Phil: What the hell is this? There's boxes of paper towel everywhere... large drums of ketchup... cases upon cases of Pepsi???

Amanda suddenly emerges from behind a tower of bottled pickles and looks extra crazy and drugged out with her hair a mess.

Phil: AHHHH!!!!

Amanda: Hello Phil - HOW YOU DOINS!!?!?!?!?!

Phil: What's all this stuff for???

Amanda: I found all these coupons from online and different magazines and etc.... I GOT THE BEST DEALS EVER!

Phil: But we're extremely rich... there is no need to go scrounging around for coupons...

Amanda: BUT YOU DON'T REALIZE THE THRILL!!!!!! I'M TELLING YOU!!! See this ceiling high stack of hickory stick bags?

Phil: Yeah....

Amanda: SEVEN DOLLARS!!!!

Phil quietly leaves and goes into his office and curls into a ball and starts rocking back and forth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amanda goes and finds Steroids Man in the large open room.

Amanda: What the hell is this?

There is a huge Lego metropolis all over the room with the level of civilization that New York has achieved. Tall Lego buildings all over, Lego people, Lego vehicles, etc etc.

Amanda: Steroids Man?

Steroids Man suddenly emerges from behind a random Lego tower.

Steroids Man: What do you want?

Amanda: We need to have tickle fight now.

Steroids Man: But we're out of condoms...

Amanda: Not anymore we're not, I got coupons to buy em in bulk, here!

Amanda throws an ENORMOUS box half the size of a car filled with condoms at Steroids Man which almost knocks him down. The package rips open and it rains condoms down all over the Lego city and roads.

Steroids Man: You got condoms all over my Legos!!!

Amanda: Come smurf me!!!

Steroids Man: Fine.

~~

Steroids Man is DOIN Amanda HARD in her bedroom.

Amanda: YESSS!!!! OH YESSSS!!!! STEROIDS MAN!!!!!

Steroids Man: Ohhhhh LEGO!

Suddenly Amanda stops.

Amanda: Did you just call me Lego?

Steroids Man: Ummm..... no, of course I didn't, Lego.

Amanda: You just called me Lego again!

Steroids Man suddenly shoves a bunch of very large Lego bricks in her mouth to shut her up and she spits them out angrily.

Amanda: GET THE smurf OUT!!!!

Steroids Man leaves teary eyed but before he slams the door shut....

Steroids Man: You know who never yells at me? EVER? LEGOS!!!!!!

Steroids Man slams the door shut.

~~~~~

The next day Dougette and the Robot are returning from a romantic dinner and movie.

Dougette: Oh Trent, I love you so much!

Robot: I LOVE YOU TOO DOUGETTE!

Dougette: Why didn't we find each other sooner?

Robot: I DO NOT KNOW - WE ARE VERY COMPATIBLE!

Dougette: I want to spend the rest of my life with you!

Robot: I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH YOU TOO!

They enter the mansion to see Amanda cowering in front of a fort made of bulk unopened paper towel rolls leading to the hallway.

Dougette: Amanda? What's going on?

Amanda (smoking crack): The Lego King... he's taken over the mansion!

Robot: THE LEGO KING?

Amanda: Yes, The Lego King! Also known as the artist formerly known as Steroids Man!

Dougette: I don't understand!

Amanda: It's REAL smurf SIMPLE YOU MAN WOMAN!!! Steroids Man has taken over the whole mansion with Legos except this living-room. I am trying to hold him back using my bulk inventory I got with my extreme couponing!

Amanda cowers behind the paper tower fort and takes one of many jars of relish and opens the lid, sticks a rag in it and puts the lid back on, lighting the rag on fire.

Amanda: DIE!!!!!

Amanda throws the molotov relish container and we hear glass shattering and see relish covered Lego men go flying back into the living room.

Dougette: Ok, this is insane.

Amanda: THIS is insane? I'm looking at a transvestite dating a robot!

Dougette: I'm not a transvestite! I'm a full on woman. I get my period and everything!

Suddenly a Lego airplane flies through the hall and over the paper towel fort and smokes Dougette in the head.

Dougette: WHAT THE smurf!!!

Dougette feels her head to see she's bleeding.

Amanda: See? I told you! We're in trouble here!

Robot: LET'S GO STOP THE LEGO KING!

Dougette: Together as a couple, we can conquer everything!

They make out for a while until....

Amanda: GET ON WITH IT!!

Dougette: Right, right.

The robot tares down the paper towel fort to see a Lego army that fills the hallway.

Dougette: What the.....

There's thousands of little Lego men wearing Lego armour and with swords, spears, etc, all Lego.

Amanda: LOOK OUT!!

At the end of the hallway, Steroids Man has a bunch of built lego planes and injects steroids into himself.

Steroids Man: PREPARE TO DIE!!!

Steroids Man throws the planes with steroids strength and they all hit the robot and explode sending him flying back.

Amanda sees all the Lego body parts litter the living room and cries.

Dougette: I'll stop that bastard!

Dougette goes running into the hall with the Lego army.

Dougette: OUCH!!! smurf!!!! shazam!!!! THESE LEGOS ARE SHARP!!!! WHY ARE MY ROBOT FEET PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PAIN!?!?!

Dougette keeps stepping on the Lego army men with their pointy Lego weapons pointed upward and she hurts her feet badly.

Dougette: Why did I take my fabulous shoes off???

Dougette falls down in pain and the Lego men all stick in her body as she rolls around. She's now hardly moving and spits out a Lego helmet.

Dougette: The Lego people.... they are too much for me... I have been defeated.....

The robot goes and picks Dougette up and Steroids Man scurries away.

Robot: ARE YOU OK?

Dougette: Yes *cough* we have to stop him... so weak....

Robot: WE CAN DO IT!

The robot uses his rocket boots to fly through the highway and go over the lego army while Dougette rides his back.

Dougette: Good job Trent! They can't hurt us from up here!

Suddenly they fly into Lego men hanging off strings also holding weapons.

Dougette: Ahhh!! They're scratching my face!

They fly through it and finally land at the opening of the huge Lego city with enormous towers larger and taller than people. Enormous Lego buildings! It looks like Tokyo or something.

Robot: HE HAS GOT TO BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE!

The robot begins to destroy the Lego city.

Dougette: Oh... those poor tiny Lego people...

The robot stomps and stomps and knocks down Lego buildings and breathes fire as the Lego citizens cower and get bricks fall on them.

~~~~~~~~

Steroids Man is in a secret room wearing clothing made out of red Lego blocks and with his prize Lego person.

Steroids Man holds up this tiny Lego girl and talks to it.

Steroids Man: Oh Stephanie. I'm so glad we're together again.

Steroids Man makes out passionately with the Lego girl and suddenly begins coughing and then looks back at the Lego girl to see she is now bald.

Steroids Man: YOUR HAIR FELL OFF!

Suddenly The wall explodes to reveal that the robot kicked it in and is next to Dougette.

Steroids Man: Humans??? You have no business here!

Dougette: You have to stop this! You've gone crazy!

Steroids Man: Nobody talks to the LEGO KING THAT WAY!!!

Dougette: Stop right now or we will be forced to hurt you.

Steroids Man: You can't hurt me! Not with my indestructible Lego armour on!!

Dougette and the robot begin punching and kicking at Steroids Man and pieces of Lego go flying everywhere. They beat him until all the Lego falls off and he's in his boxers. Steroids Man lays unconscious on the floor.

Dougette: Wow! We beat the shazam! out of him!

Robot: IT WAS MOSTLY ME AND MY METAL FIST PUNCHES TO HIS TEMPLE!

Dougette: We defeated the Lego King!

Robot: WE ARE PHENOMENAL TOGETHER!!!

Dougette: I'm so turned on right now!

Robot: I HAVE BEEN TURNED ON FOR YEARS!

Dougette: Sexy time!

Dougette and the robot make love using Steroids Man's unconscious body as a mattress.

~~~

Later Steroids Man is sitting on the floor of the large room filled with broken Legos and burnt items. Steroids Man is just sitting there really depressed over how insane his life has gotten.

Amanda Walks in the room.

Steroids Man: Oh... you want more tickle fight?

Amanda: I want a divorce.

[Wesley]

I really enjoyed the Godzilla imagery.

Man, everyone except the Robot is really smurf up!

I don't know if Amanda is right or wrong for asking for a divorce.

She probably should have kept having Lego tickle fight.

I like that you used LEGO and LEGOS interchangeably in this episode.

[Clarence]

Thanks for the feedback man!

The next episode is a Christmas episode!!!

And it's the most UnChristmassy Christmas episode of a show ever!